The Road to Happy
by DancingRain92
Summary: Rae and Olivia are back to being the happy couple. The road gets bumpy when Olivia loses the longest relationship she's ever had. Elliot, her partner and best friend, is gone. Rather than leaning on those she still has in her life, she pushes them away. Will she come around in time to stop herself from pushing Rae into the arms of another? Sequel to Age Ain't Nothing but a Number.
1. Chapter 1: Another Try

**AN: Hey everyone! So here it is as promised. This is the sequel to Age Ain't Nothing but a Number. It can be read without reading the first story but if you want a clear understanding of who all the characters are (especially Rae) and/or Olivia's relationship with Rae, I would suggest reading Age Ain't Nothing but a Number first. Elliot will not be in this story. I will be introducing Nick, Amanda and Barba and will possibly include Munch's retirement. Please review! I love knowing what readers think but please keep it constructive. Also feel free to leave your suggestions and if they fit with the direction of the story, I will try my best to work them in.**

**This will be my one and only DISCLAIMER for this story: I do not own SVU or any of it's character. They are owned by Dick Wolf and NBC. I claim ownership of original characters and storyline. **

**Enjoy!**

The Road to Happy

Chapter 1: Another Try

Rae drove Simone home after the cook out and then went to her place to pack a bag for Liv's. On the drive over, she couldn't stop smiling. She and Olivia were back together. Everything in her life already felt a little more perfect. She parked outside the building and went up to the door. It felt weird to have to push the buzzer to be let in after being able to let herself in for a while when she had a key. After a few buzzers, someone let her in and she went up the stairs to Olivia's apartment and knocked on the door. Olivia had decided that their first night back together would be romantic. She stopped by the market on her way home and bought some of Rae's favorite fruits, a bottle of her favorite wine, and some candles. She found some candles that weren't too strong, remembering that anything with too pungent a scent gave Rae a headache. She went home and set up her bedroom and ran a hot bubble bath. She undressed and changed into the robe that Rae bought for her on their vacation. There was a knock at the door and she hurried over to answer it.

"Hey" she said opening the door to Rae standing there with her overnight bag.

"Hey" she said back. Olivia took her hand and pulled her into the apartment. She shut and locked the door behind her and took her bag. "It smells good in here" she said as she walked further into the apartment.

"I have candles burning". She walked her into the bedroom and the sweet aroma of the candles Olivia had lit fully enveloped her. She closed her eyes and inhaled the light scent of spring time. It was perfect; not too faint, not too heavy but just right. Olivia set Rae's bag by the closet and came over to stand in front of her. She wrapped her arms around her waist and pulled her closer. Araeyah wrapped her arms around Olivia's neck and she leaned down, resting their foreheads together. "I've missed you...so much" she said softly.

"I've missed you too". She leaned up slightly and brought their lips together. Olivia gathered the bottom of her shirt and pulled it up, breaking their kiss momentarily to pull it over her head. She moved her hands around her back and unclasped her bra, pulling it off and discarding it with her shirt. Her hands moved down and found the waist band of her shorts. Her shorts and underwear were removed in no time at all. Olivia finally broke the kiss and took Rae's hand, leading her to the bathroom. She walked in to see more candles burning, along with her favorite wine and a bowl of her favorite fruits. She walked over to the bubble bath that Olivia made for them and climbed into, settling into the relaxing warmth of the water. Olivia took off her robe and got in the tub behind her. Rae positioned herself between Olivia's legs and laid back against her chest. This position was so familiar to them that it didn't take any thought for them to settle into it. It sort of just happened.

"Don't be mad at her, Araeyah" Olivia said abruptly. Rae knew the "her" she was talking about was her mother. She didn't understand why Olivia was defending her. She was part of the reason they'd both been so miserable the past three months. "She loves you. She thought she was doing the right thing".

"I can't believe you're defending her" she said. "She told you to dump me. She sat and listened to me talk about how devastated I was and how stupid I felt. She saw how much I was hurting and she didn't do anything to fix it. I'm sorry but nothing you say is gonna change how pissed off I am at her".

"Ok, well at least hear her out when you talk to her?" Olivia really didn't want Rae fighting with her mother. She loved their relationship and didn't want to see it fall apart.

"I really feel like you're taking her side on this" Rae said a little annoyed with how much Olivia was sticking up for her mother. "She broke us up" she said angrily.

"No, I broke us up" Olivia corrected.

"Because she asked you to. If she wouldn't have interfered in our relationship then this never would have happened".

"Ok but...I just...I don't want you to be fighting with your mother. She loves you and she wants what's best for you. That's what she thought she was doing when she talked to me. Just promise me that you won't flip out when you talk to her. Promise me that you'll listen to what she has to say".

Rae sighed heavily, "I'll think about it".

"Are those like your new favorite four words together in a sentence?" she asked. She'd heard "I'll think about it" a lot from Rae over the last three months.

"Whatever" Rae said back.

"Another new favorite word?" Olivia asked teasingly. Rae was annoyed now and tried to get out of the tub. Olivia grabbed her by the waist and tried to stop her, "Ok, ok, ok. I'm sorry". Rae sat back down and leaned into her. "I don't want to fight. Let's just relax and drink wine and eat fruit and chocolate and talk..." she moved Rae's hair and nibbled on her favorite spot on her neck, causing her quietly moan, "and not talk". Rae turned her head and met Olivia's lips with her own. Olivia's hand moved down her body, messaging her breasts and caressing her skin and finally reaching their goal between Rae's legs. Rae moaned into their kiss at the feeling of Olivia's hands on her body. It'd been a long three months and they were finally where they wanted to be. They finished the entire bottle of wine and half the bowl of fruit Olivia bought. They made love in the bath tub and then moved to the bedroom. They made up for all the time they lost over their time apart. They fell asleep, exhausted, at three in the morning and had the best sleep either of them had enjoyed since the breakup.

The sun streaming through Olivia's bedroom window woke her at six thirty am. She rolled over and saw Rae sleeping peacefully beside her. She smiled happily to herself as stared at her sleeping girlfriend. She finally had everything she wanted; her job, her friends, the love of her life. Everything was perfect. She moved the hair out of her face to get a better look at her and Rae started to stir next to her. She turned over on her side to face Olivia and slowly opened her eyes.

"Hi" she said softly. Olivia smiled and stroked her hair. She loved how full and soft Rae's hair was underneath her fingers.

"Hi" she said back. They silently stared into each other's eyes for a moment before Rae spoke again.

"You have to work today?" she asked. She hoped the answer would be no but she knew it wouldn't be.

"Yeah" she said sadly. "Hopefully it'll be a very, very slow day and I can get out of there on time. Maybe early".

"Yeah, I won't hold my breath" she said laughing. She turned over on her back and stared up at the ceiling. She couldn't shake the feeling that she and Olivia were rushing back into things. They hadn't talked about anything outside of Olivia not wanting Rae to be upset with her mother. She felt like she'd missed so much of Liv's life over the last three months and Liv had missed so much of hers.

"Hey" Olivia said getting her attention. She turned her head to look at her again, "What are you thinking about?" she asked moving hair that had fallen over her face. She shook her head side to side.

"Nothing" she said. She leaned over and kissed her sweetly on the lips. "You should start getting ready for work" she said when she pulled away.

"I have plenty of time before I need to start getting ready" she said continuing to play with Rae's hair. "Now, what were you thinking about?"

"Did you see anyone?" she asked. Olivia looked confused by the question. "When we were apart, did you see anyone else?" she clarified. Olivia shook her head.

"No, I didn't" she answered. Rae looked unconvinced by her answer. "After a while, I tried to move on but I couldn't. I was still in love with you. I swear" she assured her, "I didn't see anyone else".

"I did" she confessed. "I mean I went on a couple dates but it never went anywhere. And Simone; I tried to but...we kissed but all I could think about was you. I was still in love with you too" she said softly. Olivia moved closer to Rae and brought their lips together. She pulled away and looked into Rae's eyes. "You're not upset?" she asked. Olivia smiled and shook her head.

"Of course not" she said before kissing her again. "Are you gonna be here tonight when I come home?" she asked hopeful.

"You mean, if you come home" she corrected. She kissed her again, "Yes, I will be here". Olivia smiled and kissed her one more time then got up from the bed and went to the bathroom. She showered and brushed her teeth then got dressed. She left her apartment at eight, leaving Rae to enjoy her Sunday alone. She forced herself to get out of bed, shower and put clothes on. She called Simone and asked if she wanted to go out with her for breakfast and of course she said yes. Rae was interested to see how things would continue between them. She still felt like Simone had feelings for her and she couldn't deny that they had chemistry. But she was in love with Olivia. She hoped that, like Ashley, Simone would continue accept and respect her relationship with Olivia despite her feelings.

She met up with her for breakfast and talked to her about her anxiety about her getting back together with Olivia. She felt like they rushing back into things. They'd barely talked about anything that had happened in their three months apart. The same thing happened that always seemed to happen, they ended up in bed. At some point in their relationship the talking became more and more scarce and the relationship became more and more about sex. That was scary to Rae. She didn't want physical chemistry to be all they had. She really liked that Simone, unlike Ashley and Maureen, could just listen to her and not bombard her with questions or advice. She waited until Rae asked to give her thoughts. She told her the only way to fix the problem of not enough talking was to start talking. Simone always had the simplest solutions to problems. Another thing Rae really liked about her. They finished their breakfast and then parted ways for the day.

Rae decided to go home and have that talk with her mother. She walked in and Jimmy was on the couch watching tv. He'd moved back in with them after he'd gotten out of rehab. He'd fallen behind on his school work and would have to take summer school but he'd done well in rehab. He was keeping the promise he'd made to do better and be more responsible. He'd gotten a job after school as a cashier at a market and was still going to meetings on the weekends. Rae couldn't be more proud of him and how well he was doing.

"Hey" she said walking over to the couch. "How ya doin'?" she asked flopping down next to him.

"Good. Just hanging out. Figured I'd have a nice, relaxing Sunday at home" he said looking over at her.

"You can relax in this house?" she asked. Jimmy laughed and nodded his head. "You're a strange kid".

"How are you doing?" he asked. It'd been a couple of weeks since she'd been home to visit. He noticed something a little different about her but he couldn't put his finger on it.

"I'm good. You know, I...I'm good. Ummm, Olivia and I are back together" she said slightly blushing.

"Get out" he said surprised. "Good for you" he said lovingly squeezing her shoulder.

"Hey, is, uh, is mom here?" she asked. She was dreading this conversation but it needed to happen. She needed to know what the hell her mother was thinking interfering in her relationship and then lying to her about it for three months.

"Yeah, she's upstairs". Rae ruffled her brother's hair and then got up and headed for the stairs. She went up and stopped outside her mother's door. She hesitated for a moment, took a deep breath and then knocked on the door. She heard her mother call for her to come in. She opened the door and went inside, closing it behind her. Soraya was shorting and folding laundry.

"Salam. Kheili vaghte ke too ra nadidam" she said looking over her shoulder to see her daughter enter the room.

"Yeah. I've been a little busy" she said going over and sitting on the bed. She decided to try to give her mother a chance to tell her the truth on her own. "I got back together with Olivia" she said. Soraya paused her movements when the words registered with her and then continued her task of folding laundry.

"Wow, that's...that's wonderful". The tone of her voice didn't match her words. Rae could tell that it wasn't something she wanted to hear.

"Yeah, we worked things out and decided to give us another try" she said waiting for more of a reaction from her mother. "Are you happy for me?" she asked. Soraya just kept folding laundry as if Rae hadn't asked her anything. "Mom" Rae said getting her attention. Soraya put down the shirt she was folding and looked at her daughter. "Do you have something you want to tell me?" she asked.

"Bebakhshid" she said sadly.

"Chera?" Rae asked. Soraya wasn't sure if she was asking her why she was sorry or why she'd done what she was sorry for. Rae obviously knew what she'd done so she went with the latter. She put the clothes she'd already folded in the laundry basket and moved it out of the way so she could sit down next to her daughter.

"I was just trying to help you. I wanted...I wanted you to slow down. You grew up so fast and it was my fault. I ruined your childhood and it hurts me. Inja dard mokinad" she said placing her hand over her heart. "I just thought that if I talked to her that she would understand. You wouldn't listen to me. I didn't know what else to do". A few tears escaped her eyes as she spoke. "I'm sorry if I hurt you. I'm sorry I didn't tell you the truth".

"You did hurt me, mom. You sabotaged my relationship. I came to you after the break up. You saw how unhappy I was, how much I was hurting and you never said anything. You just let me go on thinking that I'd done something wrong, that Olivia didn't want me because I wasn't good enough and the whole time it was your fault! How could you do that to me?" she asked sadly.

"I was just trying to help" she said again. "Ayaan eshtabah ast?"

"No, mom, but that's not how you help. You help by listening to me when I say I'm happy and that school and work is what I want to do. You help by supporting me and who I love, not by telling her to dump me. I don't need you to take care of me. I'm not a little girl anymore and I will never be a little girl again. I know that's what you wanted but mom...that's never going to happen".

"Aya moteneyam hasitd?" she asked. "Maybe if you were more open to it..." Rae shook her head from side to side.

"Aya motevajeh shodid?!" she asked annoyed. "It's not going to happen. And yes, maybe it is your fault and I understand that that's hard for you to accept but that has nothing to do with me, mom. That's your guilt. Stop trying to make me who you want me to be!" she yelled angrily.

"Ok, ok" Soraya said trying to calm her daughter. "I'm sorry. I just want to make up for everything I did wrong when you were growing up".

"Well, you could start by leaving Charles" she said seriously.

"Araeyah"

"I'm serious, mom. I don't understand how you can stand to be with him. He's a jerk. He abandoned his son. He couldn't care less if Jimmy was found in a ditch and you know it. How do you go from dad to..._him_?" she asked disgusted.

"He wasn't always like that. When we first met, he was kind and loving".

"Well he's not like that now and he's not going to change because you allow him to act the way he does" she said. "Whenever Olivia is being an as...jerk" she corrected, "I give her an ultimatum. Change it or else".

"Or else what?" Soraya asked amused.

"Well it depends but it has to be something that you know he'll respond to". Soraya chuckled at her daughter's advice. She really is all grown up. There really was nothing she could do about it. She figured it was time she started to accept it. Rae stayed at home for lunch with her mother and Jimmy. They ate then watched a couple of movies before Rae decided to head back to Olivia's apartment. She walked through the door to see a young boy sitting on the couch. She walked over to him to introduce herself.

"Hi" she said nicely.

"Hi" he said back. She could tell that he was kind of shy and a little uneasy about being there. She sat down on the couch next to him.

"I'm Rae. What's your name?" she asked.

"Calvin" he said softly. Olivia walked out of the bedroom with blankets and pillows and put them on the couch next to Calvin.

"Hey babe" she said going over and giving Rae a light kiss. "Uh, Calvin this is who I was telling you about. Araeyah. You remember?" she asked. He nodded his head. "Ok, well dinner will be ready in a bit. You want to watch tv while I finish cooking?" He nodded his head again. Olivia let him pick a movie and then put it on for him before she and Rae went into the kitchen to finish up dinner. She was making baked chicken, roasted vegetables, and mashed potatoes. Olivia checked on the chicken while Rae finished mashing the potatoes.

"You brought a kid home?" she asked in a whisper. She mashed the potatoes a little harder than necessary. Olivia could tell she was angry.

"No, I didn't..."

"No? Because he looks a kid to me" she whispered as she continued to mash. She couldn't believe that Olivia had brought a child home without even so much as a phone call.

"Ok, yes, I did but it was very unexpected" she said trying to keep her voice down.

"Too unexpected for a phone call?" Rae asked. She continued to angrily mash the potatoes until Olivia pulled the bowl away from her. If she mashed the potatoes anymore they would be soup.

"Can we just...please talk about this after he's gone to bed?" she said looking over her shoulder into the living room. Calvin was watching his movie, laughing at the screen.

"Ok, fine" she said with a sigh. "I'm gonna go shower and change before dinner". She went into the bedroom and shut the door behind her. She showered, washed her hair and put on yoga pants and a t shirt before going back out just as Olivia was putting dinner on the table.

"Calvin" she said getting his attention, "dinner's ready. You wanna turn off the movie and come to the table?" she asked. He stared at her for a minute before nodding his head and turning off the tv. Rae stifled a laugh that was threatening to come out at the way that he'd look at her. Olivia saw it from the kitchen. Apparently she'd have to watch out for Calvin taking glances at her girlfriend. She got a bottle of wine out of the fridge and two glasses down from the cabinet.

"Calvin, what would you like to drink? We have juice, milk, strawberry pop" Olivia asked standing in front of the open refrigerator door.

"Juice please" he said softly. Rae smiled at how sweet and soft spoken he was. But in the back of her mind she couldn't help thinking that she wasn't ready to be a mom. And to a pre-teen no less. She'd just recently been able to stop worrying about taking care of Jimmy and now she might be in for parenting another kid. She wasn't ready for that. Olivia came over to the table with a cup of juice for Calvin and the bottle of wine for herself and Rae. Once she sat down, they filled their plates and enjoyed dinner. Rae tried to ask Calvin questions to get to know him better but he wasn't very talkative. Olivia thought it was cute that he had a little crush on Rae and that her asking him questions made him nervous. When they finished eating, Olivia made up the couch for Calvin to sleep on and let him finish his movie while she and Rae cleaned up the dishes and put away the left overs. When they finished, the movie had ended and Calvin was fast asleep. She turned off the tv and lamps and then went to the bedroom. Rae took off her pants and got in bed while Olivia changed out her clothes from work into her sleep wear before joining her girlfriend. She gave her kiss, said good night, turned off the lamp on her side of the bed and settled down to go to sleep.

"Ummm, excuse me" Rae said still sitting up against the headboard. Olivia turned over and looked at her. "I thought we were going to talk about your newly acquired child". Olivia sat up and turned her lamp back on.

"He's not my child. He's just staying with me until I can find his father". She said it as if it were no big deal.

"And why is he staying with you, exactly?" she asked.

"His mother is the daughter of a victim in a case that we've been working on. She was a recovering alcoholic and drug addict and she relapsed. I got back to the precinct this evening and Calvin there. She'd dropped him off with a note that said she wanted him to stay with me" she explained.

"She signed over her rights to you?"

"Uhh, yes. She left him with papers transfering her parental rights to me. She made me his legal gaurdian". Olivia watched as Rae closed her eyes and took deep, calming breaths. "Don't be mad ok? It's not forever. I'm working on finding his father". She moved closer to Rae and started placing kisses down her neck.

"Stop" Rae said pushing her away. "Look, Liv, I can't do this with you. It's too hard" she said running her hands through her hair.

"Wha...We just got back together and you're breaking up with me?" she asked nervously.

"What? No, Liv. I don't mean us, I mean I can't do this weird...uh...I don't even know what it is. I just..." she paused and took a deep breath, thinking of the best way to explain her feelings. "We were apart for three months and we got back together and we hardly talked about anything". Olivia opened her mouth to argue but Rae knew what she going to say. "Ok, we talked about why you broke up with me and us seeing other people but we didn't talk about anything else that happened with us in the time we were apart. We gave each other the cliffnotes version. The generic "school, work, friends" but we didn't talk; actually talk. We just had sex. It happened every time we tried to have a conversation. When you came to my apartment and at the cook out and then last night. I mean, I know we didn't actually have sex but if I hadn't stopped things, we would have. And then tonight you bring a kid home and you don't even call me. I don't want us to become this couple where all we have in common is a physical attraction".

"That's not going to happen to us" Olivia said quickly.

"It's already happening, Liv" she said sadly. "We used to be able to talk for hours and then we broke up and talking turned into a battle. We need to start talking again. It should be easy. We have a lot of catching up to do".

"Ok. We will" she said confidently. "And you're right. I'm sorry. I should've called you" she admitted. "It won't happen again".

"Good" She leaned over and gave her firm kiss on the lips. "So, start from the beginning. Tell me about this case you're working on". Olivia told Rae all about Vivian Arliss and how she'd come to leave her son in her care. They talked about what would happen while Olivia looked for Calvin's father and what could happen if she didn't find him. They talked for a couple of hours until they were both yawning, signaling it was time for them to get some rest. They each turned off their lamps and kissed each other good night before settling down to go to sleep.

**Persian- English Translations**

**Salam. Kheili vaghte ke too ra nadidam- **Hi. Long time, no see.

**Bebakhshid**- Sorry

**Chera**?- Why

**Inja dard mokinad**- It hurts here

**Ayaan eshtabah ast**?- Is that wrong?

**Aya motmean hasit**?- Are you sure?

**Aya motevajeh shodid**?- Did you hear what I said?


	2. Chapter 2: A Family for Olivia

**AN: In these next few chapters I'll be writing Elliot out and introducing Nick and Amanda into the story. Some of the cases from episodes will be included but I will be changing some details to fit Olivia's relationship with Rae. As always, your comments/suggestions are welcomed. Hope you enjoy.**

Chapter 2: A Family for Olivia

Olivia's phone rang at four in the morning waking both her and Rae. Rae hated when Olivia left her phone on the night stand next to her. It meant she had to exert energy to reach over, grab the phone and then give it to Liv. When she grabbed the phone she looked at the caller id and saw it was captain Cragen. She groaned and handed the phone to her girlfriend before turning over and closing her eyes again. After talking on the phone to him for a minute, Olivia got out of bed and went to the bathroom. She came out five minutes later and started getting dressed. Before she went to leave, she went over to Rae's side of the bed and kneeled on the floor in front of her.

"Hey babe" she whispered. Rae groaned at the feeling of Olivia shaking her. "Araeyah" she whispered with a laugh.

"What?" she groaned out with her eyes still closed.

"I have to go to work" she said. Rae finally opened her eyes to see her girlfriend kneeling in front of her, fully dressed.

"Ok" she said in a huff. She reached up and put her hand behind Olivia's head, pulling her in for a kiss. "Be safe. I love you". She brought her hand back under the cover and closed her eyes to go back to sleep.

"Ummm, I was supposed to take Calvin to be enrolled in school today" she started. Rae started to groan in protest already knowing where Olivia was going with this.

"Noooo" she whined. "Liv, I can't. I have class".

"I know but I can't be sure that I'll be able to get away to take him" she said. She reached up moved Rae's hair out of her face. "Please babe".

"Why can't he go to his old school?" she asked.

"Because it's too far away. He's in a different district now that he has my address" she explained. "Can you miss a class, just this once? I'll make it up to you" she said seductively.

"It's a lab, Olivia. I can't make those up. You brought him home, you take him". Just as soon as the words left her mouth, she regretted saying them. Olivia's face fell and she started to get up. Rae reached out and grabbed her arm, keeping her in her place, "Hey, wait, I'm sorry" she said. "That was a...really shitty thing to say" she apologized. Olivia nodded her head in agreement. "Are you sure they'll even let me do it? I mean, you're his guardian. I don't have any authority over him".

"I'll call the school and explain everything. I'll call you if I can get away to take him myself" she said. She waited to hear if Rae would have any more objections.

"Fine" she said finally agreeing. "I'll take him". Olivia leaned in and gave her a kiss.

"Thank you. And I promise, I will make it up to you" she said before leaning in and kissing her again. She ran her tongue along Rae's bottom lip and then slipped it into her mouth when she parted her lips. She slid her hand underneath the covers, down Rae's body and found the waistband of her underwear. Just as she was about to reach her destination, she felt Rae's hand on her own, stopping her from going any further.

"You're gonna be late" she said finally ending their kiss. Olivia stole a few more kisses before getting up and walking to the bedroom door.

"I love you" she whispered as she opened the door to leave.

"I love you too" Rae said from her position in bed. Olivia reluctantly left her bedroom, quietly shutting the door. She looked over at Calvin sleeping peacefully on the couch. She smiled to herself, thinking about the possibilities that could come from this arrangement. She'd always wanted to be a mom and now she had Calvin. Even though she told Rae she'd be looking for Calvin's father, she secretly wanted to keep him. She wanted them to be a family. She tip toed to the door, careful not to make any noise that would wake him, and left for work.

Rae's alarm went off at seven fifteen. She dragged herself from bed and went to the bathroom to brush her teeth and wash her face and ran a brush through her hair. She went to her bag and pulled out jeans and a beatles t-shirt. She grabbed a jacket that she'd need to wear in case she was able to make it lab on time. It was chemistry and they didn't allow short sleeved shirts or open toed shoes. She went out to the living room to wake Calvin, only to find him already up and watching cartoons on tv.

"Good morning" she said getting his attention. He looked up at her leaning against the door frame.

"Morning" he said back with a small smile. He'd folded his blankets and sat them on the couch next to him with his pillow on top.

"Ummm, so, you have about half an hour before we have to be out the door. You wanna go brush your teeth and get ready for school while I make something for breakfast?" she asked. He shrugged his shoulders.

"Ok" he said. He turned off the tv, grabbed his book bag and went into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. Rae laughed lightly at the boy as she walked over to the kitchen to make him something to eat. She had no idea what he liked but she needed to make something quick and easy. She looked in the cabinets and saw oatmeal. _"Who doesn't like oatmeal" _she thought to herself. She grabbed a small pot, put some water in it and put it on the stove, starting the burner. Then she started the coffee pot before going over and packing the books she'd need for class. She went back to the kitchen to see that water she'd put on the stove was boiling. She added the oatmeal and let it cook then put some bread in the toaster. She got down two bowls and two small plates. She fixed one bowl of oatmeal for Calvin and one bowl for herself then cut the two pieces of toast diagonally, making for four equal pieces, putting two on each plate. Calvin came out the bedroom just as she was sitting breakfast on the table.

"I hope oatmeal is ok" she said as he walked over to the table. He silently nodded his head and sat down to eat. "Do you want some butter or jelly for your toast? Milk? Juice?" she asked.

"Can I have some milk, please?" he asked politely.

"Sure" Rae said, smiling at how sweet he was. She went over and poured him a glass of milk and made herself a cup of coffee then went over to join Calvin for breakfast.

"Where's Olivia?" he asked softly.

"Ummm, she had to go to work early so it's just you and me" she said nicely.

"She said she was going to take me to start my new school today" he said sadly.

"I know. She wasn't expecting to have to go in to work so early. But I am going to take you and she's gonna try her best to meet us there. Ok?" He sat for a minute, seemingly thinking about whether he was ok with it or not. He finally nodded his head and continued eating his breakfast. Once they were done, she told him to grab his backpack while she cleared the table of their breakfast dishes. She grabbed her own backpack along with her phone and keys and they left the apartment a few minutes after eight. They arrived at Calvin's new school a few minutes before eight thirty and as she suspected, they wouldn't allow her to enroll him. She talked to the principal who'd gotten no phone call from Olivia explaining the situation. Rae tried calling her but she wasn't answering the phone. She sat in the office with Calvin hoping that Olivia would call her soon. If Calvin didn't get enrolled in school that'd mean she'd have to skip out on all of her classes for the day to stay with him. Olivia rushed into the principal's office at eight fifty, apologizing for being late and missing her phone calls. She took over for Rae who'd have to do some major speeding to make it to class on time. Olivia took care of all the paperwork to get Calvin into school and then walked him to his class. She watched through the window of the classroom for a minute before leaving the school and going back to work.

Olivia was swamped with the case she'd been called in on earlier and couldn't make it to pick Calvin up from school. She called Rae who, after some convincing, agreed to pick him up and take him to work with her. She called Simone to tell her that was running a little late and asked if she could sit in on her session until she arrived. She walked into the classroom about ten minutes after the session started with Calvin in tow. He sat up front with her and got out his homework to start working on it. Rae looked up at Simone to see a confused look on her face.

"It's...a long story" she said taking off her jacket. "Thanks for sitting in for me".

"No problem" she said. "And, uh...when will I get to hear this long story?" she asked interested in why a young boy would be accompanying Rae. Rae shrugged her shoulders and gave Simone an annoyed look. Simone smirked as she gathered her things to leave.

"Let me take you out for a drink tonight" she offered, "You look like you could use one".

"Uh, I don't know if I'll have time" she said. "As you can see, I'm on kid duty" she whispered. Simone didn't know what to think about this little situation but she definitely couldn't wait to hear whose kid this was and why he was with Rae.

"Well, whenever your kid duty ends, give me a call" she said. She gave Rae a sympathetic squeeze on the shoulder and left the classroom. "Ok, everyone" she said addressing her students, "break up into your class groups. We'll use today to go over any questions you have on problem sets I gave out last week". The students dispersed into their groups and started working together. Rae had broken them up into sections: freshman algebra, geometry, algebra two and calculus. She made problem sets that fit what they were covering in their specific classes and gave each group thirty minutes of the two hour study session to ask all the questions they needed to ask. This time she had Calvin and she had to help him with his homework too. "Ok, that's it for today. I'll see you all on Wednesday" she said ending the session. The students packed up their things and headed out. "Hey, buddy" she said rubbing Calvin's back, "go ahead and pack up. We're gonna head home".

"Will Olivia be there?" he asked as he started putting his homework in his bag.

"Ummm, I don't know. She might have to work late". She could see he didn't like the idea of Olivia not being there when they got home. "Why don't we give her call and see if she'll be home for dinner" she suggested. He smiled and nodded his head. She took out her cell phone and dialed Olivia's number. When she answered, Rae handed Calvin the phone and let him talk to her. After a few minutes, he handed her back the phone and finished packing his things while Rae talked to Olivia. "You ready?" she asked as she hung up with Liv. He put his backpack on his shoulders and nodded his head. "Ok, let's go". They walked out to Rae's car and left the school. Olivia said she'd try to make it home for dinner but she couldn't make any promises. To Calvin that meant she might be home for dinner or she might not. To Rae, it meant she definitely wasn't gonna make it but she didn't tell that to the kid. She let him decide what they'd be having for dinner. He picked chinese, so they stopped on the way home and got what he wanted. They ate and watched a movie. Rae checked Calvin's homework before making up the couch for him to go to sleep at nine. He argued for a few minutes, saying he wasn't tired, but Rae told him he had to go bed. "It's a school night" she said. He finally relented and laid down. Not even half an hour later, he was fast asleep.

Rae went into the bedroom and changed into one of Liv's oversized t-shirts before getting bed. She pulled her laptop from her bag and started working on a paper she had due at the end of the week. She'd spaced on the time and didn't realize how late it was until the bedroom door opened and Olivia walked in. She looked at the time on her computer screen and saw it was one am. She rolled her eyes at herself, knowing she had an eight am class to get up for. She saved her paper and shut down her computer before putting it back in her bag. Olivia changed her clothes and got into bed next to her girlfriend.

"Hello, my love" Rae said leaning over to give her a kiss. "How was work?" she asked.

"Wonderful" she said sarcastically. Rae chuckled at her tone of voice. "Luckily, we already caught the perp. He didn't confess though. Lawyered up right away".

"Well, it's good that you got him, right? He can't hurt anyone else" she said laying down.

"Yeah, well, you know, we like it when they plead out. Save the..."

"Victim the pain of reliving it at trial" she said finishing her sentence. "Yeah, I know". Olivia looked down at her and smiled. She thought about how much she loved her. She didn't know if it was possible to love her any more. She laid down with her and kissed her full on the lips. She rolled on top of her, continuing their kiss and massaging her breasts through her t-shirt. Rae moaned into their kiss before reluctantly pulling away.

"Liv, it's really late" she said. Olivia kissed down her jaw and nibbled on her earlobe. "I have to get up really early". Olivia ignored her and continued to lick and suck on her neck. "Hey, hey, hey" she said pushing her away, "No marks" she said seriously. Olivia smirked and went back to kissing her girlfriend. "Uhmmm, what about our special guest?" she asked between kisses.

"What about him?" she asked. She parted Rae's legs, settled between them, and found the bottom of her t-shirt with her hands.

"He's sleeping on the couch. I don't want to wake him" she said.

"Well, I guess you better keep it down". Her hands traveled under Rae's shirt and upward, settling on her bare hips. "Were you planning on this tonight?" she asked, feeling that Rae wasn't wearing any underwear. She laughed and squirmed as Olivia's fingertips traveled up and down her sides, tickling her flesh.

"No, actually, I wasn't" she answered. Olivia covered Rae's mouth with her own and moved her hand back down between her legs, dipping her fingers into sticky wetness. Rae moaned into Olivia's mouth as she circled her clit. "You know...I'm no good...at volume control" she said between kisses. Olivia chuckled.

"Well, I guess now is the perfect time to work on that" she said with a smirk. Suddenly there was a knock on the door and Calvin called Olivia's name. "Yeah Calvin" she called through the door.

"I have to use the bathroom" he said. Rae laughed as Olivia pouted and rolled over to lay down on the other side of the bed.

"Ok, come in". The door slowly opened and he stuck his head in just a little. "It's ok. You can come in" she assured him. He opened the door wider and slipped into the room, hurrying to the bathroom. He flicked on the light and closed the door behind him. Rae put her face in her pillow and laughed.

"Oh my god" she whispered. "We're like normal parents getting interrupted by their kid having sex" she whispered still laughing. Olivia laughed with her and smiled at her calling them parents. A minute later, Calvin came out of the bathroom and went back out to the living room. Olivia laid down next to Rae and planted kisses along her shoulder and up her neck.

"Now where were we?" she whispered as she nibbled on her ear.

"He really missed you today, you know" she said softly.

"Not the reaction I was hoping for" she said laying by her side.

"I'm serious, love. He was really looking forward to you taking him to school".

"I showed up" she said quickly.

"Barely" she said. "And then you couldn't pick him up from school and you didn't make it home for dinner. He doesn't know your job like I do. When you say you're gonna try to make it, he's expecting you to make it. It disappointed him that you didn't". She wasn't trying to make Olivia feel bad, she just wanted her to understand how Calvin was feeling. "He had to sit with me all afternoon at work".

"Well, you're a teacher. That's good right? He can hang out with other kids and get his homework done" she said.

"Uh...well first of all, I'm not a teacher. I'm a tutor. Second, he's not "hanging out" with high school kids. They come to my sessions to study, not hang out. And Calvin's only in the sixth grade and it was his first day. He didn't have enough homework to keep him occupied the entire two hours. He didn't want to be with me, Liv. He wanted to be with you". Olivia opened her mouth to say something but she just sighed instead. She didn't know what to say. "Just tell me now if this is how it's gonna be the whole time he's here. If I'm gonna be on kid duty all the time because you can't get away from work then just..."

"No, babe. Of course not. You know I wouldn't do that to you".

"I know you wouldn't do it on purpose" she said, "but you can't say that you won't do it".

"I will try to be here as much as I can, you know that". Rae nodded her head.

"I do but the problem is that you're already here as much as you can be and it's not enough" she said.

"I'm sorry babe. I know you want me to be here more with you and I..." Rae shook her head.

"It's not about me. I'm not saying this for me. I'm ok. I'm talking about Calvin. His mother abandoned him and left him with you. You have to show up for him...or he might end up like Jimmy". Olivia got a horrified look on her face. "I'm just kidding" she said quickly with a little laugh. "I'm sorry. I'm kidding".

"That was not funny" she said pulling Rae into her. She snuggled into her, laying her head on Olivia's chest. Olivia took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I'll be here" she said softly. "I promise". She stared at the ceiling and played with Rae's hair until she heard her breathing even out, indicating she was asleep. She thought about everything Rae said and everything she wanted. This was her chance at having a family. She wasn't going to screw it up. She kissed Rae on her head and closed her eyes to go to sleep.

The next month went by so quickly. Olivia was keeping her word to be around more for both Rae and Calvin. They really were their own little family. The weekend after she was named Calvin's guardian, Olivia found a new apartment. Her one bedroom wasn't cutting it anymore. Calvin needed his own room and she and Rae needed to have sex again. Rae wasn't comfortable making love with Calvin sleeping in the living room. She wanted more sound barriers between them. She'd been in the new apartment with Calvin for a couple of weeks now and things were going great but between getting settled in and both her and Rae's schedules they still hadn't had sex, even with the new apartment. One night Calvin asked Rae if Olivia had another girlfriend. Rae almost flipped out but Olivia quickly explained that it was Dana Lewis and that she'd come over late one night for help. "I'll explain it all later" she said. Rae told Calvin that she was Olivia's one and only girlfriend and not to worry because she wasn't going anywhere. She was getting used to the idea of raising Calvin with Olivia and maybe even talking about having a kid of their own. Everything about the three of them together felt right.

The weeks went on and Elliot was pestering Olivia about what she doing with Calvin. He thought she wasn't doing enough to find Calvin's father. Truth is, she couldn't bring herself to look for him. She had the swab of Calvin's DNA sitting in her desk drawer but she couldn't send it to the lab. She didn't want to find Calvin's father. She didn't want to risk losing him. She told Rae about how Elliot was interfering. Rae never understood Elliot's need to stick his nose in other people's business. Vivian had left Calvin with Olivia, end of story. It was up to her what to do next. It was only important to find Calvin's father if Olivia didn't want to take care of Calvin but that wasn't the case. But once again, Elliot thought he had all the answers; the right answers. He saw the DNA swab in Olivia's desk drawer one day and took it upon himself to send it to the lab. In the end that didn't matter. Vivian's name came up during an investigation which meant she was back in the city. Olivia tried not worry but she couldn't help it. She didn't want Vivian anywhere near Calvin. Rae could tell that something was bothering Olivia but she didn't want to talk about it in front of Calvin. They waited until he'd gone to sleep and then went into the bedroom to talk.

"Ok, what's going on?" she asked sitting next to her on the bed.

"Vivian's back" she said. "She's in the city". She looked down at her hands and anxiously tapped her foot. "Elliot's pushing me to find her. We could lose Calvin". Rae didn't know what to say. It'd been in the back of her mind that this was supposed to be a temporary arrangement but she was getting used to Calvin being around. Not to mention Olivia was extremely happy being a mom. She didn't want to see her lose that.

"It's gonna be ok" she said finally. "There's no way she'll be able to get him back. I mean, she's a drug addict and she abandoned him once already. She's unfit". She reached up and put her hand under Olivia's chin, bringing her eyes up to meet hers. "You took him in. You love him. You take care of him. You give him everything he wants and needs. He wants to have your last name" she said with a smile. "No matter what anyone else says, you are his mother". Olivia's eyes filled with tears at Rae's words. She was so grateful to her and for her. She kissed her sweetly and then held her tight. Neither one of them knew what would come next but they knew they would face it together. No matter what happened, they would always have each other.


	3. Chapter 3: A Year Later

Chapter 3: A Year Later

_I have died everyday waiting for you. Darling don't be afraid. I have loved you for a thousand years. I'll love you for a thousand more._

"Hey babe" Rae said with a yawn. She didn't have to bother with looking at the caller id. That was ringtone she'd set for Olivia months ago. It'd been a little under a year since she and Rae had gotten back together and they were extremely happy. They'd gone through their share of problems in that time but they'd worked through them together and came out of it stronger. Olivia was working same as always and Rae was close to finishing her sophomore year in college. "Yeah, ok. I'll be right there". Rae threw back the covers and got up from bed. She shuffled lazily to the front door. It was almost three in the morning and Olivia was just getting home from work. She'd forgotten her key and had to call Rae to let her in the apartment. She opened the door and saw Olivia in clothes covered in blood.

"Oh my god, Liv" she said pulling her into the apartment. "What the hell happened?" she asked worriedly. She quickly closed and locked the door before turning back to her girlfriend.

"I'm ok" she said slightly dazed. She walked to the bedroom and started to undress. It was times like this that Rae wished she had a bathtub. She went in and started the shower so it'd be warm for Olivia when she stepped in. She let her shower and waited up in bed for her. Olivia came back into the bedroom wrapped in a towel and quickly changed into underwear and a t-shirt before laying down in bed. Rae laid down face to face with her and held her hand.

"You want to talk about it?" she asked. Olivia seemed to be in a cloud. She just laid their quietly for a minute trying to find her voice.

"There was a shooting at the precinct. The daughter of a rape victim, she came in and she just started shooting. The team's all fine but she killed three people and Elliot shot and killed her". Her voice was shaky and she was clinging to Rae's hand for dear life. Araeyah wasn't sure what to say to make Olivia feel better. "IAB is on his case. The girl shot three people, she raised her gun at a man, he had to shoot her" she whispered as tears escaped her eyes. Rae brought her free hand up to wipe them away.

"It's ok, babe. Everything's gonna be ok. You're all safe and that's all that matters" she said softly.

"Sister Peg was one of the people she killed" she said sadly. Olivia told Rae about working with Sister Peg on cases before. She admired the woman and the work she did within her community. She was such an advocate for the people that most others thought were insignificant. Olivia thought the world could use more people like her. "She was standing near me when she was shot. I tried...I tried to stop the bleeding but it was...it was too much". Tears continued to pour out of Olivia's eyes faster than Rae could wipe them away. She decided to just let her cry it out. "It could've been me" she said softly.

"It wasn't" Rae said quickly.

"It could've been me" she repeated. Rae let go of her hand and took Olivia face between her own,

"You can't think like that. It wasn't you. You're safe".

"I'm glad" she whimpered. "I'm glad it was her and not me" she said explaining. "I just kept thinking that it could've been me and then I was glad it wasn't. Does that make me a horrible person?" she asked.

Rae shook her head, "No. Of course not. It's a natural way to feel" she said wiping her face as her tears slowed. "I'm glad too. I'm glad that you're here and you're safe. I'm sorry that anyone was hurt or killed but I'm glad it wasn't you. And that doesn't make me a horrible person either". She kissed her gently on the lips and let her snuggle into her, laying her head on her chest. Rae soothed Olivia the way she usually did for her. Within fifteen minutes, her breaths had evened out and she was fast asleep.

The next morning when Rae woke up Olivia had already left. She hated when she did that. After Olivia'd had so many close calls at work: being stabbed, assaulted, held at gunpoint, going undercover with the FBI, she'd told her that whenever she was leaving to wake her. She wanted "I love you" to be the last thing Olivia heard from her should anything ever happen. Olivia didn't like talking about it but Rae would force her. They had to be realistic. Olivia's job was dangerous and there was always a possibility that she wouldn't come home. Even though Rae was only in school and just working at the high school, there was a possibility that she wouldn't make it home either. Anything could happen. She got up, got dressed, made herself coffee, and headed out for the day. She tried calling Olivia before she walked into class but she didn't answer. She left her a message to call her back as soon as she could and then turned her phone on vibrate.

She went through the entire day and never got a call back from Oliva. When she got home, she was hoping that Liv would be there but no such luck. She tried calling her again but again got her voicemail. Olivia walked into the apartment just after ten o'clock and went directly to the bedroom, not even stopping to say hi to Rae. She tried to give her some space to unwind but after an hour she got up and went to the bedroom. Olivia was already in bed and looked to be sleeping. Rae went over and crawled on the bed to sit next to her.

"Hey" she whispered lightly shaking her. Olivia ignored her and continued to pretend to be asleep. "Liv, I know you're not asleep" she said annoyed. She turned over on her back and looked up at her younger girlfriend.

"What?" she said with a sigh.

"Ummm...what?" she said repeating her, "Well, let's see, you left this morning without saying goodbye to me, which we've talked about before. You didn't return any of my phone calls today, which we've talked about before, and then you come home and don't even speak to me, which we've also talked about before. What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing's wrong with me". She clearly wasn't interested in having a conversation with Rae.

"Why'd you come here?" Rae asked. Olivia looked at her confused by the question. "You don't want to see me, don't want to talk to me. Why didn't you just go back to your own apartment?" she asked clarifying her question.

"I didn't say that I didn't want to see or talk to you".

"You didn't have to say it. It's what you've shown me all day. You walked into my apartment and acted like I wasn't even home". Araeyah didn't intend to put up with Olivia's standoffish behavior. Olivia just laid there in bed and stared up at the ceiling. Rae waited patiently for her to decide how this was going to go. After a few minutes of silence, Rae moved to get off the bed. "Go home, Liv" she said as she walked out of the bedroom back to her homework. Olivia laid still for a few minutes before getting out of the bed and putting her clothes back on. She grabbed her phone and keys and walked out of the bedroom to the front door. She paused for a minute, questioning her decision to leave but went ahead and left the apartment, slamming the door behind her.

Rae was unphased by Olivia's mood. They'd gone through this before after she was assaulted while undercover at Sealview Women's prison. The assault happened when they were broken up but Olivia was affected by it for months afterward. She hadn't wanted to tell Rae about it but when she started therapy for PTSD, she didn't have a choice. There were times when she wouldn't talk to Rae at all and would stay at her own apartment for days at a time. At first Rae tried to force her way in by going over when Olivia didn't want her to and trying to make her talk even though she wasn't up for it. Eventually she learned that sometimes she needed to give Olivia her space and let her work through things on her own before she was ready to work through them with her. Then she lost Calvin. Even though they both knew it wasn't supposed to last forever, they never mentioned it. Olivia was so happy to have a son and Rae just wanted her to enjoy being a mom while she could. The boy had grown on both of them and it was hard for Rae when he was taken away but it was devastating for Liv. They consulted a lawyer about contesting the revocation of Olivia's rights. He told them that it would be a tough battle given that Olivia had arrested both of Calvin's parents. Her work schedule and the fact that her girfriend was a teenager didn't help either. With all the had going against them, it wasn't likely the court would go against the father's wishes for Calvin to be with blood relatives. Olivia and Rae met with Calvin and his grandparents and they agreed to let him visit. That was an arrangement that Olivia would have to live with. Those had been rough times for them in their relationship but Rae was patient and understanding. Olivia was lucky to have her. About ten minutes after Olivia left her apartment, she walked back through the door and joined Rae on the couch.

"I'm sorry" she said softly. She knew she was wrong to shut Rae out the way she was doing. They'd been through this before and she never understood how Rae put up with it but she was glad that she did.

"Ok" she said back not looking up from her computer screen.

"We had to give our statements to IAB today" she said starting to explain her day. Rae saved the paper she was working on and closed her laptop, setting it on the coffee table. She turned to face Olivia and brought knees to her chest.

"How was that?" she asked. She knew Olivia couldn't stand IAB on account that they'd tried to take her badge many times.

"Not good. They're gonna try to scapegoat Elliot. I know they are" she said.

"But how? I mean the girl shot three people. He had to stop her".

"Tucker's gonna try to find a way to take his badge. He hates us and he thinks Elliot's gotten away with too many things in the past. This is his chance to get him off the force". Olivia sighed and ran her hands through her hair. "I don't know what I'd do without him. We've been partners and best friends for twelve years. I couldn't imagine working with anyone else". Rae knew that Elliot and Olivia were close. Sometimes she was jealous of how close. She wondered if anything had ever happened between them before she came into the picture but she'd never asked. She didn't even want to think about how that conversation would go.

"You should stay positive. I mean, they can't prove he did anything wrong, right?". Olivia shook her head from side to side. "Then you shouldn't worry" she said simply. "Everything will work out the way its suppose to". Rae had a way of making Olivia feel better with the things she said. She didn't know how her girlfriend came up with all of her sayings but she loved them and her. She didn't know how she'd ever gotten on without her. One thing was for sure, she didn't want to experience getting on without her ever again.

The next few weeks seemed to drag on. Elliot was still out of work and IAB was still investigating the shooting. Olivia seemed to be so lost without him there. She'd been trying to talk to him but he wasn't returning any of her phone calls. Rae tried talking to Maureen to see what was going on with him but she said she didn't know. He didn't talk about the shooting or work in general at home, no different than he'd always been. She was surprised to hear that he wasn't talking to Liv though. She was the one he always talked to about work related things. There didn't seem to be anything Rae could do about Elliot ignoring Olivia so she just tried to be there for her as much as she could. It only got worse when Captain Cragen started talking about hiring new detectives. Olivia thought he should wait for IAB to finish their investigation. There was no way that they'd be able to bring charges against him. She felt like he was giving up on him and she didn't like it at all. Rae tried to be understanding of what Liv was going through but she was getting tired of always hearing about Elliot. It was taking over their lives. Olivia hadn't bothered to check in with Rae and see how things were going with school or work or her mom or Jimmy. It was like nothing outside of what was going on with Elliot was important. At the beginning of the week, Rae had started spending all her time after work either with friends or at Fordham's library, which didn't close until three am on week nights. Olivia hadn't even noticed. If she did notice then she must not have cared because she didn't say anything.

On Saturday night, Rae went to Olivia's apartment to get a shirt she'd left there that she wanted to wear the next day. When she walked into the apartment, Olivia was sitting on the couch talking on the phone. From what she could hear, she was leaving Elliot yet another voicemail. Rae rolled her eyes and went into the bedroom to look for her shirt. While she was looking, she saw a couple of other shirts that she might want to wear and before she knew it, she'd packed an entire bag. She grabbed her favorite pair of brown sandals and put them in the bag with her clothes and walked out of the bedroom heading straight for the front door. Olivia shot up from the couch when she saw that Rae was leaving with a bag of clothes in her hands.

"Rae" she said catching up to her, "What are you doing?" she asked nervously.

"I'm going home". She tried to open the door but Olivia stood in front of it, not letting her reach the knob. "Olivia, what are you doing?" she asked annoyed.

"Don't leave me. I need you" she said softly.

"Really? Because the only person you've seemed to need for the past month is Elliot. I'm tired of this Olivia. I know he's your partner and your best friend and losing him is hard for you but he's gone. He's gone and he doesn't even want to talk to you. He hasn't attempted to contact you since the night of the shooting. I've been here, right by your side and you don't even notice me. Then I leave for entire week and you don't notice that either. It's not until I come over to get some of my stuff that you say something about me leaving you. When's the last time you asked me about my day? When's the last time we went to dinner or a movie or just spent time together at home? When's the last time we made love? When's the last time we said I love you?". Olivia stood there listening to Rae, taking in her questions and she knew the answer to each one. Before the shooting, before the shooting, before the shooting, and before the shooting. She'd been so consumed in this whole situation with Elliot that she'd been neglecting Rae and their relationship.

"I'm sorry. I know I've been obsessing over Elliot and trying to talk to him and figure out whether he's coming back to work. And you're right, it's been a long time since we've done any of those things but I don't want you to go. I do need you" she said, hoping Rae would stay.

"More than you need Elliot?" she asked. Olivia hesitated to answer for a little longer than Rae liked. "Move" she said trying to get to the door knob.

"No. Rae please" she said desperately.

"Olivia" she said sternly, "Get out of the way". Rae wasn't breaking up with Olivia but she was so upset she didn't want to be in the same building with her let alone the same apartment. Olivia was still blocking the door but when Rae lightly pushed her to the side, she didn't resist. Rae walked out of the apartment and disappeared down the stairs. Olivia shut the door, put her back to it and slid down to the floor. She put her face in her hands and cried.

The next day, Rae went to brunch with her mom and Jimmy. She talked to them about the problems she was having with Olivia. Her mother was still on the bandwagon of her dating someone her own age but Rae had just learned to ignore her. Jimmy tried to give her advice but he really didn't know anything about keeping a relationship. He was in the spring semester of his freshman year in college and was trying hard to stay focused on his studies. He was attending NA meetings regularly and had even become a "big brother" mentor through an outreach program at his college. He had more than enough keeping him busy. All Rae really wanted from him was to listen which he said he was always available to do. After she left with her mom and Jimmy, she met up with some of her friends from the pre-health professionals program to go bowling. Olivia called her three times while she was out. She answered only because she knew how much she hated it when Olivia ignored her phone calls. She made it clear that she was still angry and she didn't want to talk to her. Olivia asked if she'd be coming home and she said she didn't know but she'd let her know what she decided. Olivia went over to Rae's apartment and waited. If she did decide to come home, she wanted to be there.

Rae had an early morning class so at ten thirty she decided it was time for her to call it a night. She got home at eleven to find Olivia sitting at her living room window in the dark. She was blankly staring at the view of the street below. Rae walked over and sat down next to her. They both sat silently for a few minutes just looking out the window. Rae was trying to figure out what exactly Olivia was staring at and Olivia was just staring into space not sure how to apologize to Rae.

"I do need you more" she whispered. Rae looked at her and saw tears forming in her eyes. She moved closer to Olivia, leaned into her and wrapped her arms around her waist.

"I know" she whispered back.

"I'm sorry" she said placing a kiss on top of Rae's head.

"I know" she whispered again. She pulled away from Olivia and looked her in the eyes. "Elliot's gone and I know that you're sad about that but you can't ignore all the people that are still here for you" she said softly. Olivia nodded and wiped away the few tears that had fallen down her face. "You still have me and Fin and John,the Captain, Alex and Casey. We're all still here".

"I was so scared that I'd lost you again" she said resting their foreheads together. Rae shook her head.

"No. You'll never lose me. I promise" she whispered. She kissed her sweetly on the lips, "Come on, let's go to bed". She got up and pulled Olivia up from the floor with her and they went in her room to get ready for bed.


	4. Chapter 4: Out with the Old

**AN: I took Olivia's conversation with Cragen (verbatim) from season 13 episode 1 Scorched Earth. All credit goes to SVU writers, Dick Wolf, and NBC.**

Chapter 4: Out with the Old, In with New

The next day, Olivia went in to work on the case of a maid who'd been raped by an Italian diplomat staying at her hotel. When she brought the victim to the precinct from the hospital a blonde with a southern accent came up and introduced herself. She told her how glad she was to be there and that she was a big fan of her work. Olivia couldn't get away from her fast enough. She couldn't believe that this was really happening. She still thought it was premature for the Captain to bring in new detectives. Elliot hadn't done anything wrong but they were going to fry him anyway. If she could just talk to him and find out where his head was she'd feel so much better about everything that was happening. After work, they went out for drinks and Olivia talked to Fin about not being able to get in touch with Elliot and the possibility of him coming back to work. He said something that hadn't occurred to her before. She hadn't thought about how the fact that he'd killed a teenage girl, around the same age as his own daughters, might be affecting him. Even still, she wanted him to come back. The case moved to trial quickly because of the high profile defendant. He was tried and sentenced within two weeks and Elliot still hadn't come back to work. They were sitting at their desks discussing the verdict when Cragen called Olivia to his office.

"Nice working with ya" Munch joked as she got up and walked over to his office.

"I don't think she was lying about being raped" she said as she followed him in his office. He turned around and faced her.

"Will you shut the door, please" he said. She looked at him worriedly and slowly moved to close the door. She stood silently and waited for him to say something. "Elliot put his papers in" he said. "There was nothing I could do". It took everything inside of her not to break down right there in his office.

"He's earned it" she said.

"And then some" Cragen said agreeing. "You want to talk?" he asked.

"No" she said sadly.

"You want to take a day?" he asked. She thought about her answer only for a second.

"I'm fine" she said trying to keep it together.

"Liv...I'm sorry". She gave a sad smile and nodded before leaving his office. She wasn't sure what to do with herself. As walked back into the squad room Fin could tell something was wrong but Olivia said she was ok. Munch got a call for a new complaint and after looking at Liv for a moment, he told Fin to take Rollins but Olivia said she would go. She told him to give her five minutes and she'd be ready. She quickly found an empty room and let go of the tears she'd been holding back. She couldn't believe that she'd lost her partner, the best friend she'd ever had. What was she going to do without him? She pulled herself together as quickly as she could and looked at herself in the window. She didn't want anyone to suspect that she'd been crying. Once she'd fully gained her composure she went back out and found Fin so they could leave.

Rae had been calling Liv but she hadn't answered. They'd made an appointment to go look at an apartment they were interested in. If they didn't count the three months they were broken up, it was a year and half that they'd been dating now. They'd finally decided that it was time for them to find a place together. Rae thought that she should just move in with Olivia since she had the bigger apartment and she was there all the time anyway but Olivia didn't want that. She wanted them to start over in a new place. Not one that was her's or Rae's but both of theirs together. Of course, Olivia wasn't answering her phone calls so she got the feeling they were going to miss their appointment. She decided to meet their realtor, Adam, alone to look at the apartment since it was too late to cancel. She liked the place but it didn't feel like their place. Maybe she would've felt differently if Olivia were with her but as usual, duty called. Adam said he would keep looking for places that he thought would suit them and send info through email when he thought he had a match. Rae thanked him and they parted ways.

She tried to call Olivia again, wanting to know what she wanted for dinner or if she'd even be home for dinner. She hadn't had to work at the high school so she'd gone to the library and gotten some homework done. It was five in the evening when she left and decided she'd go to the precinct to see Liv in person. She hoped that she would be getting off work on time and that they would be able to go out to dinner. She walked into the precinct and didn't see anyone she recognized. A blonde got up from her desk and walked over to her.

"Hi, can I help you?" she asked. Rae smiled at her accent and maybe checked her out for a little longer than she should have. It didn't go unnoticed by the blonde, who returned the favor and gave Rae a once, maybe even twice over.

"Ummm, yeah. I'm looking for Olivia" she finally said.

"Hey, kid" she heard from behind her. She didn't even have to turn around to know who it was. Only one person called her kid.

"Hey John" she said, keeping her eyes on the blonde in front of her. He came up behind her and put his arm around her shoulder.

"I see you've met our latest addition" he said.

"Uh, not really" she said looking at the blonde. "Araeyah Caston. Call me Rae" she said extending her hand.

"Amanda Rollins" she said shaking her hand. She felt a shock go through her hand and quickly pulled away. "Sorry" she said apologizing for the electricity.

"It's ok" Rae said shaking out her hand. She cleared her throat and turned to John, "Ummm, where's Liv?" she asked. Rollins took that as her cue to go back over to her desk.

"She's on a call with Fin. They've been gone awhile so it shouldn't be too much longer before they're back" he said going over to his desk.

"Ok. You think the Captain will mind if I wait here?" she asked. He looked at her liked she'd just spoken to him in Farsi or some other language he didn't understand before sitting down at his desk. "I'll take that as a no" she said under her breath. Rae debated about whether she wanted to just hang out at Olivia's desk or pester John until she got back. Then she locked her eyes on the blonde beauty she'd just met and decided she'd go pick her brain for awhile. She got a chair and put it next to her desk then sat down.

"So, where's that accent from?" she asked. Amanda gave her an amused look and she returned it, waiting for an answer.

"Georgia" she answered.

"Georgia? Something about fruit, right?" she asked. Amanda laughed and nodded her head.

"Peaches".

"Right. I like peaches" she said laughing. "I have an accent too but only when I talk to my mother" she said.

"Really?" Rollins asked. She was intrigued by the beautiful young woman in front of her. As far as was concerned, Olivia could take her time. "Where's yours from?"

"Iran, by way of my parents. I've never been there" she said sounding disappointed by that fact. "So what brings you to New York? I mean, besides this place. You have family here?" she asked moving the conversation along. Amanda smiled at how nice Rae was being towards her. It was the nicest anyone had been to her since she'd arrived in the city.

"No" she answered, "All my family's back in Georgia. I just...came for the job". Rae was loving this woman's accent. Her tone was low and sultry and the twang of her accent gave her voice a little edge. She liked her laid back style and her smile was really inviting. There wasn't a doubt in her mind that they would get along just fine.

"They asked you here all the way from Georgia. You must be one hell of a detective" she said. She was flirting without really trying and Rollins planned to give it right back. She didn't know who this girl was or why she'd come to see Olivia but she didn't mind keeping her company until she arrived.

"Well, you know, I try at least" Rollins said, flirting back. "Honestly, I asked and the captain accepted".

"Still. He wouldn't hire you if he didn't think you were good" she said. Rae looked into her deep blue eyes and saw something there that she sorely missed. She used to see it from Olivia all the time. It was a look of wanting to know more, yearning to be closer. It was lust. John glanced up from his desk at the two of them and noticed the intense stare they had going on. He knew right then he needed to have a talk with the new girl. Rae and Amanda's intense gaze eventually ended and their conversation picked back up. At some point during their chat, Rae mentioned that she was only nineteen. She expected for Amanda to back away; be less interested in her. She was surprised when that didn't happen. Amanda seemed shocked by her age, which people usually were, but it didn't affect her interest in Rae the least bit.

Walking down the hall to the squad room, Olivia heard a laugh that was all too familiar to her. She picked up her pace, not wanting to wait another minute to be able to see Rae's smiling face. When she walked through the squad room doors, her stomach sank at the scene in front of her. Rae was sitting next to Rollins' desk and looked to be having a great time talking with her. The only problem was that Olivia wasn't upset that her girlfriend was casually flirting with another woman. She was upset that she was talking to Elliot's replacement. She angrily walked over to confront her.

"What are you doing?" she snapped. Rae looked up and saw that Olivia was obviously angry about something.

"Hey" she said smiling, "We were just talking. I was waiting for you". She got up and put the chair she'd been sitting in back where she pulled it from.

"Really?" she asked. "It doesn't look like you need me. You two seem to be having a good time all on your own". Rae didn't know where Olivia's latest attitude was coming from but she was getting really tired of her moods. "Don't you have work to do?" she asked looking at Rollins.

"Uh, yeah. I'm sorry. I was just..."

"You were just...getting back to work" Olivia said not wanting to further interact with the new detective. She walked over to her desk and sat down. Rae couldn't believe that Olivia was so rude.

"Olivia" she said in chastising tone following her and pulling a chair up to sit next to her.

"What!?" she snapped. Amanda just looked down and got back to the paperwork she'd been working on before Rae had come over to talk to her.

"What's wrong with you?" she asked.

"Nothing. I'd just like to not walk in to work and see my girlfriend fawning over the new commodity" she said angrily. Rae scoffed and rolled her eyes.

"Oh, really? Come on, Liv. We were just talking" she said trying to keep her voice down. "I came here for you. John said that you were on a call so I just talked to her while I was waiting for you to get back" she explained. She felt a little guilty, not about her attraction to Amanda, but about flirting with her. Olivia had walked in and seen them. Now, she was jealous and having another one of her moods to boot.

"Yeah, well, you could've talked to John" she said.

"I just...he said she was new so I just thought I'd get to know her a little bit. What's the big deal?" She didn't understand why Olivia was making a big deal about her talking to the new girl. Rae could tell that their flirting wasn't what was bugging her.

"Elliot should be here. Not her" she whispered. Rae scoffed and rolled her eyes again.

"That's what this is about? Elliot" she asked annoyed. "Olivia, when are you gonna accept that he's gone? He's gone and he obviously doesn't want to come back or have anything to do with you or this squad anymore. We've talked about this. I am tired of hearing about Elliot" she said forcefully. "Anyway, I should be the one who's upset. You stood me up for the...millonth time". Olivia looked at her like she had no clue what she was talking about. "Great. You didn't even remember". Olivia closed her eyes and put her hand on her forehead.

"The appointment with Adam" she said figuring out what Rae was talking about. "Oh, babe I'm so sorry. I just...the captain gave me the news about Elliot and then we got a new case and I just..."

"What news about Elliot?" she asked.

"He...he's not coming back" she said sadly. "He put in his papers. He's retiring". The news wasn't surprising to Rae. She couldn't believe that after all this time Olivia still expected that he would walk through the squad room doors one morning. She just hoped that now that Liv knew for sure that he wasn't coming back, she could start to move on.

"Oh" she said, "Well at least now you have a definite answer". Olivia glared angrily at her.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" she asked.

"I just mean that you've been wondering for a couple of months whether he was going to come back and now that you know he's not you can stop stressing about it" she explained. Olivia looked at her like she'd just asked her a stupid question. "I just want to be able to put this behind us".

"So I should just forget about him, is that it?"

"That's not what I said. Don't twist my words" she said annoyed with Olivia and her current attitude. "Of course you shouldn't forget about him. He was an important person in your life for a long time but that doesn't mean that just because he's gone your life stops, love. Olivia, you have to move on. You are letting this take over your life and quite frankly...it's affecting our life together".

"Is that why you're flirting with the first attractive woman you laid eyes on?" she asked in a biting tone. Rae took a deep, calming breath and stood up from the chair. She put the check back at the desk she'd taken it from and walked towards the precinct doors. Olivia stood up from her desk and followed, "Where are you going?" she called after her. John and Amanda looked up from their desks at the sound of Olivia's raised voice.

"I'm going home" she said. "Don't worry, I won't talk to anyone on my way out. I wouldn't want to risk being disloyal to your partner...excuse me, ex-partner" she said correcting herself. She turned around and headed for the elevator. Olivia looked behind her and saw Munch and Rollins staring at her. She glared at Rollins for a minute then turned back around and walked out of the squad room. Munch took this opportunity to have a chat with her. He got up from his desk and went over, taking a seat on the edge of Rollins'.

"Can I offer some advice?" he asked. She looked up at him and shrugged her shoulders.

"Sure".

"Limit your contact with her" he said. Rollins gave him a look pretending not to know who he was referring to. He gave the look right back to her, telling her he wasn't a fool.

"We were just talking" she said.

"Yeah and I'm not suspicious our world leaders" he said sarcastically. "Araeyah is with Olivia".

"Yeah, I got that" she said.

"Good. So just, you know, no more flirting" he said giving her a friendly warning.

"If I'd known who she was, I wouldn't have" she said. She thought about what she'd just said and if she actually meant it. Truth is, she probably would've flirted with Rae no matter who she knew was there to see or why. But she knew it'd be a bad idea to continue now that she knew Rae was with Olivia. She could tell that Olivia didn't like her and if she kept flirting with her girlfriend, it'd only get worse. "It won't happen again, Sargeant" she said after some thought. Munch nodded his head, gave her a pat on the shoulder and then went back to his desk. Olivia came back to the squad room a few minutes later, followed a minutes after that by Fin. They sat at their desks and did paperwork for the rest of the day.

When Olivia got home, she walked into an empty apartment. She was expecting Rae to be there seeing as how she'd practically been living at her apartment while Jimmy was staying at her loft. Jimmy was having some problems with staying at home with his father. Charles was being an asshole as usual, imposing all these ridiculous restrictions on Jimmy's comings and goings and his company. He'd even said that Jimmy had to pay the mortgage a certain number of times a year to stay there. There was no way that Rae would ever let Jimmy give Charles a dime. So she said he could stay at her loft and she would spend more time at Olivia's place. This was the first night in a long time that Rae wasn't there when she got home. Olivia tried calling her but got her voicemail. She grabbed her keys and went back down to her car and drove to Rae's loft. When she went up and knocked, Jimmy answered the door. He told her that Rae wasn't there but he invited her to come in anyway. She went inside and they talked for awhile. She sort of unloaded on him about losing Calvin and Elliot leaving and Rae being upset with her. He just sat and listened, figuring that was what she needed the most. He didn't really know what advice to give her other than that she'd just gone through some hard losses and maybe to explain it to Rae that way. "Just tell her you need some time to be angry and hurt before you can move on" he said. She thanked him and said goodbye, then headed home to her apartment, hoping to find Rae there. She got home to see that Rae still hadn't come home. She tried calling her again but after a couple rings, it went to voicemail. A moment later she got a text message from Rae.

_I don't want to talk to you. I just need a couple of days to myself. I'll call you when I'm ready. I hope you have time to answer your phone._

Olivia groaned to herself and threw her phone on her bed. She undressed and went into the bathroom to shower and get ready for bed. She laid down and pulled the covers over her, letting out a loud huff of air. She was going to take Jimmy's advice and try to explain to Rae that she just needed more time to get over all that's happened. She was going to answer her phone when Rae called no matter what was going on at work and when Rae wanted to get together to talk, she would make it a priority to be there. She wasn't going to screw this up.


	5. Chapter 5: Feels Like Home

Chapter 5: Feels Like Home

The next day at work Olivia found out that another new detective was starting at the squad. She went into the captain's office to voice her objections. He told her that she needed to start accepting the fact that Elliot wasn't coming back and that she could start by packing up his things. He made it clear that this was no longer up for a debate. She got a box and started packing up Elliot's desk. Fin watched as she stared at the picture he'd left behind. He couldn't help but feel bad for her. He understood what it was like to lose a partner and good friend. All that was quickly put on the back burner when another case came in, a basketball coach accused of abusing his players. The new detective came in later that morning, Nicolas Amaro out of warrants. Everyone gave him a warm welcome except for Olivia. She gave him some attitude but everyone just ignored it and went on with the pleasantries. Cragen paired him up with Fin to go interview the complainant in their new case. The next couple of days were filled with interviews, trying to find more victims willing to cooperate against their suspect. They had one complainant named Stevie Harris but he wasn't credible enough for his complaint to stand alone. So far, they hadn't found anyone who wanted to speak out against good ol' coach Ray Masters. They couldn't give up on the case. They were very sure that the coach was still abusing the boys on his teams. Stevie told them about Prince Miller, the coach's best and most successful former player and how he'd gotten abused worse than him. Olivia and Fin went to try to talk to him but got the same thing they'd gotten with everyone else: resistance. There was no denying that something happened to Prince and they planned to keep working on getting him on board.

Rae called Olivia around lunch time and she answered, as promised. Olivia apologized for the way she acted a few days before and told Rae that she wanted to talk to her, really talk to her. She wanted to sit and have a conversation the way they used to. Rae agreed and said she would cook dinner for them and asked if seven was a good time. "Seven is perfect" Olivia said. They said their good byes and Olivia went back to work while Rae went on to her next class. Olivia was keeping her distance from the two new recruits and Cragen noticed. He pretended to check in on her then proceeded to ask her to help them out more, though she knew he wasn't really asking. So she sucked it up and worked with both of them to try to close this case. Thankfully, she worked more with Amaro than with Rollins. She really didn't have any interest in being near the woman. She knew she had eyes for her girlfriend and that really rubbed her the wrong way. Rollins debated whether she should talk to Benson to try to smooth things over between them but she decided against it. She figured whatever tension there was between them would eventually dissipate on its own.

Olivia left the squad room at six thirty to make it home for dinner with Rae at seven. She walked into the apartment just as Rae was putting dinner on the table. Araeyah was surprised that she didn't get a phone call saying that she was running late or that she wouldn't be able to make it at all. Instead she got her girlfriend arriving on time as planned for the first time in a very long time. Olivia walked over to her and kissed her sweetly on the lips.

"Dinner smells great" she said before kissing her again.

"Black bean salad, masama bedemjan, and peanut butter cookies for desert".

"You just had to add something with peanut butter didn't you?" she asked. Rae laughed softly and Olivia leaned down and kissed her one more time before asking if she minded that she change out of her work clothes into something more comfortable. Rae shook her head no so Olivia went into the bedroom to change for dinner. She came back out to the table to see a bottle of wine and two glasses, only Rae was drinking water. "You're not having any wine with dinner?" Olivia asked surprised. Rae always had at least one glass of wine while she ate.

"No. I've been feeling really thirsty lately so I'm trying to cut back on the coffee and wine a little bit" she explained.

"Should I be worried?"

"No. I'm fine" she said quickly. "Look about the other day with me and Amanda" she said starting to explain, "I'm sorry...I"

"No" Olivia said stopping her apology, "I'm sorry. I overreacted". Rae shook her head.

"Well, I think you reacted fine but for the wrong reason" she said. "You were upset because I was talking to the detective that replaced Elliot, because you felt I was, I don't know, a traitor or something. For that, yeah you overreacted. I would've understood your reaction more if you'd have been upset that I...was flirting with her". Olivia shifted uncomfortably in her chair and took a sip of her wine. "For that, your reaction would have been completely justified. So I'm sorry. I shouldn't have flirted with her like that, you know, in the squad room. I just, I mean, I wasn't even flirting with her intentionally. It just happened that way but it was wrong".

"What do mean in the squad room?" she asked.

"I mean, in the squad room, in front of John and anyone else who was paying us any attention" she explained.

"So it wouldn't have been wrong if you'd flirted with her in private?"

"No. I mean, yes. I...It was just wrong, period" she said changing her statement. Truth is, she flirted with people all the time. Not because she was attracted to them or interested in them in any way. She just flirted, for no reason at all. In this case, however, she was definitely attracted to and interested in the southern belle she'd met earlier. She just wasn't dumb enough to tell Olivia that.

"So you like her?" Olivia asked jealously.

"Yes. She seems nice".

"That's not what I mean and you know it" she said. She hadn't wanted to tell Liv how she felt about the woman but now that she was asking she had no choice. She couldn't lie.

"I think she's...interesting and funny. I like her accent and I think she's...very pretty" she said clearing her throat. "Uhh, yeah". She picked up her glass and took a drink of water.

"Should I be worried?" she asked again.

"No" she answered. "Of course not". She did like Amanda and maybe if she weren't with Olivia she'd go for it. But she was with Olivia. Rae wasn't a cheater. If she ever felt like things were getting too heavy between her and someone else while she was with Olivia then she would be honest about it and would make whatever changes she needed to make to remain faithful. She couldn't even think about anything like that happening with Amanda though. That was a disaster waiting to happen.

"Listen, about Elliot..." Rae subtly rolled her eyes when Olivia said Elliot's name. "I know you're tired of hearing about him and that I've been...distant with you since he left. It's just that Elliot has been a part of my life for so long, I just...I didn't know how I'd get on without him. I feel like everything's happened so quickly. I had Calvin and then I lost him and I know I haven't...completely moved on from that and now Elliot is gone. I just want things back to the way they were" she said sadly. "I guess I haven't quite accepted yet that it'll never happen. But I want you to know that I will accept it and I will move on. I just...I just need more time". Rae put her hand on the table and let it rest there for a minute before sliding it over towards Olivia, asking for her hand. Olivia put her hand in Rae's and received a light squeeze. She got up from her chair and sat in Olivia's lap, putting her hand on one side of her face and bringing their lips together. Their kiss quickly intensified and they forgot all about dinner. Olivia carried Rae into the bedroom and they made love for the first time in months.

A couple of hours later, they were back at the table, barely clothed, eating the dinner that Rae cooked for them. Olivia kept pestering Rae about what els she thought of Rollins. She could tell that she was extremely jealous that Rae was attracted to anyone but her. That fact that it was someone she worked with made it a lot worse. Rae continued to tell her that she had no reason to be jealous. Nothing was going to happen between her and Amanda. "At least not while we're together" she said. Olivia's face dropped and she looked like she was going to be sick. Rae laughed, "Oh babe, I was just kidding" she said quickly. Olivia glared at her. "I'm sorry" she said still laughing, "I...I'm sorry". She tried to stifle her laugh and give a serious apology. She kissed her lightly on the lips and apologized again for the bad joke. Olivia started to tell her about the other new detective on th squad and the new case they were working on when her phone started to ring. She answered and got Amaro telling her to meet him. Stevie was found dead of a drug overdose and their case was in jeopardy. She got dressed, kissed Rae goodbye and went to meet the team.

It took some time to get through to him but Prince finally decided to come forward about what Ray Masters did to him when he was younger. He spoke at a press conference which lit a spark and more boys came forward. They were able to arrest Ray Masters and put him behind bars. Olivia went home satisfied with the work they'd done on this case. Their next case was of a thirteen year old pregnant girl named Ella who was raped by a boy, also thirteen years old, at a party. Casey was the prosecutor on this one. At one point during the investigation, Casey suggested that Olivia's judgement was impaired because Elliot was gone;that she was off her game without her partner. Of course, Olivia was offended and stood up for herself by dissing the DA's office. She was so frustrated with how this case was going. To her this girl had clearly been raped, but to the DA's office these were two kids and the case was he-said, she-said. In the end it didn't matter, Ella's rapist was murdered by another boy their age. It turned out to be a case of sibling rivalry. Another case closed led to another and then to another and then to another. Elliot's absence was still fresh to Olivia but she felt like she was getting used to working with Rollins and Amaro. They were good detectives, that she couldn't deny. But they weren't Elliot and no amount of good detective work was going to change that.

Olivia was still talking about Elliot at home a lot more than Rae liked but she'd promised Olivia that she'd give her more time to move on from him leaving the job. She just hoped that it didn't take too much longer because she felt like they talked about him more than anything else. They'd moved forward with their plans to find a place together but had yet to find anywhere that felt right for them. Rae kept bringing up the idea of her just moving into Olivia's apartment but she was still against that idea. She wasn't ready to give up on them finding somewhere new. Then Adam called and said he thought he'd found the perfect place for them in Soho. Olivia was where she always was, working. He said it was very popular and if they didn't get there soon, it would be gone. Rae called Olivia and left her a message and hoped she'd get back to her soon.

Rae wanted to talk to Maureen about her apartment hunting with Olivia but she wasn't around as much anymore. Just as Olivia had lost all contact with Elliot, Rae was slowly losing contact with Maureen. Things had become really awkward between them since Elliot stopped talking to Liv. Rae vented about how Olivia talked so much about Elliot and how hard it was to lose him and Maureen didn't ever know what to say. She didn't know why her father was ignoring his best friend and she felt like Rae wanted answers from her. She didn't feel like she could give any and she didn't feel comfortable asking her dad about it. The truth was that for a lot of years, it was suspected by Elliot's family that he and Olivia might be having an affair. That was put to the side once she started dating Araeyah. Now, the question had come up again. Elliot had decided to retire and cut off all contact with Olivia and Olivia was obsessing over him. Why would they do that if they were "just friends"? Maureen didn't want to say any of that to Rae so, like her father, she made herself scarce. Rae didn't let it bother her too much. She figured they'd reconnect when the time was right. She kept herself busy with school, work and the band and hung out with Ashley, Simone, her band mates and classmates in her spare time. She went out with Olivia, Fin, John, and now Nick and Amanda when she could. She got the feeling that Nick was a bit like Elliot was. He had his opinions and he stuck to them. He had a hard time accepting when he might be wrong and he wasn't shy about his disapproval of Olivia's relationship with Rae.

"I'm guessing you two get along just fine" Rae said one night when they were out. She'd met them at bar when they'd gone to celebrate a guilty verdict. It was her first time meeting Nick but she was getting a lot of his personality all at once. He and Amanda didn't understand her comment but Olivia, Fin and John were crystal clear about what she meant. After a couple of hours, they all said their good byes and parted ways for the night.

The next day, Olivia and Rae went to look at the apartment Adam found for them. It was a seven story loft complex and the place they were looking at was on the seventh floor. It was somewhat like Rae's loft except it was bigger, had two bedrooms and bathrooms instead of one, and the rooms had real doors so they wouldn't have to hang curtains. The view they would have of the city was absolutely beautiful. There was something about this place that felt like home. Rae knew as soon as she walked in the door that this was their place. Olivia loved it too. She could definitely see them living there, together and happy but she was hesitant to agree that this was their place.

"This is so perfect" Rae said looking at Adam. He beamed knowing that he'd found something to make them happy. "The commute will be the same for you to work. A little longer for me but not too much longer. It's two bedrooms and two bathrooms and there's actually doors" she said happily. "Hey" she said going over to Olivia, "What do you think?" she asked. Olivia looked around, silently taking the place in. "Come on, don't you love it?" Rae asked excitedly. Olivia nodded her head.

"I do. It's beautiful. This view is amazing and this kitchen" she said walking over to the stove, "I would love to cook in this kitchen". The stove, refrigerator and dishwasher were against the wall and the sink was underneath a small window that gave the same view to the city as the large ceiling to floor window in the living room. Their was an island in the middle of the floor for food preparation and storage and they would have the same overhead hanger as the one in Rae's house to hang pots and pans.

"But?" Rae asked pulling Olivia out of her daze.

"But...this place is really expensive Rae" she said. Rae's face immediately fell at the mention of money. "I know you don't like talking about the money but babe" Olivia paused and shrugged her shoulders, "I can't afford this" she said softly.

"Yes, _we _can" Rae said putting emphasis on the "we", letting Olivia know there was no "I" anymore. "We'll work out the specifics later but right now all we need to know, all we need to _feel_, is whether this place is _our _place" she said taking her hands. "It's just what you wanted, a little bit of you and a little bit of me all wrapped up in one. Don't overthink this. Adam did an amazing job finding this place for us and it's perfect. It's not too simple, not too flashy, very elegant. We can make the second bedroom into a guest room for Clvin when he comes to visit. And who knows...maybe it'll be a nursery in the not too far off future" she said giving Olivia an image of what this place could be for them. "It's sooo...us. Right?" she asked looking back and forth between Adam and Olivia. Adam nodded his head in agreement. "So what do you say?" she asked hopefully. Olivia thought about it for a moment longer before answering.

"Ok" she finally said. "Let's do it". Rae's smile returned in full force.

"Yeah?" she asked just to be sure. Olivia nodded.

"Yeah". Rae wrapped her arms around Olivia's neck and pulled her down into a kiss. When their kiss ended, Rae turned to Adam with a big smile.

"We'll take it" she said.

"Great. I knew this was the one" he said proud of himself. He pulled out his phone and dialed a number. "Yeah, Janet" he said into the speaker, "The couple I told you about for the seventh floor Soho loft...yeah, they love it. They want to go ahead and sign". He listened for a minute before giving them a thumbs up. Rae turned back to Olivia and kissed her again.

"We're gonna love it here. I just know it" she whispered. Olivia smiled and rested her forehead on Rae's.

"I don't doubt it for a second" she whispered back. When Adam finished his phone call he told them the loft was theirs just as soon as they signed the lease and put down first, last and security deposit which was a whopping seventy five hundred dollars. After that, rent would be five thousand a month. Olivia almost went back on her agreement but before she could say anything Rae squeezed her hand and said it wouldn't be a problem. They signed all the necessary paperwork and Rae gave Adam a cashier's check for the deposit. She tried to talk to him about settling his fees as well but he said that it had already been taken care of by an "anonymous donor". Rae's mother sent them to Adam when Rae told her that she and Olivia were looking for a place. So the anonymous donor wasn't so anonymous. Once everything was settled, Adam met back up with them and handed them the keys to their new home. They'd finally found a place of their own.


	6. Chapter 6: Anticlimactic

Chapter 6: Anticlimactic

The next couple weeks flew by as Rae and Olivia got settled into their new place. They hit a couple of bumps trying to decorate but with some compromise they were eventually able to blend their styles really well. Rae had finished her sophomore year of college and school was out for the high school as well. Simone wasn't teaching any classes for the summer session so she'd had nothing to do so far this summer. She only had another week to decide if she wanted to sign up for some classes before the second summer session at Fordham started up. Olivia didn't think she should take any extra classes. "Why would you want to take away the most free time you'll have all year?" she asked. Her answer was that she didn't want to be bored anymore while she was working. Olivia argued that she didn't have to be bored. She had her mom, her brother, her friends, and they'd been spending all of her off days together. "Not to mention our vacation is coming up" she reminded her. If she took any classes, they might interfere with their two week getaway. It was the beginning of July and they were finally going to go on the trip that Rae had bought her for Christmas. Olivia had put in for vacation time a month ahead and she had more than enough saved up so there was no reason that anything would get in the way. Unless, of course, Rae decided to be an overachiever and get ahead by taking some courses over the summer.

"What about online courses?" she asked. "I can do the work on my own schedule. I can work ahead, that way it won't interfere with our vacation" she said.

"You really don't know how to not be in a classroom do you?" Olivia asked. Rae sat down on the couch and brought her legs up crossing them one over the other.

"Well, our vacation is only two weeks and then you go back to work and I'll be bored again". Olivia started to tell her again that it didn't have to be that way but she cut her off before she could get anything out. "I know you don't think I have to be bored but I am. All of my friends have summer jobs, or they're gone on vacation, or they're in summer school. I'm the only one with nothing to do" she said.

"Well there will be plenty to do once we get to India and then Italy". They'd packed up everything except their toiletry bags which they'd be packing up last. Their flight out was in two days and by Friday, they'd be on foreign soil. They had their tickets and passports all ready to go and their bags were sitting by the door. Olivia was incredibly excited. Not only was she taking her dream vacation but she was taking it with the most beautiful woman that she loved more than anyone else in the world.

"Still doesn't solve the problem of what I'll do when we get back and you go back to work" she said with a pout. "Speaking of work, how's my favorite blonde?" she asked. Olivia glared at her and she held her hands up, "Kidding….sort of" she added. "Really, how are things between the two of you?" she asked more serious this time. "Has the ice melted yet?"

"No, it hasn't" she said angrily. She sat down on the couch across from Rae.

"Oh but I thought you said you had a few nice, bonding moments?"

"I said we have some things in common. She's a good cop and she had it sounds like she might have had a tough time growing up and she mentioned that something happened to her on the job back in Atlanta….but I didn't say we were getting along". It bothered Rae that Olivia didn't like Amanda because she got along with her just fine. But then again, she seemed to get along with pretty much everyone. Still, she wanted to be friends with Amanda and she didn't feel like she could do that if it would cause problems between her and Olivia at home and Amanda and Olivia at work.

"Ok. So why aren't you getting along?" she asked. Olivia gave her a look as if the answer to that question was obvious. "What?" she asked. "I don't know why you two don't like each other. The only reason you ever gave was that she'd "replaced Elliot", which is _not_ a valid reason" she said. Olivia's face dropped at the mention of Elliot's name like it always did when his name came up. She was still sad about him being gone and she hadn't completely accepted it yet but she felt like she was doing a little better with him not being there. "So, what is it?" Rae asked trying to take her mind off Elliot and get it back on their conversation about Amanda.

"She likes you" she said simply. Rae shrugged her shoulders.

"Who doesn't?" she asked jokingly.

"I'm serious Araeyah. She has a thing for you". Olivia really didn't like that Amanda was bold enough to flirt with her girlfriend in the squad room. It really rubbed her the wrong way.

"Come on, love. That was before she knew I was with you. Whatever "thing" she had for me is probably long gone. And anyways, it doesn't matter because I don't have a thing for her" she said confidently. "Same as I don't have a thing for Ashley or Simone and they both like me, but we're still friends".

"That makes me feel better" she said sarcastically. Rae crawled across the couch and kissed Olivia sweetly on the lips.

"How about that?" she asked before kissing her again, "Does that make you feel better?" Olivia looked up at the ceiling as if she were thinking about it. Rae sat down and pulled Olivia into her lap then brought their lips together in a smoldering kiss. "You know…we never….christened this couch" she said between kisses. She reached down and gathered the bottom of Olivia's shirt and pulled it over her head. She placed kisses on her collar bone and down her chest as she unhooked her bra and pulled it off, tossing it to the side. She leaned her head down and swirled her tongue around her nipple before taking it into her mouth and sucking. Her hands traveled down until they hit they waistline of Olivia's jeans and began to unbutton them. Olivia grabbed a fistful of Rae's hair and pulled her head back then leaned down to kiss her. Just as their lips met, Rae slipped her hand into Olivia's jeans and found her clit with her fingers. Olivia moaned into their kiss and grinded herself into Rae's hand. She whimpered in protest when she felt Rae withdraw her hand from her pants. Rae sat forward to force Olivia back on the couch and grabbed the sides of her jeans, pulling them over her hips and down her legs. She tossed them to the floor with her shirt and bra and settled down on top of a now naked Olivia. She slid her hand between their bodies and slipped her fingers into her waiting wetness, making slow circles around her bundle of nerves. Olivia moaned and arched into her touch.

"Oh god" she moaned out when she felt Rae delve two fingers deep into her. She started a slow rhythm that Olivia matched with her hips.

"How about that?" Rae whispered, "Does that make you feel better?" Olivia grabbed her by the back of the head and pulled her down, plunging her tongue into her mouth. Rae worked her fingers in and out of Olivia as she writhed beneath her, panting and moaning. She moved her kisses down her body, licking and sucking on her breasts before continuing down surrounding her clit with her mouth.

"Fuck" Olivia breathed out as she felt Rae's mouth on her. She tangled her fingers into her hair and pushed her deeper as she grinded into her face. Rae lashed with her tongue as she continued to pump her fingers in and out, smoothly adding a third finger. She latched onto her clit and sucked while thrusting in and out as fast as she could. She felt Olivia's orgasm building and brought her right to the edge before slowing down her rhythm. She placed sweet kisses on and around her clit then on her thighs and hips. Olivia hated when Rae did this to her. She hated panting and pleading for release. As good as it felt to let Rae have her way with her she hated not being in control. But Araeyah loved it and she did it every chance she got. She latched back onto to Olivia's clit and increased her pace, building her orgasm again. "Oh god. Yes baby" Olivia moaned, "Don't stop". Rae decided not to drag out her torture any longer. She brought Olivia to her peak and pushed her over, reveling in hearing her scream her name. It sounded different in their new apartment. There was a slight echo that she loved. She kissed her way up Olivia's body until she met her lips, claiming them in lust and love.

"So" she said hovering over her girlfriend, "Do you feel better now?" she asked. Olivia laughed and pulled her into another kiss.

"Not quite yet" she said. Rae looked confused but the look faded quickly when she felt Olivia's finger slip under her shirt to grip and pull it over her head. "But I know what you could do to get me there" she said seductively.

"Oh yeah?" she asked amused. Olivia nodded her head and kissed her again, rolling over so she was on top of Rae. She slipped her fingers into the waistline of Rae's sweats and touched the bare skin of her hips. She moaned into their kiss.

"I love it when you're ready for me" she said, their lips still touching. Araeyah smiled and lifted her hips into Olivia's touch, encouraging her to go on. Their kiss continued and Olivia's fingers found their way to Rae's center. Rae threw her head back and gripped onto the couch as she felt three fingers slide into her, pushing deeper and deeper with each thrust. She writhed and moaned beneath Olivia, matching her thrust for thrust.

"Mhnm, shit" Rae moaned as Olivia took one of her nipples into her mouth as she continued to thrust in and out. She continued down her body, licking and sucking and nibbling on her smooth, tanned skin. She finally settled between her legs and applied soft, soothing kisses to her center. Rae whimpered at the feeling of Olivia's mouth on her, needing, wanting her to do more. Olivia heard her lover loud and clear and surrounded Rae's clit with her mouth. She sucked gradually harder and harder and thrust faster and faster. "Oh fuck". She felt her orgasm building and knew if she relaxed a little more she'd come undone. Olivia pushed deeper and curled her fingers, finding her favorite spot inside her girlfriend. Rae arched her back and gripped tighter onto the couch, "Fuck!' she yelled as Olivia started to massage her g spot. She didn't know why but she was trying hard to keep her composure when usually she was happy to accept the release that Olivia was offering her. "Oh god" she panted, "oh my god". Olivia felt her tightening around her fingers and applied more pressure to push her over the edge. To both her and Rae's surprise it didn't happen as quickly as it normally did. Rae was still moaning and moving her hips against her hand so took that as confirmation that she was still enjoying what she was doing to her.

Rae stared up at the ceiling, trying to figure out what was wrong with her. What Olivia was doing felt good, really good, but she couldn't have an orgasm. She took deep breaths and tried to relax but it just wasn't working. The more she tried to relax, the more tense she became. Olivia was started to feel the tension in her body and could her the frustration in her moans. "Damn it" Rae groaned and hit the back of the couch in anger. Olivia stopped what she was doing and withdrew her fingers from inside Rae, moving up her body. Rae turned over on her side as Olivia came up and laid next to her. She took deep breaths to get control of her breathing and calm herself down.

"I'm sorry" she said softly. "I don't know what's wrong with me".

"There's nothing wrong with you, babe" Olivia said kissing her gently on the lips. "It happens".

"It's never happened to me…to us" she said. She felt like she owed Olivia an explanation but she didn't know what to say to explain what was going on with her. "I'm sorry baby" she said apologizing again.

"You don't need to apologize, honey" Olivia assured her, "It's my fault".

"No, love" Rae said quickly, "It's not your fault. It's me, ok". She took Olivia's face in her hands and looked into her eyes. "It's not your fault" she said again. She could tell that Olivia didn't agree with her. The gears in her mind had already started turning, trying to figure out why she couldn't satisfy her. Olivia got up from the couch and started putting her clothes on. Something was happening between her and Rae and she needed some time to herself to think about what it was. Rae sat up when she saw Olivia walking towards the door. "Where are you going?" Olivia took her jacket down and put it on before grabbing her keys from the table.

"I'm just….I'm gonna go for a walk". She opened the door and left, leaving Rae sitting alone in their new apartment. Rae sat there naked for a few more minutes going through what'd just happened in her mind. She couldn't explain to herself what had gone wrong. She got up and put her clothes on before going to the bedroom to get her phone. She sat on the bed and thought about who she could call and talk to. She wasn't going to call Maureen, Ashley was in Australia with her dad and brothers, Julia and Kensie were both working, Simone was in Florida, she definitely wasn't going to call her mother or Jimmy and she would never call Fin or John to talk about her and Olivia's sex life. That left her with absolutely no one considering that Olivia didn't even want to talk to her. She flopped back on the bed and groaned in frustration. She needed to figure out what was going on with her and fast. The last thing that she needed was another thing to bring tension between her and Olivia. Whatever was going on, they had two weeks alone together to figure it out and she was not going let this time go to waste.


	7. Chapter 7: Deja vu

Chapter 7: Déjà vu

It was an hour later and Olivia still hadn't come home from her walk. Rae tried calling her but she wouldn't answer her phone. She put her shoes and jacket on, grabbed her keys and went to the one place she was sure that Olivia might go to. She pulled into the precinct parking lot and tried to call her one more time before she got out of the car. Olivia still didn't answer so she got out and went inside. She sent her a text message asking where she was and when she was going home before putting her phone back in her pocket. She found Fin sitting at his desk and asked if Olivia had come in. He said she was around somewhere, sticking her nose in a case they'd gotten early this morning.

"I thought she was supposed to be on vacation" he said.

"Yeah, me too" Rae said. "But you know, Liv; can't keep her away from this place for too long" she said walking towards the doors to leave.

"It's only been a day" he said. She turned and gave him a knowing look.

"Tell her I was here looking for her, will ya?" she said walking backwards.

"Sure thing" he said. She took her phone out of her pocket and unlocked it then turned around and walked out of the squad room, checking her phone to see if Olivia had texted her back. She took another step and collided with someone, sending papers flying and her phone clattering to the floor.

"Shit" she said bending down to help gather up the papers. "I'm sorry. I should really pay attention to where I'm going".

"It's ok. It's my fault too. I was reading this file" she said taking responsibility for her part in the accident. Rae immediately recognized the southern accent and looked up to meet familiar blue eyes. Their hands brushed against each other and they both felt an undeniable jolt between them. Rae quickly handed her the papers to return to the folder and stood up. Something about this felt eerily familiar to her, like déjà vu. Then it came to her. This was how she and Olivia met. Amanda stood up and caught her gaze again. It wasn't purposeful. She and Rae were the same height so whenever they stood face to face, they looked into each other's eyes. Rae cleared her throat and looked away, searching for her phone. She spotted it a few steps away and went to pick it up then returned to where Amanda was standing.

"So how are you?" she asked breaking the awkward silence.

"I…I'm good" Amanda answered. She was thinking about what Munch had told her about staying away from Araeyah and she didn't want to cause any problems with Olivia. But she didn't want to be rude either. "How are you?" she asked back.

"I'm good too" Rae said nicely. Amanda nodded and smiled. Rae could sense that something was different between them from the first time they'd met. She thought it might have something to do with Amanda now knowing that she was Olivia's girlfriend. Whatever it was, she seemed like she couldn't wait to get away from her. "So, umm" she said, trying to start a conversation.

"I, uh, I should really get back to work" Amanda said cutting her off before she could finish her sentence.

"Right, of course" she said in an understanding tone. "It was good to see you again" she said with a nice smile.

"Yeah, you too". Amanda turned to walk back into the squad room and almost ran into Olivia, who was walking out. "Excuse me" she said slipping past her and going to her desk.

"What are you doing here?" she said looking at her girlfriend.

"I could ask you the same thing" Rae said.

"I work here". Rae shook her head.

"Not for the next two weeks you don't" she said folding her arms over her chest. "Why are you ignoring my phone calls?" she asked.

"I was about to come home and talk to you in person. I guess you found who you were looking for" she said glancing over her shoulder to look at Amanda. Rae rolled her eyes.

"Yep. I sure did" she said before turning and walking towards the elevators. She didn't look to see if Olivia was following her. Truthfully, she didn't care. She could feel another bout of Olivia's ridiculous jealousy coming, same as she had about Ashley when they first started dating. She wasn't going to be as patient with her this time around. She thought they'd been together long enough for Olivia to know that she would never lie to her or cheat on her or do anything to make her unhappy. But when Olivia was jealous all her common sense went out the window and her mind came up with crazy things. Olivia stood there for a moment thinking about what Araeyah meant when she said she found who she was looking for. She didn't know if she meant her or Amanda but if she did mean Amanda, it wouldn't surprise her. Their relationship was different since Rae and Amanda met each other and Olivia was sure there was something going on between them. She didn't know what she'd do if she lost Rae and to someone she worked with no less. She walked over just in time to catch the elevator down with her girlfriend. They walked out of the precinct and to Rae's car, making the drive home in complete silence.

When they got home, Rae went right to the bedroom and slammed the door. Olivia took off her jacket and hung it up, set her keys on the table by the door and followed Rae to the bedroom. She tried to open the door but it was locked. She knocked on the door and got no response. She knocked again but still nothing came from inside the bedroom.

"Rae, come on" she said through the door, "open up". Rae sat on the bed staring at the closed door. She was so upset with Olivia right now she couldn't see straight. Her yelling through the door for her to let her in made it hard for her to think straight. "Araeyah" Olivia called through the door, "please open the door". She continued to sit on the bed thinking about whether she wanted to let Olivia in or not. She was tired of her insinuating that anything was going on with her and Amanda. She was tired of her not trusting her. And to make matters worse, she wasn't able to have an orgasm when they were making love. Just one more thing to make Olivia question her place in their relationship. Olivia knocked on the door again, "Araeyah, you have to let me in. We need to talk about this". Rae slowly got up from the bed and went over to the door. She hesitated for a moment before turning the lock and going back to sit on the bed. Olivia heard the lock click and opened the door. She walked over and sat next to Rae on the bed. She tried to take her hand but Rae pulled away. "I'm sorry" she said softly. "It made me self-conscious when you didn't…" she paused thinking about whether she should bring it up or not. She was sure that Rae already felt bad enough without her making her feel worse by adding her own feelings to the equation. "I made it about me and I shouldn't have done that".

"It's not about you" Rae said, "It just happened but…"

"More like didn't happen" Olivia said. The words left her mouth without any thought and it was too late for her to get them back. "I…shit….babe I'm sorry. I…I'm just…I'll shut up" she said mentally kicking herself for not thinking before opening her mouth.

"I didn't go to the precinct for Amanda" she said moving on from Olivia's slip.

"I know that. I…."

"I thought you were gonna shut up" Rae said annoyed by Olivia's interruptions.

"I…" she started to talk but then decided against it. She closed her mouth and nodded her head. She turned to face Rae and sat quietly, waiting for her to continue.

"I didn't go looking for her. And I don't appreciate you implying that I did. I went looking for you. I feel….terrible about what happened. I just couldn't…I just couldn't" she said leaving it at that. "I don't know why. I wanted to but I couldn't. I'm sorry that it made you feel self-conscious. I promise it wasn't your fault. It was me" she said sadly. She thought for a moment about their trip and how things were going between them right now. She didn't know if two weeks away together would help or hurt their relationship. She just knew that she wanted what was best for them. The only problem was she didn't know what that was. "I think maybe you should, um, just go on the trip on your own" Rae said quietly, almost as if she was unsure. Olivia head snapped up to look at her.

"What? Why?" she asked. She couldn't believe that Rae didn't want to go with her.

"I just think that…we're…we're having some problems right now and I don't wanna ruin it for you. I want to go and have a good time and…"

"The only way you could ruin it for me is if you don't go" Olivia said taking Rae's hands in her own.

"What if it happens again?" she asked. "What if we're making love and I can't…."

"I don't care about that" she said cutting her off. "I don't care if we don't make love the entire two weeks. I want you with me". There was nothing but confidence in her tone. There was no way she going to go on this trip alone. "I want to go on my dream vacation with the woman I love. If I can't have that then I don't want to go". She looked in Rae's eyes and could see that she was unsure. She tried to think of anything to say to make her agree to going on this trip with her. "I won't even mention Rollins or anything about work. I won't even think about it. We'll do everything you want to do, whatever you want baby. I promise it'll be…." Rae took Olivia's face in her hands and brought their lips together. Olivia relaxed into her, bringing her hands to rest on her hips. She gently brushed against her lips with her tongue, gaining entry when Rae parted her lips. Their kiss was soft and sweet and so full of love. Any doubt Rae had about whether they needed to take this trip together went away. She ended their kiss and rested her forehead against Olivia's.

"Ok" she said softly. "We'll go together". Olivia let out a relieved breath and pulled Rae into her, wrapping her arms around waist and holding her tight.

They decided to table any serious discussions about what was happening between them until they returned from their vacation. They spent the rest of the day in their apartment, trying to work through the awkwardness between them. They were both glad when it was time to call it a night. They laid down, staying on their own sides of the bed, and went to sleep. The next day, Araeyah went to meet her mother and Jimmy to spend her last day before they flew out with them. They went to brunch and then a movie. After the movie, they went shopping. Soraya bought things for Rae's trip that she said she would need even though they both knew she didn't and Rae bought a gift for Olivia that she knew she'd been dying to have. Finally, they went to dinner and Rae pretended that everything was fine between her and Olivia and that she was excited for their trip. Her mother was very vocal about her disapproval of how much money Rae was spending on this trip for Olivia. As usual, Rae ignored her and did what she wanted. At seven in the evening, she said her goodbyes to both of them and made her way home. Olivia wasn't there, which she was inwardly grateful for. She did her last check of her luggage before setting her alarm and going to bed.

Her alarm went off at five thirty in the morning, waking both her and Olivia. They danced awkwardly around each other, getting ready for their trip to the airport. They didn't speak to each other at all and Rae wondered if this was how it would be the entire trip. They took a taxi to the airport, checked their bags and boarded the plane. Rae bought travel pillows and blankets for them for the plane ride. She handed a set to Olivia before settling down in her own seat and closing her eyes. Olivia took out her ipod, put in her headphones, closed her eyes and tried to relax despite the tension between the two of them. She hoped that it would dissipate enough for them to actually enjoy their time away together. She looked over and took out her headphones when she felt Rae nudge her side.

"Where'd you go last night?" she asked quietly.

"I just had a drink with the guys" she answered.

"Oh". Rae hated what was happening between them. They couldn't even have a normal conversation. Just as she was about to try to keep their conversation going, Olivia put her headphones back in and closed her eyes. She turned and stared out the window, watching the landscaped change as the plane took off and ascended into the air. She was regretting her decision now to agree to come on this trip with Olivia. Maybe it would have been better for Olivia to take the trip on her own and give them some time apart. But it was too late for her to change her mind now. She was scared about would happen if things didn't get better between them. Was she naïve to think that a relationship she'd started at eighteen with a woman twice her age would last for the rest of her life? She didn't know but she had a feeling it wouldn't be long before life gave her an answer.


	8. Chapter 8: Destination Vacation

Chapter 8: Destination Vacation

Rae slept for the first half of the flight. When she couldn't sleep anymore, she pulled her laptop from her carry-on bag and put in her headphones to watch movies online. Olivia turned her music off, put her ipod away and decided she'd sleep for the second half of the flight. Rae had paid for a direct flight which she was starting to regret. She wanted to get off the plane and walk around. More than that she wanted to get away from Olivia. She couldn't stand being next to her and not talk to her or lean on her or hold her hand. The rest of flight couldn't go by fast enough. Finally, after a long seventeen and a half hours, she heard the announcement to put up their trays and prepare for landing. She woke Olivia so she could start getting herself ready to get off the plane. Everything went smoothly at the airport and they were on their way to the resort. Araeyah hadn't told Olivia anything about where they'd be staying. She wanted it to be a surprise. They had the most amazing suite at one of the most popular resorts in Dubai. It overlooked the Arabian sea and had everything from a spa to scuba diving to water parks. Olivia kept asking Rae questions about where they were going and what they'd be doing but she just ignored her. They walked out of the airport to the pick-up area and Rae spotted their car.

"Come on" she said over her shoulder. Olivia started to follow her but stopped dead in her tracks when she saw the car Rae walked over to. It was a beautiful silver Rolls Royce with a man in a black suit who was there to chauffeur them. Rae looked back and saw Olivia standing there staring. "Olivia" she said pulling her out of her trance, "come on". She swallowed hard and walked over to the car, leaving her luggage for their driver to load in the trunk, and slid into the back seat next to Rae.

"How much is…"

"Don't worry about it" Rae said stopping her from asking her about money. "Just enjoy it, ok?" she reached over and took her hand, bringing it to her lips and lightly kissing her fingers. Olivia smiled and leaned over to lay her head on her shoulder. Their driver got in the car and started the drive to their hotel. They both took in the scenery on the drive. Everything was beautiful, full of life and vibrantly colored. Rae looked over at Olivia and smiled at the look of awe on her face. Her eyes got bigger when they pulled up outside the hotel. It was like she was in a dream as she got out of the car and looked out at the sea. Rae went over and stood next to her and shared the moment. It was so peaceful. The wind blew through their hair, the smell of sea water filled their nostrils, and the sound of people's laughter filled their ears. Their butler came and told them their luggage was waiting for them inside. Rae took Olivia's hand and pulled her towards the entrance so they could check into their room and get settled in. When the butler tried to help them up with their bags, Olivia told him they'd be ok. He advised them that his number was in their room and to page him if they needed anything. Rae thanked him and they went upstairs. She swiped the key to their room and opened the door, stepping to the side so Olivia could go in before her. She pulled their luggage cart in behind them and shut the door. Olivia explored the room while Rae unloaded the cart and left it outside to be picked up later. She'd booked them a panoramic one bedroom suite which overlooked the city of Dubai and had an amazing view of the Arabian Gulf. The upper level housed the master bedroom and bathroom. The bedroom had floor to ceiling windows with a king sized bed overlooking the sea. The bathroom had hers and hers sinks, a five head rain shower and a full sized private Jacuzzi. The lower level housed a living room, also with floor to ceiling windows looking out over the sea, a private bar, a guest bathroom, and a small office space. Olivia no longer wanted to know how much Rae had spent on all of this. She was sure how ever much it was, the total would make her faint. They were a little jet lagged so they decided they'd take a nap. Rae set an alarm and pushed the button to draw the curtains on their windows before climbing into bed next to her girlfriend. She'd been laying there with her eyes closed for about ten minutes but wasn't falling asleep. She could feel Olivia staring at her but didn't want to open her eyes.

"Araeyah" Olivia whispered. She slowly opened her eyes and looked into Olivia's. The light of the midday sun filtered slightly through their light blue curtains allowing them to see one another. "This…all of this…it's way too much".

"No, it's not" she whispered back. "Nothing will ever be too much for you". She moved closer and kissed her softly then laid her head on her chest. They drifted off to sleep wrapped up in each other's arms. It was the most normal they'd been with each other in three days. Rae's alarm woke her at five thirty. She opened the curtain and shook Olivia to wake her. "Come on, love. You have to get up" she said shaking her again.

"Why?" she asked, her voice heavy with sleep.

"Because I have plans for us" she said kissing her on the forehead, then the cheek and finally the lips. Olivia opened her eyes and looked up at her younger girlfriend, wondering what she was up to. "Don't even ask because I'm not gonna tell you. Just get up" she said before rolling off the bed. She brought their luggage into the bedroom so they could unpack. She took a box wrapped in blue wrapping paper out of her suitcase and placed it in front of Olivia on the bed. She went on unpacking like she hadn't just sat a gift in front of her to open.

"What's this?" Olivia asked, picking up the box and shaking it.

"Don't do that" Rae said afraid she might break something. "Just open it". She stopped unpacking and went over to stand next to Olivia while she opened her present. She ripped off the paper to see a plain brown box, giving her no hints at what was inside. Rae laughed when she saw a frown cross Olivia's face. "Keep going" she said prompting her to continue opening the gift. Olivia opened the box to find the digital camera she'd been talking about for weeks. She wanted to buy it especially for this trip but decided that it was just too expensive.

"Araeyah" she said, shaking her head in disbelief.

"Shut up" Rae said knowing that Olivia was going to say that the camera was too expensive and she shouldn't have bought it. She wasn't going to give her the chance to even suggest that she return it. "It's what you wanted. It's yours". Olivia leaned down and kissed her on the lips. She wanted to make love to her right then but she was afraid so she held back.

"Thank you" she whispered before kissing her again. Olivia checked out her new camera for a minute while Rae went back to unpacking. Once they'd put everything away they went into the bathroom to shower. Olivia watched as Rae stripped out of her clothes and shook her hair loose from her ponytail before stepping into the shower and turning on the water. She took her own clothes off and walked up behind her, pressing their bodies together. She wrapped her arms around her waist and held her for a minute before grabbing her hips and pulling her back against her. Her hands traveled up, palming and squeezing her breasts as her mouth landed on her neck and lightly nipped at her soft skin. Araeyah's breathing was heavy and her hands were shaking. The water cascaded down over them, beating away the built up tension, both in their bodies and between them. Rae covered Olivia's hands with own, taking one and leading down between her legs. Olivia slipped her fingers into wetness and circled her clit. Rae moaned and let her head fall back against Olivia. She continued the movement of her fingers with varying pressure and speed. As Rae got closer and closer to orgasm, she became more and more nervous. She couldn't stop herself from thinking about the last time they were making love and, no matter how badly she wanted it, her orgasm just wouldn't happen. Olivia felt her body start to tense against her, the same as she felt last time. She didn't know what to do to help her relax. She moved her hand from between Rae's legs and turned her around to face her. Rae opened her mouth to apologize but Olivia silenced her with a kiss.

"It's ok" she said softly. She didn't want to make Rae feel any worse than she was sure she already did. They finished showering and got dressed, leaving their room at six forty five. They went downstairs to the hotel restaurant where Rae had made a reservation for them. There was a table for two, with candles and wine she'd picked out beforehand, set in front of a large aquarium. They sat down and started to go over the menu. Olivia commented on how glad she was that English was as popular a language here as Arabic. Rae agreed, seeing as how she wasn't fluent in the language. They ordered and ate in relative silence until Rae brought up the subject of her taking summer classes again. She really felt like she needed something to occupy her time for the rest of the summer. She couldn't just sit at home all day waiting for Olivia to come home from work. It would be pointless for her to find a job this late in summer so the most logical thing was for her to pick up some classes. After some convincing, Olivia agreed that her taking a few classes wasn't such a bad idea. They filled the rest of dinner with small talk and dancing to the soft music playing in the restaurant. They finally admitted that they were both extremely tired and went back to their room to retire for the evening.

The next few days were filled with sightseeing. Rae had all their destinations already planned out for them. Olivia didn't have to do a thing except snap a million pictures with the amazing camera Rae bought her. They had breakfast delivered to them every morning, compliments of room service and they'd been in the Jacuzzi almost every night. They visited the Dubai marina and took a sailing lesson, the Arabian Ranches for a horseback riding lesson, the sports center where they opted to watch instead of play, and number of shops and restaurants. They went swimming in all five of the hotels pools, visited the waterpark, went scuba diving, and even invited some other hotel guests to their private bar a couple of nights. They laid out on the beach, where Rae made sure to use a ton of sunscreen. "Contrary to popular belief, people of color get sunburned too" she said. One day, they decided to just lounge in the living area, ordering room service and watching tv. Rae spent some time in the office alone to pick classes for the summer and put finishing touches on her schedule for the fall. Despite their problems, they were having an amazing time together. The only thing that was missing was them making love. They tried to have sex only once since the first night in the shower. It went well for Olivia, but not so much for Rae. Olivia didn't want to put too much pressure on Rae and Rae didn't want to disappoint Olivia anymore so they stopped trying. Neither one of them wanted to deal with the inevitable tension between them if Rae's problems with having an orgasm continued. So far they hadn't argued at all. They both hoped it would stay that way once they returned home. On the morning of their last day in Dubai, Rae woke Olivia at eight fifteen.

"Where are you going?" she asked sleepily.

"There's a yoga class in the fitness center so I'm gonna go to that" she answered. "It's only eight fifteen now so you can sleep a little longer but I set your alarm for eleven. You can't snooze, otherwise you'll be late" she said smoothing back her hair.

"Late for what?" she asked with a yawn.

"Our spa day" she whispered. Olivia looked at her with such love in her eyes that her heart could just burst. Sometimes she didn't know what to do with all the love that Olivia had for her. Sometimes she didn't know what to do with all the love she had for Olivia. She leaned in and kissed her softly on the lips before pulling away and looking in her eyes again. "Go back to sleep. Our session starts at eleven thirty, ok?" Olivia silently nodded her head. Rae went to get up from kneeling beside the bed but Olivia grabbed her arm and pulled her back down to kiss her.

"I love you" she whispered. Rae smiled and kissed her again.

"I love you too". She left and went to her yoga class and then went to breakfast in the hotel restaurant before meeting Olivia at the spa at eleven thirty. They had a nice, relaxing spa treatment that included massages, mud baths, manicures, pedicures and facials. They spent the afternoon on the beach and then had one last dinner in the restaurant. After dinner they went back at to the beach and laid on a blanket under the stars. They enjoyed the nice cool breeze, and the silence of the evening. Nothing but the soothing sound of the tide coming and going from the shore. It was the perfect way to end their stay in Dubai.

They woke early the next morning and had breakfast delivered to their room. They packed up all of their things and called their butler for the first time since they'd been there to take their luggage downstairs. They said their last goodbyes to their amazing suite and went to check out. Their butler seemed surprised by the handsome tip that they'd left him seeing as how they hadn't even used his services. He tried to argue but Rae ignored his protests. She thanked him and got in the car to head to the airport, stopping on the way to get souvenirs for everyone. Their flight to Italy went smoother than their flight to India. They actually talked to each other this time. Rae informed Olivia that this stop was all her. She got to choose everything they'd be doing. Rae gave her the address of where they'd be staying and she immediately got on her computer and started planning their week's stay in Florence. Once again, their living accommodations did not disappoint and again Olivia thought it was too much. Rae ignored her and told her to get on with the festivities. Olivia had made of list of all the things she wanted to do and only hoped they'd have time to do them all.

They visited cathedrals and museums, walked along the river and watched the rowboats pass by. They walked the Viale G. Poggi pathway, stopping at sights along the way. When they reached the top, they could see all of Florence. They went out in the early morning to walk the Ponte Vecchio at sunrise and then visited its small shops. They climbed the bell tower and took pictures at the top then went to the Mercato Centrale food market where they bought tricolor pasta and different sauces and spices for Olivia to try out. They chose one night to stay in and Olivia cooked dinner for them. She went behind Rae's back and bought candles, wine, and different kinds of gelato for her to try. She said they weren't leaving Italy until she gave it a shot and of course she thought it was delicious. It was a very romantic night that ended with Rae making love to Olivia for hours. As much as she wanted to reciprocate, she could tell that Araeyah didn't want her to try. She would just have to accept that it might not happen for a while. She just hoped it wouldn't be a long while.

They continued on with the list Olivia made, checking things off as they went along. They picnicked, visited gardens, bought special chocolate, and tried about twenty different kinds of coffee. They went to artesian shops and boutiques and stopped in every food shop that they passed by. There were so many different restaurants to choose from and Olivia wanted to try them all. Rae commented about how she better stop taking them to restaurants. "I won't be able to fit any of my clothes by the time we leave" she said only kind of joking. Olivia joked that she could fly home in the hotel bathrobe.

"That'll fit you" she said laughing. Rae playfully slapped her on the shoulder. She didn't think it was very funny.

"Such a jerk" she said as Olivia smothered her in hugs and kisses and fake apologies. They walked hand in hand all over the city, wanting to experience every bit of what Florence had to offer. On their last day, they slept in late and ordered breakfast from room service. Neither one of them wanted to talk about leaving. These last two weeks had been amazing for them. They hadn't argued about anything the entire time. Not Olivia's work or Rae's school or Elliot or Amanda; nothing. They didn't know how that would change once they got home. They both hoped that it wouldn't. They packed in silence and said goodbye to another beautiful suite before going to check out. Again, they stopped at a shop on the way to the airport to get souvenirs for everyone. They arrived at the airport an hour and a half before their flight time to giving them enough time to go through all the check points before boarding their flight. They slept most of the way back, no anger or tension between them. Nine hours later they were back on American soil.


	9. Chapter 9: So, you don't trust me?

Chapter 9: So, you don't trust me?

They arrived back home in the early evening and didn't have the energy to much of anything. They ordered take out for dinner, showered and went to bed. The time change was really taking a toll on Rae for some reason. She was much more tired than Olivia was and decided to stay in bed for half the day. When she finally woke up, it was nearing four o'clock in the afternoon and Olivia had made a late lunch for her. She ate and drank three glasses of water then promptly bolted to the bathroom to vomit. Olivia was right there with her, holding her hair and rubbing her back. She didn't know what was going on. She figured she'd just eaten something bad on the plane ride home. She brushed her teeth and went to lay back down in bed, getting her laptop so she could work on things from class. Olivia said she should try to rest but she was already behind in her classes because of their trip. Olivia made her some tea and brought her some saltines to help settle her stomach. She sipped it slowly and nibbled on the crackers but as soon it hit her stomach she was bolting to the bathroom again. Olivia tried to give her some water but she refused to drink it. She didn't think she'd be able to keep it down. She got as much done on her schoolwork as she could before putting her laptop away and laying down to rest. Olivia got a cool towel for her head and laid down with her. She smoothed her hair and softly scratched her back the way she liked.

"Maybe I should call the doctor and make an appointment for you" Olivia whispered. Rae groaned and shook her head no.

"It's fine. I probably just ate something bad on the plane. I'll be fine. I just need to sleep it off" she said. She hated going to the doctor which Olivia thought was ironic seeing as how that's what she wanted to be.

"Are you sure?" she asked. She was worried that Rae had caught something on their trip and she wanted to make sure it wasn't anything serious. Rae nodded her head and burrowed further into the bed, pulling the covers up higher over her. She was shivering so much her teeth were shattering. "Aw babe" Olivia whispered as she moved closer to her and wrapped her up in her arms. She relaxed into her, feeling her body heat add to her own. Ten minutes later, she was fast asleep. Liv hated seeing her girlfriend so miserable. She hoped that this sickness would pass soon and Rae would be feeling better in the morning. She reached over and grabbed her book from the nightstand drawer to lay in bed and read while Araeyah slept. She didn't want to go anywhere in case she woke up and needed something but she ended up sleeping the entire evening. At ten o'clock, Olivia decided she'd just go to sleep as well. She put her book on the night stand and tried to ease herself from under Rae, who was laying with her head on her shoulder. Rae felt her moving away and snuggled into her more, not wanting to lose the heat her body was generating. Olivia laughed softly to herself and decided to stay put. She reached over and turned off the lamp then settled down to go to sleep.

Rae woke up early the next morning, having practically slept the entire day the day before. She slipped out of bed, careful not to wake Olivia, and went to shower and brush her teeth. She washed up and washed her hair and then stood in the shower, letting the heat accumulate. It wasn't long before she started to feel light headed. She reached to turn off the water and open the shower door but she didn't do it fast enough. Before she could stop herself, she hit the floor. Olivia shot up in bed when she heard a thud and then the sound of things clattering to the floor coming from the bathroom. She threw back the covers and rushed in to see if Rae was alright and found her trying to get up from the shower floor. She grabbed her towel and hurried over to help.

"Baby, are you alright?" she asked worriedly. She wrapped her in the towel and picked her up, carrying her to the bed room. She sat her down on the bed and then went grab another towel for her hair. She was shivering again and she thought wrapping her head in the towel might help her retain some heat. "What happened?" she asked kneeling on the floor in front of her. She pat her skin dry then pulled a big sweater over her head to get her warm.

"I was just….the shower got too…steamy. I got lightheaded and I couldn't…" she trailed off not able to find her words. She was so embarrassed that she'd just fainted in the shower. She cleared her throat and rubbed her forehead. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you" she said softly.

"Oh, babe. I don't care about that" she said quickly. She had scared her half to death. Rae chewed on the inside of her cheek, not sure what to say next. She decided not to say anything and just tried to get up from the bed. "What are you doing?" Olivia said putting her hands on her shoulders to keep her seated.

"I need to go dry my hair" she said nonchalantly. Olivia stood up and shook her head.

"No, I'll do it for you" she said before turning and walking to the bathroom. Rae laughed at the idea of Olivia trying to do her hair.

"I can do my own hair, Liv".

"Not right now, you can't. I can blow dry it for you. You can do whatever else it is you do your hair to make it so soft and shiny when you're feeling better" she said walking back in from the bathroom with the blow dryer and Rae's hair brush in her hands. Rae knew that arguing with her was pointless so she sat there giving her silent approval. Olivia went out to the living room and came back with a chair for her to sit in. She wrapped herself in their comforter and sat down. She looked at Olivia over her shoulder and gave a stern look.

"Be gentle" she warned her. Olivia laughed.

"I will". She started the blow dryer on medium heat and held it over Rae's hair as she went through it with a brush. It was surprisingly harder to brush through than she remembered from before. Of course, Rae only let her brush her hair after she'd already dried and straightened it. Now she knew why. She hit a knot in her hair and Rae's hand immediately came up to her head.

"Ow" she whined. "Gentle" she reminded her.

"I'm sorry" Olivia said stifling a laugh. She continued brushing and drying, being as gentle as she could but Rae's hair seemed like it had a million knots in it. A moment later, she hit another knot and Rae's hands came back up to her head.

"Ouch, Olivia" she whined again. "Give me the brush" she said angrily yanking it from her hands.

"I'm sorry" she said again, this time not doing such a good at holding back her laugh.

"It's not funny. That fucking hurts" Rae said obviously not finding it amusing. Olivia immediately stopped laughing, hearing how serious Rae was. She gave a more sincere apology and waited for her to finish with the brush. Rae raked the brush through her hair, carefully working through the knots and tangles. It took five minutes for her to work through them all before she was ready for Olivia to finish drying for her. Once her hair was completely dried, Olivia put the blow dryer and brush away and returned the chair to the dining room table. Rae put her towels in the laundry basket and climbed back into bed. She pulled her laptop from her bag and started it up to see what work she needed to get done and start a schedule for herself to stay on track. Olivia came over and sat on the bed in front of her.

"Honey, are you sure you should be doing that right now?" she asked.

"Yes" she said checking her class schedules online. "I'm already three days behind. These aren't like regular semester classes. They're condensed; accelerated. Getting even just a few days behind can kill my grades. I have to catch up". She reached down and took her notebook and planner from her bag. She found a clean sheet of paper and started to make a list of all the work she needed to complete to get back on track.

"But you're sick. I'm sure if you emailed your professors they'd understand. Maybe they'll give you an extension". She really wanted Rae to take it easy. She been throwing up all day yesterday and now she'd fainted. She needed to slow down.

"I feel a lot better today" she said. She looked up at Olivia who looked completely unconvinced. "I do".

"Babe, you just fainted in the shower" she pointed out.

"Yeah but that was my fault. I just let it get too hot in there that's all. It wasn't because of my being sick" she said explaining her fainting episode.

"Well, I think you should call the doctor and set up an appointment" she said bringing up a doctor's visit for the second time. Rae sighed and shook her head.

"I don't need a doctor. I'm fine" she insisted. Olivia was getting really frustrated with her. She couldn't help worrying that this could be something serious and if it was she wanted to know about it sooner rather than later. But she also knew how stubborn Rae could be and she was sure that she wouldn't agree to go to the doctor unless things got a lot worse for her. She hoped that she was wrong and that Rae was right, and her sickness had already passed.

"Fine" she said giving up on convincing her. "Are you hungry? Do you want some breakfast?" she asked. She was sure that Rae must be starving since she'd hardly eaten anything the day before. If she was fine and healthy again then her appetite should have returned.

"No, I'm ok" she answered. She went back to making her list and starting on her schedule.

"How about some tea? I can make you tea" she offered.

"Olivia, I'm fine" Rae said obviously annoyed by her attempts to take care of her. "I appreciate you taking care of me yesterday and everything, but I feel fine now. I don't you to baby me".

"I wasn't trying to baby you. I was just tr…." She stopped herself midsentence feeling an argument coming on. She really wasn't in the mood to argue. "Never mind" she said softly. She turned and left the bedroom, going to the kitchen to get herself something for breakfast. Rae didn't want to think that the tension was building back up between them but it seemed like it was. Suddenly, she couldn't wait for Olivia to go back to work the next day. She took a deep breath and put her focus on getting caught up with her classes. She knocked out all the work that she needed to get caught up and then started working on getting ahead of the curve so she wouldn't feel like she was one assignment from being behind again.

An hour later the doorbell rang and Olivia went to answer it. She was surprised to see that it was Scott at their door. He told her that Rae had called and she needed his help with something. She let him in and led him to the bedroom where Rae was still doing homework. Olivia asked her again if she needed anything and Rae said again that she was fine. She stood in the doorway for a moment before going back to the living room, leaving them to work on whatever it was they were working on. An hour and a half later, Scott left and Rae continued working on things for school. She had completely lost track of time until Olivia walked into the bedroom with a tray of food for her for lunch. She looked at the clock on the night stand and saw it was two o'clock in the afternoon. Olivia sat the tray down, went back out to the living room and turned on the tv. She'd made her a grilled cheese, tomato soup and a cup of tea. Rae felt like a complete asshole. Here Olivia was trying to take care of her and make her more comfortable and she was either biting her head off or ignoring her. She closed her laptop and got up from the bed, grabbed the tray and walked out to the living room. She sat the tray on the table and sat down on the couch next to her girlfriend. She picked up half of her sandwich and offered it to Olivia. She smiled and took it from her. They ate and watched tv in silence, just spending their last bit of quality time together before Olivia had to go back to work and Rae went to back to class.

At five o'clock, they left the apartment to go to the store to buy small bags and ribbon to wrap all the gifts they'd bought for everyone on their trip. They got home and went to the bedroom, split the gifts evenly between them and started to put them in bags and tie them with ribbon. They were all done by seven and Rae wanted to order thai for dinner. Olivia counted all the bags to make sure they had them all and kept counting one more than she thought they should have. Rae came back in the bedroom after ordering their food and saw Olivia staring at the bags.

"What is it?" she asked going over to the closet to pick out her clothes for the next day.

"We have one too many bags" she said. "How do we have one too many bags?" she asked confused. She counted again and sure enough there was one extra bag. Rae walked back over and counted for herself.

"No, we have the right amount" she said not sure where Olivia was counting an extra. Olivia scratched her head and decided to just check the name tag. _"Duh"_ she thought to herself. She flipped open the name label and saw Amanda written in Rae's handwriting. She rolled her eyes and started to gather the bags and put them in the bigger bag to carry them in to work with her.

"What?" Rae asked. She saw that the bag Olivia had just looked at was the one for Amanda and she wanted to know what she was thinking.

"Nothing" she said packing the last of the gift bags.

"No, not nothing" Rae said not letting her off the hook. Olivia looked at Rae who was waiting for a response.

"I didn't know we were getting Rollins anything that's all" she said not wanting to make a big deal of it.

"Why wouldn't we get her anything?" she asked folding her arms over her chest. She was interested to hear what reasons Olivia would have for them not getting a gift for Amanda.

"I just…" Olivia paused and cleared her throat, "I don't want to fight" she said softly. She took the bag and sat it by the dresser before going to pick out her clothes for work.

"We're not fighting. We're talking" she said following Olivia back to the closet to finish picking out her clothes. "Why wouldn't we get a gift for Amanda?"

"Because she's not, you know, in our circle" Olivia said, giving the first thought that came into her mind.

"Oh, ok. Umm, did we get something for Nick?" she asked hoping that Olivia would get the point she was making.

"Of course we did" she said without having to think about.

"Of course we did" Rae said mockingly. "So, umm, Nick…he's in our circle but Amanda's not. How does that work out?"

"Because he's my partner" Olivia said as if it the reason were obvious. Rae mouth fell open at that last statement.

"Oh, he's your partner now?" she asked in a surprised tone. "What happened to the "I'm just showing him the ropes" line you were giving to everyone who dared to ask if he was your new partner?" she said. She knew Olivia got her point but she wanted to keep this going to see how long Olivia would continue to make excuses instead admitting the real reason she didn't want Amanda to get a gift from them; more specifically from Rae.

"Well, I changed my mind" she said wanting Rae just drop it. She left the closet and went back to the bedroom. She traded her jeans for sweat pants and changed into a t shirt. She was putting her clothes in the laundry basket when the doorbell rang. She started to go answer it when Rae walked past her with her wallet.

"I got it" she said with an annoyed tone of voice. She paid for their dinner, tipped the delivery guy and then shut and locked the door. She sat the food on the table before heading back to the bedroom to continue her talk with Olivia. "So what made you change your mind?" she asked.

"What?" Olivia asked, not understanding what she was talking about.

"You said you changed your mind about Nick being your partner. What changed your mind?"

"You know, we…we've worked some tough cases together so far. Not to mention, he…really had my back during that….hostage situation" she said softly knowing that Rae didn't like to think about those things. "He's…he's earned my respect".

"And Amanda hasn't? What is it? Is she not as good a cop as Nick is?" Rae asked.

"No, that's not it". Olivia knew what Rae was trying to get her to say. She was fighting hard not to, knowing that it would turn their talk into a fight.

"Well, then what is it, Olivia? I mean you seriously thought that we would get _everyone_ a gift, and not her?" Olivia stood next to the dresser and looked down at the floor. "Wow, that's…really subtle, Liv".

"What's that supposed to mean?" she asked.

"It means that you couldn't be more obvious about the fact that you don't like her if you tried" Rae said raising her voice slightly.

"Well, I'm sorry if I have a problem with people who flirt with my girlfriend" she said finally stating the real reason she didn't want Rollins to get a gift.

"Finally, some honesty. Not some bullshit about "circles" and nonexistent partnerships" she said walking out of the bedroom to the dining room table.

"That wasn't bullshit. Nick is my partner" Olivia said offended.

"But that's not the reason you got him a gift and not Amanda" she said. "I don't understand why you're so offended by the fact that she flirted with me. I mean, I'd think you'd be flattered that she thinks you have an attractive girlfriend but no, you have to take everything personal" she said angrily putting food on her plate.

"Maybe because it is personal. The fact that she thinks it's okay to flirt with you in front of everyone is personal. It was a slap in my face" Olivia said taking a box of food from Rae and putting some on her plate.

"Olivia, it was the first time we'd met. She didn't know that I was your girlfriend. And you know what, it doesn't matter if she did. You should trust me enough to know that it wouldn't go anywhere" she said finally sitting down to eat. Olivia stopped her movements and then slowly the box down on the table. She ran her hands through her hair and took a deep, calming breath before sitting down. She was giving Rae all kinds of nonverbal cues about what she was thinking. "Then that's it" she said. "You don't trust me not to cheat on you with her" she said softly. "So….you don't trust me?"

"You were flirting with her" Olivia said jealously. "When I walked into the squad room, you were flirting with her".

"People flirt with me, Olivia; all the time. Maybe I'm fun to flirt with. And, you know, sometimes….I flirt back. I'm a flirt. You know that about me" she said angrily.

"That doesn't mean I have to like it" she shot back. Araeyah opened and closed her mouth a few times, not sure how to respond. That was the first time she'd ever heard Olivia say she didn't like something about her.

"Well, I'm sorry that there are things about me that you don't like" she said. Her voice was calm and Olivia could tell that she was thinking a lot more than she was saying. She stared at her for a moment longer before starting to eat her dinner. They ate in silence and the tension between them was back full force. Olivia looked around their new, beautiful place and couldn't help the sadness that came over her. She thought when they moved in that they'd be happier than ever. As it turned out, they just might be heading for disaster.


	10. Chapter 10: You Meant It

Chapter 10: You Meant It

The next day, Olivia and Rae got up at the same time. They took turns showering and getting dressed. Olivia offered to make something for breakfast but Rae told her she was going to the coffee shop. Maureen had called her while Olivia was in the shower and wanted to meet her for breakfast and she'd agreed. Olivia paused for a moment hearing that Rae was meeting Maureen for breakfast. She thought they'd stopped talking after Elliot retired and they moved away. Rae explained that Maureen was thinking about transferring back to a school in the city so she was there doing visits. She was going to meet with her for breakfast and then go with her to see some schools when she was done with class. Olivia was starting to get on her nerves asking questions about how long she'd be in the city, who was with her, where they'd moved to.

"I don't know, Olivia" she said annoyed. "I didn't ask". She knew she was only asking because she wanted to get an idea of what Elliot was up to. "I have to go. I'll see you later". Even though she was still mad at her from the night before she kissed her and told her she loved her before grabbing her bag and heading out the door. Olivia made herself some eggs and toast and ate quickly. She made herself a cup of coffee to take with her, grabbed the bag of gifts and her files and headed out the door to work. When she got to work, everyone bombarded her with questions about how their vacation went, what all they saw, what places they went to, and when they'd see pictures. Olivia said she'd bring in her camera the next day and they could go through all the pictures to their hearts' content.

"Are those presents in those bags, by chance?" Munch asked eyeing the bag containing all of the smaller gift bags that Olivia had sat on her desk.

"Why, yes they are John" she said opening the bag and looking at the name tags. She found the one with his name on it and handed it to him. She did the same for Fin, Nick and Capt Cragen. She thought for a minute about whether she wanted to give Rollins her gift or not before finally taking the bag and putting in her bottom desk drawer. Amanda sat at her desk watching everyone open the gifts that Rae and Olivia bought for them. She didn't let it show on her face but she was a little hurt that they hadn't gotten anything for her. Fin noticed that his partner didn't have a bag and it didn't sit right with him. He knew that Olivia wasn't really a fan of hers since she'd flirted with Araeyah but to get everyone a gift but her was out of line. He was definitely gonna have a talk with Liv about it later. He went over to Amanda's desk and leaned down to whisper to her.

"Don't take it personal" he said softly. She smiled and shrugged her shoulders.

"I'm not" she said. She understood why Benson didn't like her to a point. She realized that she wasn't happy that she'd flirted with her girlfriend but she didn't know that Rae was her girlfriend. Now that she did, she was making a conscious effort to keep away from her and not cause any problems. She didn't understand how Olivia could still be upset with her.

"I'm gonna talk to Olivia about this". Rollins quickly shook her head from side to side.

"No, don't. Don't do that. It's really, it's not a big deal" she said quietly. Fin wasn't convinced that her feelings weren't hurt just a little.

"It'll blow over soon. She won't stay mad forever" he said giving her a pat on the shoulder before going back to his desk. They all worked quietly at their desks, hoping for a nice, quiet day. The hours passed and it was finally time for lunch. They were discussing where they wanted to eat when Rae walked through the squad room doors. Amanda caught sight of her and as hard as she tried she couldn't pull her eyes away. Rae wore a multi-shaded purple dress with pockets at the waist that stopped just above her knees with a pair of purple sandals. She pulled her hair into a low ponytail on one side and wore the locket necklace that Olivia bought her Christmas around her neck. It came down and sat perfectly between her breasts, putting pressure on the fabric and causing it to outline her bra. John saw Amanda staring and walked over and subtly kicked her chair before going over to greet Araeyah and thank her for the gifts. She said it was no problem.

"We were happy to get them" she said smiling. Amanda's staring, John's kick and now Amanda's attempts to avoid eye contact with her weren't as discreet as she was sure they were hoping they'd be. She decided to ignore it for now and get to the point of why she'd come. "Uh, where's Liv?" she asked.

"She's in the captain's office" Fin said pointing that way, "Just a little check in after her vacation" he said letting her know she wasn't in any trouble.

"Ok" she said, "Well, ummm, can you tell her I'm downstairs waiting for her in the car?" she asked nicely as she backed away towards the door.

"Of course" Nick said.

"Thank you. I'll see y'all later". She turned and headed out of the squad room to the elevators. Fin decided to follow her and talk to her about the gifts.

"Hey, Araeyah, wait up" he said calling after her. She stopped and turned around just as he caught up with her. "I wanted to ask you about something".

"Ok. What is it?" she asked curiously.

"Why didn't you and Liv get Rollins anything? You got Haden something and not her?"

"What are you talking about?" she asked confused by the question. She had no idea who this Haden person was and she was positive that she'd put Amanda's gift in the bag with all the others.

"Well, Olivia gave out all the gifts this morning and Amanda didn't get one. Is she still mad about the whole flirting thing because Rollins didn't know about you two then and sh…." Rae put up her hand to stop him from going any further.

"Fin, what do you mean she didn't get one? We bought her a gift. I bagged and labeled it myself" she said. Fin looked like a deer in headlights. He suddenly regretted saying anything to Rae, figuring Olivia had her own reasons for withholding Rollins' gift that she didn't want Rae to know anything about. At the same time that he was figuring out what was going on, Rae was too. She stepped around him and started to walk back to the squad room.

"Rae wait" he called after her but she just continued walking. "Damn" he said under his breath. He knew he'd just opened a can of worms and couldn't put the lid back on it. He quickly followed her back to the squad room hoping he'd be able to stop whatever altercation would happen between them. When they walked back into the squad, Olivia was at her desk. She looked up as Rae walked was walking over to her and smiled.

"Hey babe, I was just on my way down" she said leaning in to give her a kiss. Araeyah backed away, not letting her kiss and Olivia realized how pissed off she looked. "What's wrong?" she asked. When she walked back into the squad room, she had every intention of tearing Olivia a new one right then and there. But she looked around and saw everyone staring at them and decided that wouldn't be the best thing to do. She took a calming breath and shook her head.

"You ready to go?" she asked avoiding her question. Olivia was confused by her mood but was sure she'd find out soon enough what it was about. She nodded her head and grabbed her purse and they headed out the door to go to lunch together. They went to the café that always gave Rae free coffee and sat down at her favorite table in the back by the window. Olivia got the soup and salad with tea and Rae ordered soup and sandwich with a coffee. They'd been eating in silence for five minutes before Olivia finally spoke.

"How were things with Maureen this morning?" she asked.

"Weird" she answered. "It's been awhile since we talked, you know". Olivia nodded her head. "I have one more class and then I'm gonna meet back up with her to visit some schools".

"Which schools?" Rae shrugged her shoulders.

"I don't know. She has a list" she said finishing her soup. She took a knife and cut her sandwich in half and gave half of it to Olivia and Olivia gave the unfinished half of her salad to Rae. Olivia could tell that there was something bothering Rae. Besides her not wanting to kiss her earlier, she was being curt with her. She didn't really seem like she wanted to be having a conversation with her.

"What's wrong?" she asked hoping she wouldn't have to fight to get it out of her but knowing that she would.

"Nothing" she said picking at the salad in front of her. "I'm fine".

"You're not fine. Something's bothering you" she said.

"Ok, fine. Something's bothering me" she admitted.

"What is it?"

"I don't want to talk about it. Not right now anyway". She picked up her sandwich and took a bite.

"Ok. Then we'll talk about it at home tonight" she said not leaving any room for negotiation. _"You mean if you come home tonight"_ Rae thought to herself. She decided not to say it aloud. Arguing wasn't something she was in the mood for so she opted to not say anything. They finished their lunch and she drove Olivia back to work and walked up with her to the squad room. Olivia went to the bathroom and Rae went over to her desk. She opened her drawers, looking for the bag of gifts they'd bought for everyone, and found it in the bottom drawer. She looked through it and found the one with Amanda's name on it. She pulled the bag out and took it over to her.

"This one is for you" she said sitting the bag on her desk. Amanda looked up at her and then at the bag on her desk, realizing that it was like the bags everyone else had gotten. They had gotten her a gift after all.

"Thank you" she said softly. The longer Rae stood in front of her, the faster her heart beat.

"Well, don't you wanna open it?" she asked. Amanda was about to nod her head and open her gift when she saw Olivia walking back into the squad room. She quickly took the bag off her desk and put it in her drawer motioning her head to get Rae to look behind her. She turned around and saw Olivia walking through the door. She rolled her eyes and turned back around to Amanda. She was annoyed with everyone walking on egg shells so they wouldn't upset her. She walked around to the drawer Amanda had stuffed the bag in, opened it and pulled the bag back out, sitting it on top of her desk. "Open it" she said. Olivia saw Rae standing at Amanda's desk and the blue bag sitting in front of her. _"Of course, she gave it to her herself_" she thought as she sat down. She figured that must've been what Araeyah was upset about earlier and wondered which one of her teammates had said something to her about Amanda not getting a bag. She tried her best to pretend it wasn't bothering her and focus on the paperwork on her desk. Amanda shifted uncomfortably in her seat as she untied the ribbon and opened the bag. She reached in a pulled out a jar and laughed when she saw what was inside.

"Peaches, huh?" she said chuckling at the joke. Rae laughed. She was glad Amanda found the gesture amusing.

"I had a jar of my own and I got one for my brother. He's obsessed with peaches. They're his favorite. Anyway, they're really, really good" she said smiling. "Keep going. There's more". Amanda reached her hand in the bag again and pulled out a small booklet with her name on it. She could see that her name and the front cover had been decorated by hand. That was the reason Scott had come to their apartment the day before. He decorated Amanda's gift, as well as Alex's and her mother's. Amanda caressed the book lightly with her fingers and admired the artwork. "It's a ticket stub diary. Whenever you go to a sporting event, you keep the stub and put it in the book. It's…like a scrap book" Rae said explaining what the book. "I know you're a sports fan so…I thought it would be a nice gift". Amanda shifted uncomfortably in her seat again. A book to collect sports memorabilia was the last thing she needed right now. Collecting sports memorabilia meant she had to go to sporting events and going to sporting events was out of the question right now. She was a sports fan, a big sports fan. That was kind of a problem, a big problem, for her. Right now, it was the biggest problem she had. But at the moment she could think of a bigger problem in the making. She was falling for Olivia's girlfriend and she didn't know how to stop it.

"It's uh, it's very nice" she said softly admiring the book.

"Good. I'm glad you like it" she said nicely. "I have to go. I have class". She walked over to Olivia's desk and stood next to her chair. Olivia tried her hardest not to look up at her but she couldn't help it. She lifted her head and brought her eyes up to meet her girlfriend's. She was angry with her; or at least she thought she was. But when she looked into her eyes all of her anger disappeared. Rae leaned down and kissed her on the lips. "We'll talk about this at home tonight?" she asked softly. Olivia silently nodded her head. Rae gave her another quick kiss, said goodbye to everyone and left.

She went to class and then met up with Maureen after. They went to five different campuses, including Fordham. She wasn't sure if she wanted Maureen to go to school with her. Olivia was already fishing for info about Elliot and if Maureen was around all the time it would only get worse. Still, she showed her the campus and left the decision up to her. After she left with Maureen she went to see her mother and Jimmy and give them the gifts she'd gotten for them on her trip. On her way home, she got a call from Olivia asking for her to come get her from work. After a brief discussion about why she couldn't drive herself home, she agreed to go pick her up. She'd been waiting in the car for ten minutes for Olivia to come down so they could go home. She was trying to be patient and just wait but it was starting to feel like she had a seven pound baby sitting on her bladder and she just couldn't wait anymore. She got out of the car and went up to the squad room to look for her. She was with Nick talking to the Captain in his office, she assumed about the case they were working on. She asked Fin to let her know that she was in the bathroom if she came out of the office before she'd come back. He gave her a nod and she walked off to the bathroom. She pushed the door open and walked inside, and was stopped in her tracks by what she saw. Amanda heard the door open and saw her come in and immediately pulled her shirt down but she knew that Rae had seen it. She'd been standing in front of the mirror with her shirt up looking at bluish-purple bruises on her stomach. The color wasn't good. It meant that her bruises were new and they'd take a while to heal. Rae knew that from all the different medical books she'd read and her time volunteering at the hospital. She could tell that Amanda was embarrassed and wanted to get out of there. She started for the door but Rae blocked her way.

"Amanda" she said softly.

"I'm fine" she said quickly. She didn't want to talk to her about it. She was embarrassed and the last person she wanted to know about her gambling problem was Araeyah.

"You're not fine" she said. "Someone hit you". Amanda started to argue with her but she didn't want to hear it. "I'm pre-med and I've volunteered in a hospital. I know what it looks like when someone's been punched in the gut. Who hit you?" she asked.

"It's nothin'. Hazard of the job" she said nonchalantly.

"You're terrible at lying" she said bluntly. Amanda laughed.

"I can definitely argue with you on that one" she said.

"Fine. You're terrible at lying to me" she said amending her statement. Amanda locked eyes with her and her breaths became uneven. "Someone hurt you".

"It's been handled" she said honestly. She held eye contact which let Rae know she was telling her the truth. Rae could tell that she didn't want to explain any further and she couldn't wait to get away from her.

"Fine" she said softly. She stepped to the side and let Amanda past her to leave the bathroom. "Amanda" she said stopping her as she was almost out the door, "If you change your mind and you want to talk about it…..I'm here", she said nicely. "Just get my number from Fin". Amanda started to say that she was fine and she wouldn't change her mind but the words wouldn't leave her mouth. She just nodded her head and then left the bathroom, going back to her desk. A little more than five minutes later, Rae walked into the squad room and Olivia was waiting for her. They said their goodbyes and headed home. They walked into their apartment at eight forty and Rae immediately went to the bedroom to change out of her dress. Olivia followed and changed out of her clothes too.

"Do you want to order take out for dinner?" Olivia asked from inside the closet. Rae was in front of the mirror brushing her hair.

"You can if you want" she said across the room. "I'm not hungry". She finished brushing her hair, brushed her teeth then went over and got into bed. She pulled out her laptop and got started on her homework for her online class. Olivia got into bed next to her and pulled her book from the night stand drawer to read. She and Rae had agreed to talk when they got home but now she was acting like she didn't want to. She read her book until Rae shut down her laptop and put it away. She laid down to go to sleep but Olivia wouldn't turn her light off.

"I thought we were gonna talk?" she asked. Rae sighed and sat up against the headboard.

"Why didn't you give Amanda her gift?" she asked.

"I just….I was being jealous. I was jealous that you bought her a gift so I didn't give it to her" she answered honestly.

"Olivia, I bought _everyone_ a gift. _Everyone_. Why are you obsessing over her? I don't get it" she said. She really didn't understand why Olivia was making such a big deal about her flirting with Amanda. It wasn't as if it were the first time she'd seen her flirt with someone.

"Because I saw the way she looked at you….and I heard the way she made you laugh" she said sadly. "I used to make you laugh like that and I haven't been able to do that for a while now. And then you couldn't…" she paused not wanting to bring up the fact that she couldn't please Rae but she couldn't help it. "I know you said it wasn't about me but it happened after you met Rollins and it's happened every time since. I'm sorry but that makes me jealous. I don't want you buying things for her and I don't want you talking to her anymore".

"Excuse me?" she asked offended. "First of all, you do not dictate whom I can and cannot speak to or who I can or cannot spend my money on, Olivia. Especially not because you're jealous. Second, you do not get to tell me that you don't trust me and then make it my fault. You have always known who I am. I have always let you see me for who I am. If you never said to me before that you have a problem with that, that's not on me. I flirt with people all the time. What makes her so different?"

"You meant it!" she yelled. "When you flirt with other people it's just a joke and I knew that, so even though it bothered me I never said anything. But when you flirted with _her_….you meant it. You liked it. I could see it on your face, in your smile. You meant it" she said sadly. Rae couldn't say anything because what Olivia was saying was true. She was serious when she flirted with Amanda and she really, really enjoyed it. She couldn't deny it because it'd be a lie and she never lied to Olivia. As if she needed anymore confirmation, Araeyah's silence told her everything she needed to know. She was losing her to Rollins and she didn't know what to do to win her back. She got up from the bed and grabbed her pillows, "I'm gonna sleep on the couch". She turned off her light and walked out of the bedroom. Rae took a deep breath and blinked back her tears then laid down to go to sleep.


	11. Chapter 11: The Lying Game

**AN: Hey y'all. So it's really about to hit the fan. These next chapters are going to be really important for Rae and Olivia's relationship. I have taken some stuff from the show but fudged with the timeline and content a little to fit Rae and Olivia's relationship as well as the timeline of the story (in the story, it is summer but the episodes I'm taking from happen in the winter/spring time). It's really going to be a bumpy ride to the finish. I hope y'all are ready for some drama. As always, please review/comment. I really appreciate it. Enjoy!**

Chapter 11: The Lying Game

The next morning when Rae woke up, Olivia had already gone to work. She got up and got dressed and then sat in the living room. She didn't have any classes today, Ashley and Simone were still out of town, Julia and Kensie were working and she didn't want to talk to her mother or Jimmy. She couldn't talk to Fin or John either because they were both working. Everyone had something to do and all she could do was sit on the couch alone. Olivia left without saying goodbye or I love you, something they'd talked about over and over again and she'd promised she'd stop doing it. She got up from the couch and grabbed her bag and keys and left, heading to the precinct to talk to her. She parked, went inside and took the elevator up as usual and made her way to the squad room. When she walked in, Fin pointed towards the captain's office. She could see Olivia and Nick standing in the doorway so she stood and waited for them to come out. A couple minutes later, they left the captain's office and Olivia saw Araeyah there waiting for her. She knew that she would be upset with her for leaving this morning without saying goodbye but she was still angry with her. Rae saw Amanda walk out of the office behind Nick and it looked like she'd been crying. Her attention was drawn away when Olivia walked over to her.

"I don't have time to talk right now, Rae" she said stopping in front of her.

"Uh, I'll be waiting in the car" Amaro said before walking out of the squad towards the elevator. Olivia nodded and turned back to Rae. She started to tell her that she had to go but Rae spoke first.

"We need to talk" she said. Her tone told Olivia that she wanted to talk right then.

"Well, I can't right now. I'm working".

"You left without saying goodbye to me this morning" she said ignoring her statement. "How many times have we talked about that? You do not leave and come to a dangerous job without saying goodbye and I love you" she said angrily.

"I'm sorry but it was early in the morning and I didn't want to wake you. And frankly, I didn't want to talk to you" she said.

"I don't care, Olivia. I didn't want to talk to you yesterday but I did. And when I left yesterday morning, I put aside how mad I was at you and I kissed you goodbye and told you that I loved you. I don't understand why that's so hard for you" she said slightly raising her voice. Olivia was done with this conversation. She didn't have the time nor the desire to continue talking to Rae. She stepped into her and kissed her firmly on the lips then stepped back.

"I love you". Rae knew she'd only done it to end their conversation. "I have to go". She turned and walked out of the squad room, not waiting to hear if Rae had anything else to say. Rae looked over and saw Fin and John staring at her, wondering what was going on between the two of them.

"Don't ask" she said. She turned and walked out of the squad room to find something to do with the rest of her day. She saw Amanda coming out of the bathroom and decided to try to talk to her. "Hey" she said as she walked over.

"Hi" she said nicely. She tried to continue walking past her into the squad room but Rae stepped in front of her, blocking her way.

"How are you?" she asked. Every time she'd talked to Amanda since their first conversation, she always tried to get away from her as quickly as possible. She wasn't gonna let her slip away so fast this time.

"I'm ok" she said.

"You can't lie to me, remember".

"It's been a hard day so far" she said honestly. "I just…want to get back to work. It helps to…stay occupied". Rae nodded her understanding and watched Amanda's body language. She was shifting from one side to the other, trying to figure out which one would be easier to slip past her on.

"Why are you always so...eager to get away from me?" she asked curiously.

"I'm not" Amanda said quickly. Rae gave her a knowing look, saying she knew she was lying.

"Yes, you are" she said, "Did someone tell you not to talk to me? Because you seem like you don't want to talk to me".

"No. No one said that".

"Then what?" she asked. She wanted to know why their conversations went from comfortable to awkward. "Was it Olivia? Did she tell you to stay away from me?" she asked remembering that Olivia said she didn't want her talking to Amanda anymore.

"No" she said.

"Then who was it?" she asked impatiently. She could tell that Amanda didn't want to tell her. "I know that you like talking to me" she said bluntly. "At least you did the first time we talked but ever since then you don't say more than two sentences to me before you bolt with your "I have to get back to work" excuse. I want to know why" she said not giving her an option in telling her what was going on.

"I just don't want to cause any problems, that's all" she said. That was true but also because she'd told Sgt Munch she'd make herself scarce when Rae was around.

"Ok. It wasn't Olivia. Nick wasn't here when we met so he wouldn't know anything about it unless someone told him and I don't see that happening" she said starting to go through the list of people who might tell Amanda to stay away from her. "Fin wouldn't tell you not to talk to me and Captain Cragen wouldn't get involved unless it was affecting your job. So that leaves John. Did he tell you to stay away from me?" she asked. Amanda stood there quietly which told Rae that she was right. She turned to walk back into the squad room and Amanda quickly grabbed her arm to stop her.

"Don't" she said. "He didn't tell me not to talk to you. He just said that it'd be a good idea for me to limit my contact with you, that's all. He knew Benson…" she stopped remembering who she was talking to, "Liv was upset so he gave me some advice so I wouldn't put myself any further on her bad side".

"You don't have to limit your contact with me. I'm an adult. Olivia doesn't tell me who I can and cannot talk to and neither does anyone she works with. Everyone around here has been tiptoeing around her since Elliot left, like she'll break. I won't do it anymore. She needs to start accepting that he's gone. This is ridiculous. It's…" Rae stopped and took a breath, realizing that she was unloading on Amanda. "I'm sorry. You're having a bad day and here I am dumping my crap on you". Amanda laughed.

"It's ok" she said softly. "I really do have to get back to work".

"Yeah, of course" she said stepping to the side. Amanda walked past her, heading back into the squad room. "Amanda" Rae called after her. She stopped and turned around to look at her, "Get my number from Fin. Call me" she said as if she didn't have a choice. She didn't wait for a response. She just walked away to the elevator and made her way out of the precinct. Her phone rang as she was getting in the car and she saw on the caller id that it was Matty. He said they'd been offered an open set at a bar who'd lost their band and needed to fill the spot as soon as possible.

"I know it's the day you planned to celebrate your birthday but it's…"

"No, let's do it" she said happily.

"Really?" he asked. He was surprised that she wasn't opposed to doing a gig on her birthday weekend.

"Yes. Why not? We can celebrate my birthday at the bar after our set". She hadn't discussed what she wanted to do yet with Olivia but she didn't think it would matter. They probably wouldn't be talking to each other anyway.

"Alright, cool. So, uh, what are you doing today? You have time to get to the studio to rehearse with us?" he asked.

"Yeah. I'm free all day".

"Great. Three o'clock?"

"Three o'clock it is" she said before saying good bye and getting off the phone. She texted Maureen and asked her what she'd be doing next Saturday night and if she wanted to come to her show and celebrate her birthday. She said she had no plans and of course she'd be there. After Maureen, she texted Julia, Kensie, Kyle, Haley, Fin, John, Alex, Casey and Melinda. She didn't have the Captain or Nick's numbers but she would just tell Olivia to invite them when she told her about it later. She didn't have Amanda's number either but she was sure that she would get her number from Fin and call her, and she would invite her to her birthday when she did. She called Simone, who was coming back in town on Friday only to find out she'd come back two days early and was already in the city. She met up with her at her house and they sat and talked for a while. Rae told Simone about the problems she and Olivia were having. All Simone wanted to talk about was who this Amanda was.

"She has to be pretty great to take your attention away from Olivia" she said. Rae blushed lightly but then realized she couldn't really answer the question. There wasn't anything special about Amanda that she could point out. She hadn't really had a chance to get her know her. All she knew so far was that Amanda was beautiful, smart, funny, a little troubled and that she was a lot more interested in her than Olivia had been lately. They continued talking until Rae had to leave to get to rehearsal. Simone said she wouldn't miss her birthday for anything in the world. They said their goodbyes and Rae made her way to the studio to rehearse with the guys. After rehearsal, they decided to go out to dinner. They gave Rae suggestions on how to get drinks at the bar, not that she needed any help. Between her stellar fake id and how beautiful she was, she never had any problems getting drinks when she went out. Most of the bar owners liked her so much they looked the other way as long as she didn't cause any trouble and of course she never did. But this time, she'd invited a bunch of cops and lawyers and, even though they were good friends of hers and her girlfriend, there was little chance they'd look the other way if she was drinking in public. Rae just told them she wouldn't worry about it until the night came. They parted ways at nine thirty and Rae went home.

When she walked in the door just a little after ten, Olivia was on the couch with her pillows and blanket, drinking a beer and watching tv. She went into the bedroom to change and then came back to the living room. She pushed her legs out of the way so she could sit down and stared at her until she sat up and turned the tv off. They sat in silence for a moment, just staring at each other. Neither one of them wanted to be the first to break. Olivia looked into Araeyah's eyes and saw the most sadness she'd seen since they'd broken up over a year earlier. She hated that she was making her unhappy but she couldn't help the way she felt. She knew in her gut that something was going on between her and Amanda but she didn't have the courage to ask outright what it was. She didn't know if she could take it if Rae said she was falling for another woman. More than that, she had her own secret to feel guilty about. Rae looked into Olivia's eyes and saw the same sadness in her that she felt within herself. She couldn't believe that they'd grown so far apart and she wasn't sure how to fix it.

"I'm sorry" Olivia said finally breaking the silence between them. "I'm sorry that I left this morning without saying goodbye to you. I know you don't like it when I do that. I was just….I was angry with you and I didn't…" she paused realizing that wasn't important. "I'm just sorry. It won't happen again".

"I'm sorry that I make you jealous of…" she stopped herself from bringing up Amanda but knew it was pointless. They both already had her in their minds. "I'm sorry it makes you jealous…when I flirt with other people. I don't even do it on purpose but…I don't try to stop myself when I realize that I am doing it either. I'm sorry and I will…I don't know…I'll uh, I'll try not to flirt so much" she said not really sure what to do about her flirtatious nature. All she could do was try to tone it down, especially when Olivia was around. This little talk didn't even come close to touching on any real issues but it was all either of them had the energy for. "Come to bed with me" Rae whispered. "Please?" She waited for just a moment before getting up from the couch and going into the bedroom. She climbed in on her side of the bed and turned off her lamp, settling down to go to sleep. A moment later, Olivia came into the bedroom, put her pillows back on the bed and climbed in on her side. She turned off her lamp and laid down facing her girlfriend whose back was turned to her. Rae turned over and moved to the middle of the bed and Olivia moved over to meet her. She wrapped her up in her arms and breathed in her scent. She had sorely missed it the night before. They fell asleep the way they both slept best, wrapped up in each other's arms.

The next couple days, Olivia and Rae barely saw each other. Olivia was working and Rae had school and rehearsals with the band. She'd stayed at her mother's Friday night since it was closer to the studio and she had to rehearse with the guys on Saturday morning. She texted Olivia to tell her that she had to help her mother with a dinner she was having for her practice and she'd be staying the night at home again. She texted back that that was fine; that they'd gotten an important case and would be working late. After rehearsal, lunch with Maureen, and getting some studying done at the library, she headed to her mom's and used her key to go inside. Thankfully Charles wasn't home so she didn't have to deal with his crap. She was in the kitchen helping her mother cook when her phone started ringing. She took it out of her back pocket and saw it was an unknown number but answered it anyway.

"Hello" she said holding the phone between her ear and shoulder. She immediately recognized the accent that greeted her from the other end of the phone. "So you listened to me" she said.

"Yeah, I did" Amanda said. She'd gone ahead and gotten Rae's number from Fin. After half an hour of debating with herself, she finally dialed the number and hit call.

"Shouldn't you be working or something?" she asked. Her mother looked at her curiously and stepped closer, trying to hear who she was talking to.

"No. We wrapped up our case early yesterday evening and had the rest of the night off and all day today. I…" she paused debating whether to tell her she'd gone to her first gambler's anonymous meeting last night and another tonight. "I just got home" she said deciding against it.

"What do you mean you wrapped up the case?" she asked confused.

"I mean, we closed the case. We arrested a fourteen year old rape victim for having her parents murdered. We finished the paperwork and sent it to the DA's office" she explained.

"So, there was no important case that came in today?" she asked. The more Amanda talked, the more Rae realized that Olivia had lied to her. She didn't know what she was doing, but she wasn't working. Amanda didn't know whether she wanted to continue talking or not. She sat down on her couch and held the phone to her ear, quietly thinking about what to say. "Amanda? Are you still there?"

"Uh, yeah. I'm here" she said. "What are you doing?" she asked. She heard clatter in the background and hoped that she could use it to change the subject.

"Don't try to change the subject" Rae said seeing right through her question.

"Who's Amanda?" Soraya asked nosily eavesdropping on Rae's conversation.

"Maaman, please" Rae whispered, shooing her away from where she was mixing things. "I'm waiting for an answer" she said turning her attention back to her phone conversation. "Amanda, was there an important case or not?" she asked impatiently.

"None...that I know of, no" she said hesitantly, not wanting to get in the middle of whatever was going on between her and Olivia. "What are you doing?" she asked again hoping this time the conversation would move on to something else.

"I'm helping my mother cook for a dinner party" she answered. "What are you doing?"

"I'm sitting on my couch looking at a certain jar of peaches, debating whether I should have them now" she said.

"No, you shouldn't. You should put them in the refrigerator and have them in the morning" she suggested. Amanda laughed and assumed that was how Rae had enjoyed the jar she'd bought for herself. "What have you done with your day off?" she asked moving around her mother to put her pot of stew on the stove.

"What do you mean?" Amanda asked wondering if she already knew about her meeting.

"Well, you said you guys closed your case and had last night and today off. So, what'd you do with your free time? I mean, I'm just assuming you have a life outside of work. Please feel free to correct me if I'm wrong" she said sounding like a cop. She attributed her new conversation skills to all the time she spent with Olivia. She knew how to dig for information like the best of them.

"Oh, well ummmm…." Amanda tried to think of anything to say other than that she'd been to a GA meeting.

"Before you try to think of a lie, remember you're no good at it when you're talking to me" Rae said stopping her stammering. "Hold on a sec" she said into the phone. She laid her hand lightly on the speaker and looked at her mother. "Are you ok for now?" she asked. They'd gotten everything on the stove and in the oven. Now it was just a matter of waiting for everything to cook. Soraya nodded her head, saying she'd be fine. "Aya motaen hasti?" Soraya nodded her head again. "Ok, I'll be in my room if you need me". She walked upstairs and went to her room shutting the door for some privacy. "Ok, I'm back. Sorry, I had to get away from my mother. She was being nosy".

"What language was that?" Amanda asked intrigued.

"You have this funny little habit of trying to get out of answering my questions" Rae said not planning to let her off the hook. "It was Persian" she answered. "Now, what have you been up to?" she asked taking them back to the topic at hand. It was like pulling teeth but she finally got out of her that she'd gone to her first gamblers anonymous meeting last night, per captain's orders, and had gone to another one this evening. She explained about her gambling problem and how she'd almost gotten fired because of it. She told her about Murphy and his threats and thought it was sweet how concerned Rae was for her. She assured her that it was taken care of and everything was fine. She had plans to make it to another meeting tomorrow. She loved sports and it was extremely hard for her not to watch. Luckily it was the summer so she wasn't missing much. Rae apologized for getting her the ticket diary. "If I had known, I never would've gotten it for you" she said. Amanda told her not to be ridiculous. She loved her gift and she thought it was very thoughtful.

"It just might be a while before I can put it use" she said. They talked for another hour until Rae's mother called her back down to the kitchen. She told her she'd call her back after the dinner party if it wasn't too late. She hung up and went back downstairs to help her mother finish setting up and get all the food on the table. Soraya proceeded to bombard Rae with questions about who Amanda was and what was going on with her and Olivia. Rae refused to answer and then threatened to leave her to do the dinner party alone if she didn't stop with the inquisition. She stopped her questioning but made it clear that it was just for the moment and they'd be talking more about this later. The dinner party went well. All of Soraya's guests showed up and seemed to enjoy themselves quite nicely. The last guest left the house just after eleven. They quickly cleaned up and an exhausted Soraya dragged herself upstairs to bed. Rae went up to her room, changed her clothes, grabbed her phone and then went back down to the living room. She wasn't at all tired so she found a tv movie and tried to call Olivia. Of course, she didn't answer her phone. She had to keep up the charade that she was at work. Rae wondered what she was doing that she felt like she had to lie to her about it. She tried her one more time before calling Amanda who picked up after only two rings. They talked until Rae could barely keep her eyes open. She was sure that Amanda had to get up early for work anyway so she told her goodnight and then went upstairs to her room and went to bed.

The next day, Rae lounged around at home with her mother practically all day. Soraya continually tried to question her about who Amanda was but she refused to answer any of her questions. She tried calling Olivia a couple times but she was still not answering her phone calls. She called Fin and John and they said there wasn't any case but they were all on call. That meant that Olivia had no reason not to be answering her phone. But if she didn't want to talk to her, she was happy to oblige. She decided not to call her for the rest of the day. At five o'clock, she texted Amanda and asked if she wanted to have dinner. She didn't get a response until an hour and a half later. She'd been in a meeting and her phone was off. She tried to decline her offer giving some excuse about wanting to stay home and be by herself. Rae called her so she could hear her voice. She knew she'd be able to tell if she was lying to get out of seeing her. Of course, she was right and Amanda didn't want to have dinner with her because of Olivia. Rae told her not to worry about it because Olivia wasn't talking to her at the moment. "I don't know what it's about yet but I'm sure I'll find out sometime" she said. She said definitively that they were going to dinner and that she felt like Italian. Her mother, being nosy of course, told her to invite Amanda over to their house and she would cook for them. Rae said no, absolutely not. She knew her mother just wanted to meet Amanda and find out how old she was and if she was interested in her daughter. She really wanted her to date someone her own age. Rae told Amanda she'd meet her at the restaurant then hung up and went to get changed. She wore black jeans, a red halter top and white sandals and pulled her hair up into a ponytail. She kept on her glasses and grabbed her purse, putting it on across her body. As she walked out the door, her mother told her she looked too casual for a date. "It's not a date" she said over her shoulder. She hurried to her car and left before she could bug her anymore.

They enjoyed a nice dinner at the restaurant before reluctantly asking for the check. Amanda tried to give Rae money but she refused to take it. She could tell that Rae wasn't going to budge on the issue so she stopped arguing. Amanda had taken the subway there so Rae gave her a ride home. Amanda asked her if she wanted to come upstairs, just being polite. She didn't think that Rae would say yes. Before she knew it, Araeyah was in her living room, sitting on her couch. They talked for a while about how they both grew up, how Amanda had decided to become a cop, why Rae chose to study medicine, and so much more. It was nice to be able to talk to someone and it not end up in an argument. Rae tried asking Amanda about her gambling problems and how they'd started but she sensed how uncomfortable it made her.

"I'm sorry, Amanda. I didn't mean to…you don't have to talk about it, you know, if you don't want to" she said.

"No, it's ok. I just…I don't know. It's embarrassing" she admitted.

"I have a younger brother, Jimmy. He's eighteen….and he's an addict" she said. Amanda looked surprised. "His mom died when he was really young and his father…wasn't a father. So he started acting out…for attention. He eventually ended up doing drugs and almost died. But he's been clean for over a year now. He still goes to meetings and he's in college and he's a mentor. He's doing really well" she said proudly. She reached over and touched her hand. "Don't be embarrassed. Everyone has something dark in their lives. Use it. Let it make you better". Amanda looked into her eyes and saw that she genuinely cared for her. Without thinking, she leaned forward and tried to kiss her. Rae moved away before their lips could make contact. "Amanda" she said starting to tell her that couldn't happen.

"I'm sorry, Araeyah. I didn't mean…I wasn't thinking. I'm sorry" she apologized quickly for her stupid actions. Rae smiled and shook her head.

"Its okay" she said softly before clearing her throat. "I should, umm, I should go". She got up from the couch, grabbed her bag and walked to the door. She opened it and stepped into the hallway before turning back around to look at her. "Thank you for having dinner with me". She turned and walked away from her door to head home. Amanda shut and locked the door then turned and put her back to it.

"Stupid, stupid, stupid" she whispered to herself as she lightly banged her head back against the door. She let out a forceful breath then dragged herself to her bedroom to get ready for bed.

On Monday morning, Olivia finally answered her phone and Rae asked how her case was going, knowing that there was no case. She just wanted to see if she would continue lying to her. She said the case was going fine and then rushed her off the phone, saying she had to get back to work. When she hung up with Olivia, she called Amanda who informed her that there was a case but they'd only been called in this morning. That meant Olivia had been flat out lying to her about what she'd been doing the entire weekend. Amanda was sitting at her desk talking to Rae on the phone when Olivia and Nick walked into the squad room.

"Yeah, I will. No, I'll be there" she said accepting Rae's invitation to celebrate her birthday on Saturday. "Listen, I have to go. I'm at work" she said.

"God, you sound like Olivia" Rae said. She really wanted to keep talking to Amanda. She'd talked to her more in the last three days than she'd talked to Olivia in the past month. It was really easy to have a conversation with her once she'd gotten past her protective shield, which hadn't been as difficult as she'd thought it would be.

"Yeah, well, speak of the devil" she said letting Rae know that Olivia was there and she really had to get off the phone with her.

"That's why you want to get off the phone with me? Because Olivia's there?" she asked as if it weren't a good reason. "I told you that you can talk to me. She's not the boss of either of us" Rae reminded her. Rae heard Captain Cragen say Amanda's name and something else she couldn't make out. Amanda got up from her desk and started walking over to the table for the briefing. "But he is, so I guess I'll let you get to work. Tell Olivia I said to call me" she said.

"What? No!" she said. Araeyah laughed as she pictured the look that must've been on Amanda's face.

"I'm just kidding" she said still laughing. "I'll talk to you later". They said their goodbyes and got off the phone.

**Persian-English Translations**

**Aya motaen hasti?-** Are you sure?


	12. Chapter 12: Olivia's Betrayal

Chapter 12: Olivia's Betrayal

They were working the case of a missing sixteen year old escort and Olivia was working hard to put all of her focus on that. This past weekend, she'd made the biggest mistake of her life and she didn't know what to do about it. But she didn't have time to think about that now. There was a young girl out there fighting for her life and it was her job to bring her home. She tried to use her connection to David Haden to convince him to back her on shutting down the paper that these girls used for their ads. When he said they could only work if he didn't go near her cases, she felt a twinge in her stomach. The truth was they could never work. She didn't know what she was doing with him. She didn't know how she'd tell Rae about him. She didn't know anything. She put all of her focus on bringing Haley home to her mother and baby. The days passed and they gathered bodies and witnesses, looking for any evidence to close in on their perp, a guy who called himself Brewster. Finally, they got a break when they found a girl named Lizzie in a psych ward who'd escaped from him and survived. She gave the final clues as to where they could find this Brewster and save Haley's life. They tracked him down to Wildlife Preserve run by Hudson University and went in with the state police to search for both him and his victim.

Olivia found Haley in a small shack and soon found herself cornered by Brewster and his gun. He took her sidearm and then her drop gun, leaving her completely unprotected. All she could think about was Araeyah and if she'd ever see her again. She wished she had taken the time to talk to her that morning and tell her how much she loved her, how she wanted to work things out between them, and how she didn't ever want to be without her. Now she was here in this little run down shack, staring down the barrel of a gun, not sure how she was going to talk her way out of it. Just when she saw him about to pull the trigger and end her life, she heard a shot ring out and then another. She collapsed when she realized that it was Amaro and she was ok. He'd just saved her life and given her the chance she'd been hoping for to make things right with Araeyah. She wasn't sure how she'd do that but at least she had the chance to figure it out.

Back at the precinct, the Captain ordered Amaro to take a few days and spend time with his daughter. He tried to argue and Olivia tried to step in for him but Cragen made it an order, ending all discussion. He took some time to video chat with his wife before going to start on the paperwork with Cragen for IAB. Olivia sat at her desk and tried to calm her nerves. She thought about what she needed to do to get her relationship with Rae back on track. The first thing she needed to do was talk to David. Then she needed to figure out what to tell Araeyah. She knew the truth would break her heart but she'd already lied to her enough. She got her paperwork done and then called David, telling him they needed to talk. She went to meet him for a drink and told him that they had to end things between them. He tried to argue with her but she just kept repeating herself.

"I'm sorry, David. This was a mistake" she said.

"No. This wasn't a mistake. Olivia, we work together. We've been getting to know each other. We had a great weekend together" he said taking her hand. She sighed and closed her eyes as the memories came back to her then quickly tried to shake them away. "I thought things were going well. What is this about?" he asked. She pulled her hand away from his.

"I'm with someone. I'm in a relationship" she said. He could hear the guilt in her voice over what she'd done. She was genuinely sad.

"Well, then you're not happy. Whoever this guy is, he doesn't make you happy. If he did, you wouldn't be with me" he said trying to take her hands again. She pushed his hands away, making it clear she didn't want him to touch her.

"_She_ is amazing" she said letting him know there was no guy. "And she doesn't deserve this. Yes, we've been having some problems but that's no excuse for this. This was a mistake. I love her. I'm _in love_ with her and I don't want to hurt her anymore. This is over, David. I'm sorry but this is over". She stood up and took her purse from the back of her chair to leave. He grabbed her by her coat and pulled her into a kiss. It was different than all the other kisses they'd shared. It was goodbye. It lasted for only a moment before she pulled away and walked out of the bar to head home. Araeyah was sitting on the bed doing homework when she heard the front door open and shut. Olivia yelled for her and she shut her laptop and went out to the living room to meet her. Olivia took off her coat and hung it up and turned to see Rae standing there. She was wearing shorts and a tank top and her curly hair was pulled up into a ponytail. Not a trace of make up on her face and still she looked so beautiful.

"Hey" she said as Olivia walked towards her. "So, for my birthday" she paused as Olivia wrapped her arms around her and held her tight. A confused Rae brought her arms up and returned her embrace. Olivia's breaths came out heavy and labored like she was trying not to cry. "Liv, what's wrong?"

"I thought I'd never see you again" she whispered.

"What are you talking about?" she said pulling back to look at her.

"I…I almost died today" she said as a single tear slid down her cheek. "I was so scared that I'd never see you again". She kissed her and pulled her into another hug and held on like she never wanted to let go.

"It's ok" Rae whispered. "You're ok". She hated hearing things like this from her girlfriend. She'd much rather think about the good things about Olivia's job, like how she was helping people, not the dangerous things, like almost dying. The thought of losing her made everything they'd been arguing about seem small and unimportant.

"I'm sorry" Olivia whispered. "For everything". She was apologizing for the fighting and the accusations and the things that Rae knew nothing about. She couldn't tell her. She couldn't risk losing her.

"I'm sorry too" Rae said. Olivia felt a pang in her chest, hearing Rae apologize to her. She didn't really have much to apologize for. Yes, she'd flirted with Amanda but they'd already talked about that and she'd apologized more than once. It was herself who would have a lifetime of apologizing and making up to do, even if Rae never knew what it was for. She finally pulled away from her and wiped the tears from her face.

"So" she said taking a deep breath to collect herself, "about your birthday. We can do whatever you want. I'll take the day off" she said. Rae's birthday fell on a Tuesday but Olivia wanted to celebrate with her.

"Ummm, ok but I was gonna celebrate this weekend since everyone's pretty busy during the week" she said as she started walking back to the bedroom. Olivia followed her and started to change out of her clothes.

"Ok, then I'll take the weekend off" she said. Rae was surprised that Olivia was willing to take a weekend off of work without her having to convince her, especially since they'd just taken a vacation.

"Ummm, ok" she said. "Well, the band booked a gig tomorrow and I invited everyone except for Nick and Don because I don't have their numbers so could you invite them?" she asked. She climbed back into bed and opened her laptop to finish the homework she'd been working on.

"Yeah, of course". Olivia got her phone sat down on her side of the bed in just her underwear and typed a message for Nick and the Captain. "What time babe?" she asked.

"Show starts at nine" she said still staring at her computer screen. Olivia finished typing the message and hit send. She put her phone down on the bed and got up to go to the bathroom. She was brushing her teeth when her phone chimed on the bed next to Rae. Rae reached over and grabbed Olivia's phone to check her message. It was from Nick saying that he'd love to come and asking if he could bring Zara. "Who's Zara?" Rae asked. Olivia came over to the doorway with her toothbrush in her mouth.

"What?" she mumbled.

"Nick wants to know if he can bring Zara. Who's Zara?" she asked again. Olivia laughed.

"His five year old" she said trying not spill toothpaste from her mouth.

"Ok. That's a no". Olivia went back to the bathroom to finish brushing her teeth and Rae replied to Nick, telling him the show was at a bar. He replied back and said he'd ask his mother to watch her but he'd be there. Rae went back to her homework and Olivia turned on the water so she could take a shower. She took off her last articles of clothing and stepped in the shower. Rae finished her homework and shut down her computer then grabbed Olivia's phone to play a game. She found her favorite game called Unblock Me and started to play. A couple minutes later, her phone chimed again so she closed out of the game and checked the message. It was from someone named David saying he missed her already. She didn't know what to think. Olivia had never mentioned anyone named David to her and if he was important she'd know about him. She opened the game again and waited for Olivia to come out of the shower. Olivia's phone chimed again and again Rae exited the game to look at the message. It was Don saying he would be there for Rae's birthday. She smiled for just a moment before her mind went back to the message from David. She thought hard, trying to remember if Olivia had ever mentioned a David to her but couldn't think of anyone. The shower turned off and Olivia came out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel. She went over to the dresser and pulled out underwear, a t shirt, and pants.

"Are you hungry?" she asked taking her towel and throwing it in the hamper. "I feel like take out". She pulled on her underwear and put on her bra and grabbed her lotion from the dresser taking it, along with her shirt and pants, over to the bed. She sat down and started to put lotion on her skin while she stared at her girlfriend who looked to be in a daze. "Araeyah" Olivia said getting her attention.

"What?" she said looking over at Olivia. It took a moment for her question to register with her. "Oh, uhh, yeah. Take out's fine" she said. Olivia finished putting lotion on then put on her t shirt and pants. She took her lotion back over and sat it on the dresser and Rae went back to playing her game.

"You want anything special?" she asked. Rae shook her head from side to side, focused on the puzzle in front of her. Olivia walked out of the bedroom to the kitchen to look through her take out menus for what she wanted for dinner. Rae was still sitting on the bed playing the game but she couldn't take her mind off the message from David. She went back to look at it again.

_I miss you already_

There weren't too many things that statement could mean. She wondered if this had anything to do with why Olivia had been lying to her about work. Her mind started racing with all the possibilities of what this could mean for them going forward. She got an awful feeling in her stomach as she thought about Olivia with someone else. She took a deep breath and tried to relax. Olivia would never do that to her. She loved her, right? Olivia came back into the bedroom with a menu for the Chinese restaurant that delivered to their building. Rae looked up at her and searched her face for a sign, anything that would tell her what she was thinking. She couldn't see anything.

"Pick what you want" she said holding out the menu. She sat down on the bed and waited for Rae to take the menu from her.

"Who's David?" she asked quietly. Olivia wasn't sure she'd heard her right.

"What?" she asked hoping she hadn't just said the name she thought she had.

"David, who is he?" she asked again.

"He's a DA that I work with" she said like it wasn't a big deal. "Here" she said trying to hand her the menu again. "Pick what you want so we can order". She hoped that Rae would take her answer and drop it but she knew her girlfriend better than that.

"How long have you worked with him?"

"Umm, I don't know. A few months, I guess" she said trying to add up the time in her head.

"What's his last name?" she asked.

"What?"

"What like you didn't hear me or what like you don't understand what I'm asking?" she asked with a little attitude.

"Haden. It's David Haden" she answered. That name sounded familiar to her. She was positive that she'd heard it before. Then it came to her. Fin said something about them buying a gift for Haden and not Amanda.

"Did you buy him a gift?"

"What?" Olivia asked for the third time. Rae rolled her eyes.

"Are you….going deaf or something?" she asked with a lot more attitude. She knew that Olivia could hear her and understood what she was asking. It was pissing her off that she was pretending not to know what she was talking about.

"I…." she thought about lying but couldn't do it. She knew that Rae would see right through her and the guilt she felt was eating away at her. "Yes, I bought him a gift" she finally answered.

"Why?"

"Because…we work together and we got everyone else one" she lied.

"_We _didn't get him a gift. _You_ got him a gift. I don't know him. You know who I do know? Amanda. But you didn't want to get her anything" she said. Olivia could hear the anger in her voice. She knew this conversation wasn't going to end well. "Why haven't I met him?"

"I don't know, Rae. I guess he's just never been around when you came in the precinct. He's just a DA. He has his own office" she said still lying.

"Well, why haven't you ever mentioned him? I didn't even know you were working any DA's other than Alex and Casey" she said. Lie after lie was rolling off of Olivia's tongue like it was nothing to her. Rae couldn't believe it. They'd always been open and honest with each other about everything. She didn't know when or why that'd changed.

"Alex and Casey haven't worked with the unit for months. I thought you knew that. And I didn't mention him because he wasn't important, Araeyah" she said. She really wanted her to just drop this whole thing and decide what she wanted for dinner. "Are you gonna pick something to order?" she said holding out the menu to her again. Rae scoffed and got up from the bed, putting her back to Olivia. She took slow, deep breaths trying her best to control her anger. Once she felt like she could continue talking to her without yelling she turned around to face her.

"He was important enough for you to buy him a gift behind my back" she said softly.

"You bought Amanda a gift and I didn't know anything about that" she said back.

"Olivia, it's common sense that she would get a gift. You work with her everyday. She's a part of the team. It would've been incredibly rude to get everyone a gift and not her. Fin was upset when he thought she didn't get anything. You..."

"Ok, ok" Olivia said, getting her point. "You're right. I should have mentioned him. I should have discussed buying him a gift with you before I did it. I'm sorry" she apologized hoping that would be the end of it but knowing deep down that it wouldn't be. Rae stood there quietly, still controlling her breathing and suppressing her anger. "Babe, can we please just not fight anymore? Let's order dinner" she said trying to move on to something else.

"Where were you this past weekend?" she asked softly. She didn't know if she wanted to know the truth but she needed to know. She looked Olivia in the eyes and dared her to tell her another lie.

"I was working. I already told you that" she said. She had to keep up the lie. She couldn't bear to tell Rae the truth. She wanted to but she couldn't bring herself to do it.

"What was the case you were working on?" she asked, knowing that if she kept asking her questions she'd just continue to lie.

"It was a domestic violence case. A…husband was beating his wife and we were trying to convince her to leave him….and press charges". She looked Rae in the eyes and willed her to believe what she was saying. In her mind, she was trying to convince herself that she was telling the truth. It was amusing to Rae that Olivia thought she could lie to her and get away with it. She let out a small laugh.

"God, you're such a fucking liar" she said. "I know you weren't working last weekend, Olivia. You know how I know? Since you weren't returning my phone calls, I called everyone else. I talked to Fin and John and Amanda. None of them were working. You all had the weekend off". She stood there and waited for her to say something, to come up with another lie. Olivia just sat there and stared at the bed. "When did this happen?" she asked. Olivia looked at her, confused by the question. "When did it become a thing for you to look me in my face...and lie to me?" Olivia just stared at her and didn't say anything. "Where were you last weekend?" she asked again. Olivia shifted uncomfortably on the bed and tried to blink back the tears that were coming to her eyes. The longer Olivia sat there, not answering her question, the angrier Rae became. She decided to just ask the hard question. "Why does he miss you?" Olivia's eyes shot up to meet hers. She folded her arms over her chest and stared back at her.

"What are you talking about?"

"David texted you. He said "he misses you already". Why does he miss you, Olivia?" She didn't know how much longer she'd be able to control her anger if Liv continued to sit there staring at her like an idiot. "Don't make me ask you again" she said firmly.

"I…he….it was" she stuttered trying to find the right words. "I don't know why. Maybe he meant to send that to someone else" she lied again. That was the last straw. Rae lost it.

"Stop fucking lying to me, Liv!" she yelled. "Were you with him when you told me that you were working!?"

"Araeyah" Olivia started to answer but Rae didn't want to hear a long, drawn out answer to such a simple question.

"Just yes or no" she said cutting her off. "Were you with him when you told me that you were working?" she repeated. Olivia took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"Yes" she said softly.

"Did you fuck him?" she asked bluntly. Olivia visibly cringed at the question. "Hello!?" Rae said impatiently waiting for an answer. "Did you?"

"Yes" she said even softer than before. Her answer hit Rae like a ton of bricks. She couldn't believe this was happening. The shame and guilt was all over Olivia, on her face and in her body language. She looked at her, tears forming in her eyes threatening to spill, "I'm so…"

"Don't!" Rae yelled stopping her. "Don't you fucking say you're sorry. How long have you been sleeping with him?" she asked not sure she wanted to know.

"It just happened this past weekend, I swear" she said quickly.

"Where?" she asked. "Where did you have sex with him? Was it here?"

"No" she answered without hesitation.

"Then where?" she asked. "And don't lie to me" she added.

"We went to my old apartment" she answered. When Rae and Olivia moved into their new place they decided that it'd be cheaper to pay Olivia's rent rather than to break the lease. So technically the apartment was still hers.

"Oh, you mean the apartment that my mother is paying for?" she asked. "That's…fucking great, Olivia". She felt so pissed off and disgusted and hurt and used and lied to. "Were you seeing him before our vacation?" Olivia opened her mouth to answer then stopped herself. "Tell me" she said prompting her to answer.

"I wasn't. It was just….we went to dinner…..twice. That's it" she explained.

"Were you...were you seeing him before we moved in together?" she asked? She had so many questions running through her brain she could barely keep them straight. She was asking them so quickly Olivia cold barely keep up. She didn't want to lie anymore but she didn't want to tell the truth either. Her lack of answers told Rae everything she needed to know. "Oh my god" she breathed out, turning her back to her and putting her hands in her hair. Olivia got up from the bed and walked over to her. She reached out and touched Rae on the shoulder but she moved away and turned to face her. "Don't…fucking touch me" she said harshly. "Did you use a condom?" she asked abruptly. Olivia was so caught off guard by the question, she couldn't find her words.

"I…I…we…" she stammered, trying to string a sentence together.

"What? You don't remember? Or did you use one the first time and not the second or third or fourth? Could you be pregnant? Could you have caught something from him?" she asked bombarding her with questions. "How many times did you fuck him? I mean, you were with him all weekend, right? So how many times?"

"I don't know" Olivia said tears streaming down her face. She was so overwhelmed by how many questions Rae was asking her.

"So, you ignored my phone calls all weekend because you were in bed with him?" she asked. Olivia didn't say anything. She just stood there and cried. "Do you love him?" she asked nervously.

"No" she answered quickly. "No. I love you". She reached out and tried to take Rae's hand but she pulled away from her again.

"I said don't touch me!" she yelled.

"Araeyah, I'm sorry. It was a mistake. I told him it's over. I told him that I love you and…"

"You're a liar!" she yelled interrupting her. "How can I believe anything you say? You've been lying to me for months! You fu…." she bit back her words. There were so many things going through her head, she couldn't process them all at once. "You're fucking unbelievable, you know that? This whole time, you've been obsessing about Amanda and making me feel like a shitty girlfriend because I do things to make you feel jealous and insecure and all along you've been fucking someone else!" she yelled. "What else have you lied to me about? What about Alex?" she asked thinking back to when they broke up before. "Was it really just a kiss then or did you fuck her too?"

"No, babe, I didn't" Olivia said. She wanted Rae to stop yelling and just listen to her but she knew that wasn't going to happen. She just had to keep trying. "I swear, I didn't" she tried to reassure her.

"I don't fucking believe you!" she yelled. She started to pace back and forth as images of Olivia with this mystery man filled her head. She couldn't get them to go away. It was amazing, the things her imagination was coming up with. "Oh my god" she said stopping in front of her, "Did you go down on him? Did you put his dick in your mouth?" she asked disgusted. Olivia couldn't believe she was asking her that. "You kissed me!"

"Araeyah, please" Olivia whispered, begging her to stop. Her tears showed no signs of stopping and she could barely get her breath to speak.

"Please, what?" she asked annoyed. "Am I making you feel bad? Good! I hope you feel like shit!" She started to pace again and again her mind filled up with images of Olivia and David lost in the throes of passion. She stopped in front of her again. "How was he? Was he good? Was he better than me?" she asked firing away with questions. "How many times did you cum for him? How many times did he cum for you? That's what this is about right? I couldn't cum for you so you found someone who could?" Rae, herself, could barely believe the questions that were coming out of her mouth. She'd never talked to anyone like this, let alone Olivia. But she'd never been hurt like this either. Olivia was standing in front of her sobbing and it was driving her crazy. "Why are you crying? You're the one who cheated on me. I should be crying, not you!" Olivia took deep breaths and tried to control gain of herself. It took her a few minutes but she finally calmed down and stopped her tears from flowing. "I went out to dinner with Amanda on Sunday….when you were working" she added using air quotes, "and we had a really nice time. It was nice to talk to someone who was actually interested in what I was saying. I drove her home and she invited me up to her apartment and I went. We sat and talked for a while longer and….I don't know, maybe she thought I was making a pass at her but she tried to kiss me. And even though I really wanted to kiss her too….I didn't. I couldn't….because I thought of you". Her anger turned to sadness and tears filled her eyes. "I thought of you and how much I lo…" she paused to take a breath and kept her tears at bay. "How much I love you and how I didn't want to hurt you. Did you think about me?" she asked. "No. You couldn't have" she said answering for her. "There's no way that you spend an entire weekend in bed with someone and then call it a mistake. You wanted to be with him. You intentionally lied to me and ignored my phone calls to be with him. Why would you do that? Why not just tell me that you wanted to be with someone else? Why lie and sneak around? Why didn't you just break up with me….again?" she asked. Olivia just stood there silently, like she didn't hear anything Rae was saying. "Answer me!" she yelled.

"I don't know what to say…to make this right…"

"Olivia, there's nothing you can say to make it right" she said cutting her off. "Just…tell me why?"

"I don't know why" she said simply. "I was jealous of….your feelings for Amanda and then I met him and he was interested in me and I…I don't know….I just" she didn't know what else to say. She didn't really have a reason. She'd been stupid and selfish. "We hadn't been connecting. We've been different together ever since you met Amanda and…." Rae rolled her eyes. She'd had enough of her blaming their problems on Amanda.

"That's bullshit" she said interrupting. "What's going on between us has nothing to do with me meeting Amanda. We haven't been different since I met her. We've been different since Elliot left" she said finally saying what she'd known to be the problem all along. "He left and you act like he took your whole life with him. And I stood by you. I was always there for you and you….you were somewhere else. You checked out on me long before I met Amanda". Olivia couldn't argue with her. She tried to pull it together after Elliot left but the truth was, she still wasn't over him leaving. She thought she was doing a good job pretending to be present with Rae in their relationship but she should've known better. Rae could read her like a book and she wasn't a fool. "I should've listened to my mother" she whispered.

"Araeyah, please. Don't say that" she said taking a step towards her. To her surprise, she didn't move away. "I'll do whatever you want. I'll do anything to show you that I'm…I'm so sorry" she whispered blinking back her tears. "Please. Rae, please" she begged, "just tell me what you want me to do and I'll do it. I'll do anything".

"Get out" she said.

"Araeyah please don't…" she started to beg her to let her stay.

"You said to tell you what I want you to do" she said stopping her going any further. She left the bedroom then came back a minute later with Olivia's suitcase and dropped it on the floor. She turned to her and looked her in the eyes. "I want you to pack your shit and get the fuck out of my house". She stood there paralyzed for a moment, trying to process what was happening. She couldn't believe that this was actually happening. It felt so much like a dream, like she would wake up and everything would be ok. Then Rae yelled at her again. "Get the fuck out!" The dream was over and she snapped back to reality. This was really happening. Rae was kicking her out of their apartment. She took some of her things out of the closet and dresser and went to the bathroom for her toiletries. She took her gun and badge from the night stand and her phone from the bed, putting it in her pocket, then headed for the front door. It felt like everything was happening in slow motion. She took her coat down and put it on and grabbed her keys from the table. "Leave the key" Rae said from behind her. Olivia couldn't help the tears that fell from her eyes. She took the key off of her key ring and slowly set it down on the table. "Have Fin call me when you want to come get the rest of your stuff" she said. Olivia choked back her sobs at what Rae had just said. She didn't even want to talk to her. She didn't know how they would come back from this or if they could. She opened the door and stepped out of the apartment and cringed when she heard the door slam behind her. The sound of the lock turning seemed amplified in her head. She could swear she could hear sobbing from the other side of the door but that could've been in her head too. Nothing seemed real. She took a deep breath and started walking, making her way to her car. She sat behind the wheel and cried before finally starting her car and leaving, going to her apartment.


	13. Chapter 13: The Aftermath

Chapter 13: The Aftermath

Araeyah paced around her apartment for what felt like forever, trying to figure out what to do with herself. Her chest her so badly from forcing herself not to cry. She just breathed through the pain. She went over and pulled a bottle of wine out of the cabinet and popped it open. She drank and paced and drank more. She couldn't believe this was her life. She had a girlfriend who lied and cheated and made a fool of her. She wondered if anyone else knew what Olivia was doing behind her back. Nick was her partner. He worked closely with her every day. Maybe he'd seen something between Olivia and David. Maybe Fin or John had seen it too. They were detectives. They had to have known something was going on. Then she thought of Amanda. She really liked Amanda and she thought that Amanda liked her too. She'd feel like such an idiot if Amanda knew that Olivia was cheating on her. What if she did know? Why wouldn't she tell her? She went to the bedroom and grabbed her phone, dialing Amanda's number. She waited and waited but didn't get an answer. She hung up and called her back again.

"Hey" Amanda said answering her call, "I'm just walking into a meeting. Can I call you back?" she asked.

"Did you know?" Rae asked.

"Did I know what?" Amanda asked confused.

"Did you know what Olivia was doing behind my back? Is that why you didn't want to tell me that she was lying about being at work last weekend?" she asked slightly slurring her words.

"Rae, I don't know what you're talking about" Amanda said. Rae continued to drink as she listened to Amanda talk. "I don't know anything about what Olivia was doing last weekend or why she lied to you". She could tell that Rae had been drinking. She was slurring her words and wasn't really making any sense. She heard a lot of noise on the end of the phone. "Rae" Amanda said into the speaker. She didn't get a response. "Araeyah" she said louder but still heard nothing. Then she heard the line click. Rae had hung up on her. She tried calling her back but she didn't answer. She didn't know what to do. She really needed a meeting but she was worried about Rae. She pulled up Olivia's number and hit the call button, hoping she would answer. She finally heard the line pick up and Olivia's voice on the other end. "Liv, its Amanda. Listen, I don't know what's going on but Rae just called me and…she doesn't sound good".

"What did she say?" Olivia asked. Amanda could hear the concern in her voice.

"She asked me if I knew something about what you were doing last weekend. I don't know. She wasn't making a lot of sense. She sounded like she'd been drinking" she said. She didn't know what was going on between the two of them but she didn't want to be stuck in the middle. She just wanted to make sure that Rae was ok. "I heard some noise on the other end and then she hung up".

"Ok" Olivia said taking a deep breath. "Uh, thanks for calling".

"Yeah, of course". Whatever was going on with Rae and Olivia, it didn't seem like anything good. She hung up the phone and set it to vibrate instead of turning it off like usual. If Rae called back, she wanted to be able to answer her.

Olivia got out of bed and put her clothes back on. When she'd gotten to her apartment, she'd gotten right into bed. She cried to the point that her eyes were red and dry. She was laying in bed, in the darkness of her room, just staring at the ceiling when her phone rang. She'd been trying to think of the moment when she'd decided to throw everything she had with Rae away for someone she didn't even have real feelings for. She'd really screwed up this time and she had no clue how she was going to fix it. Now Rae was angry and drinking and calling her coworkers. She really didn't need that, especially Amanda. She put on her coat and grabbed her keys then headed out the door back to their apartment. When she got there, she took the elevator up and went to the door. She rang the bell and waited quietly for Rae to answer. She didn't want to call through the door for her because she was afraid she wouldn't open up. After a couple minutes, she rang the bell again and continued to wait. She heard the lock turn and the door opened. Rae stood there in her shorts and t shirt with a bottle of wine in her hand. Olivia could tell she was already drunk.

"Did you forget something?" Rae asked. She held on to the door for support and brought the bottle to her lips, taking a drink.

"Amanda called me. She's worried about you" she said.

"So" Rae said back. "You came back over here to tell me that?" Her slurring was more pronounced now that she was halfway through her second bottle of wine on an empty stomach.

"I was worried about you too" she said softly. She hated seeing her like this because of something she'd done.

"I don't care. Don't come back here. I already told you, if you need any…something to have Fi…Fin call me" she said stumbling over her words. She closed the door in Olivia's face and locked it again so she wouldn't try to come in. There wasn't anything that Olivia had to say that Rae wanted to hear. But she couldn't just leave knowing that she was in there drinking herself into a stupor. She pulled out her phone and called Fin. He answered after a few rings and Olivia asked him to come over to the loft to help him. She told him she didn't have time to explain it all right now but that she needed his help. Of course he said he'd be right over. She hung up the phone and texted him the address then sat down against the wall and waited. Twenty minutes later, she heard the elevator doors open and saw Fin step off and walk towards her.

"What's going on?" he asked concerned.

"I need you to talk to Rae for me. She's pissed off at me and she'll only talk to me through you" she explained.

"Alright" he said. He didn't know what Olivia was dragging him into but they were friends and he had to be there for her. He took a breath and then rang the doorbell. Rae went over when she heard the bell and was going to be pissed if it was Olivia bothering her again. She unlocked the door and opened to see Fin standing there with Olivia right behind him. "What's going on Rae?" he asked.

"What are you doing here?" she asked. He turned to look at Olivia who looked lost for words and then turned back to Rae who looked mad as hell.

"Olivia said that you'll only talk to her through me so I'm here to help her talk to you" he said, not beating around the bush.

"I also said for her to have you call me. This isn't calling!" she yelled.

"Rae, please. Just let me in and we can talk about this" Olivia said from behind Fin.

"Fuck you" she said harshly. "Get away from my door". She shut the door in both of their faces and went back to drinking alone. Fin turned and looked at Olivia, dumbfounded by what had just happened.

"What the hell did you do?" he asked. Olivia closed her eyes and shook her head.

"You don't wanna know" she said softly. She turned and started walking towards the elevator.

"Uh, yeah. I think I do" he said following after her. She stopped in front of the elevator and pushed the button. The doors opened immediately and they stepped on together. Olivia ignored Fin's questions about what was going on and why she wasn't staying with Rae. "Alright, fine" he said giving up on the questions, "but if you want my help you're gonna have to tell me what's going on". The elevator reached the bottom floor and they stepped off, exited the building and went to their cars. Olivia thanked Fin for coming and promised that she'd explain everything later. They got in their cars and drove away.

Rae sat on her couch with her wine on the table in front of her and stared into space. She wanted to call Amanda but she didn't know what she'd say. She probably thought she was crazy after the call she'd given her earlier. Instead she called Simone and asked her to come over. "I'd come to you but…I'm a little drunk. Actually, I'm a lot drunk so…." Simone agreed to come to her and told her to send her the address. Half hour later she was at her front door. Araeyah opened the door and stumbled her way back to the couch. Simone came in, shut and locked the door behind her and followed Rae inside. She walked past a mess in the kitchen over to the living room.

"I couldn't find the corkscrew" Rae said, seeing that Simone was eyeing the mess she'd left in the kitchen. Simone saw two empty bottles of wine on the coffee table and Rae was bringing a third to her lips.

"Ok" Simone said taking the bottle away from her. "It looks like you've had more than enough of that".

"No" Rae said in protest. She reached and tried to get the wine back but her hand eye coordination was impaired.

"Yeah" she said, grabbing the corkscrew and putting it back in the bottle. She took the empty wine bottles and the one Rae hadn't finished to the kitchen. She put the empty bottles in the recycling, the other in the frig, and got Rae a glass of water, before going back to the living room. "Here" she said handing her the water to drink. "Have you eaten?" she asked, sitting down next to Rae on the couch.

"We werrrreeee…." She knew what she wanted to say but couldn't get the words to come out of her mouth. "ummmm…..no" she said finally answering the question. Simone shook her head and picked up Rae's phone from the table and called to order pizza for her.

"Ok, what's going on?" she asked, sitting her phone back on the table.

"Nothing" Rae said, "Why anything does has to be wrongs?" she asked, completely butchering her sentence.

"Ok, you need to drink this" Simone said bringing the glass of water up to Rae's lips. Rae took a few gulps and tried to sit the glass on the table but Simone wanted to finish the entire glass. She watched her drink all the water down and then went to the kitchen to refill her glass, sitting it on the coffee table in front of her. "Rae, what's wrong?" she asked again. "Where's Olivia?"

"I kicked her out" she answered nonchalantly.

"You kicked her out?" she asked in disbelief. "Why Rae? What happened?"

"She doesn't love me anymore" she answered sadly.

"Araeyah, I'm sure that's not true. Olivia loves you more than anything" Simone said trying to reason with her.

"No she doesn't!" she yelled angrily. Simone was so confused. Rae was drunk and not making any sense. She needed to get to the bottom of what was going on but she couldn't do that because Rae was in no condition to have a conversation. She'd just have to get an explanation once she'd sobered up. The bell finally rang and Simone went to the door. She paid for Rae's dinner and brought it over to the living room. She opened the box to reveal a thin crust veggie deluxe pizza with extra cheese. It was just the way Rae liked. She went to the kitchen and found the ketchup and brought it over for Rae. She would always complain that they never put enough sauce on pizzas and said that ketchup and pizza sauce were basically the same thing. Rae took the ketchup and put some on a slice of pizza before taking a big bite. She ate over half the pizza by herself and drank her water and was starting to feel tired. Simone helped her to bedroom and into bed. She got her another glass of water and some Tylenol. She took the pills and laid down to sleep. Simone debated whether she should sleep in the room with Rae or in the guest room. She decided to stay in the room with her. She put on some of Rae's pajama pants and got into bed next to her. She thought about how lucky Olivia was to get to go to bed with Rae every night and wake up to her face every morning. She wondered what Olivia had done to make Rae so upset. After a few minutes of speculation, she closed her eyes and went to sleep.

The next morning, Simone woke up at nine thirty at Rae was still fast asleep. She got up and went to the bathroom, using some of Rae's mouthwash since she didn't have a toothbrush. Then she went to the kitchen and put on a pot of coffee. She took out some bread and made toast and spread peanut butter on top, knowing the Rae didn't like jelly. When the coffee was done, she made a cup for herself and one for Rae then carried both cups and the plate of toast to the bedroom. She sat the coffee and plate down on the table and got two more Tylenol then tried to wake Rae. It took a couple tries but she finally woke up. She was surprised that she didn't have to argue with her much to stay up even though it was early on a Saturday morning. Rae sat up against the headboard and ate her toast. When she finished, she took her Tylenol and took her coffee mug between both hands, holding it as if she were in the cold, and sipped the hot beverage to wash her pills down. She looked at Simone sitting next to her on Olivia's side of the bed, took another sip of coffee and cleared her throat.

"I kicked Olivia out last night" she said. Simone nodded her head.

"Yeah, you told me that. What you didn't tell me is why" she said back.

"She cheated on me" she said sadly. Simone's eyes got big. "Yeah" Rae said seeing the disbelief written on her face. "With some DA she works with". Simone didn't know what to say. There didn't seem to be any room for doubt. She knew Rae wouldn't kick Olivia out of their apartment on just a suspicion.

"How did you find out?"

"I was playing a game on her phone and he sent her a text message. He said "I miss you already". The name said David but she'd never told me about any David before so I asked her who he was and she said he's a DA that she works. She kept trying to change the subject so….I just knew. I knew she was hiding something. Plus she'd lied to me about being at work last weekend. And then that text message and I'd never met him, never even heard of him" she said taking another sip of her coffee. "I've met everyone important that Olivia works with. And if I haven't met them she'd at least mention them to me and she didn't mention him….because she didn't want me to know about him. It wasn't….it wasn't just sex either. She was seeing him, dating him. They went out of dates" she said sadly. "She lied to me for months like, like it was no big deal. She looked me in the eyes and she lied to me. I just….I don't know what happened to us" she said before clearing her throat and breathing deeply to hold back her tears. They talked for a little while longer before she put her coffee on the night stand, laid back down and closed her eyes, pulling the covers up over her. Simone didn't know if she should force her to get out of bed or let her stay there and sleep. It was only ten in the morning so she figured a few more hours of sleep wouldn't hurt. She laid down next to her and tried to go back to sleep. After ten minutes of not being able to fall asleep, she decided to go clean up the mess that Rae made the night before. She got up went to the living room, cleaning up the pizza box and water glasses then made up the couch. She cleaned the kitchen next, fixing the drawers and putting everything back in its rightful place, or at least as best as she could seeing as how she didn't really know where anything went. She mopped the floor and then went over to close Rae's bedroom door so she could vacuum the rugs without waking her. When she finished cleaning up she sat down on the couch and thought about what a mess this whole situation was. Rae's phone started to ring on the table in front of her so she picked it up and looked at the caller id. It was Olivia. Simone took a deep breath and answered.

"Hello" she said calmly. She was trying not to let her anger and disgust for what Olivia did to Rae come through her tone.

"Hello, umm, can I speak to Araeyah please". The voice on the other end of the phone sounded familiar but she couldn't place it.

"She's asleep. And no I'm going to wake her up" she said. Olivia finally figured out who she was talking to. She thought it was just great that Rae called a woman who obviously had feelings for her to come over to their apartment to comfort her. Then she thought that she really had no right to be angry in this situation.

"Listen, Simone, I understand that…."

"You understand? You understand that you've broken her heart and her trust and made her feel used and not good enough and not worth fighting for?" Simone asked. She didn't like at all that Olivia felt like she could screw up and then a simple apology would fix everything.

"I fight for her. I'm trying to fight for her" Olivia said angrily, "I can't do that if she won't talk to me".

"You didn't fight for her Olivia. Times got tough and you ran into the arms of a man because it was easier than working through your issues with Rae" she said as if she knew everything. She knew quite a bit from what Rae told her but she didn't know Olivia's side of things. "And you've been lying to her so…I don't think you can blame her for not wanting to talk to you".

"Well, I think that Rae should be the one to make that decision" Olivia said not wanting to argue with Simone about her relationship.

"I think she's already made that decision. You're just choosing not to listen to her". The bedroom door opened and Rae stepped out in her shorts, lopsided t shirt and disheveled hair. She saw Simone on her phone and guessed it was Olivia. She walked over to the couch and sat down, holding out her hand for Simone to give her the phone. She looked at the screen and saw that it was indeed Olivia and then put it up to her ear.

"I told you to have Fin call me" she said.

"Rae, baby" Olivia said starting to apologize again.

"Don't" she said cutting her off. "Don't call me that". She couldn't stand hearing that word from her mouth after all she'd done. It just felt so wrong. "If you want the rest of your things, I can pack them up for you and you can have Fin or John or Nick or Don or Amanda or anyone but yourself call me and I'll be here to give it to them. I'm going to talk to my mom later and tell her to stop paying your rent. You can work out whatever arrangement you want with her to pay her back because you should….definitely pay her back" she said. She tried to think of everything she wanted to tell Olivia so she wouldn't have to talk to her again. "If I have anything at your apartment you can just put it in a bag or something and send it with whoever you send to come get your stuff"

"Araeyah" she said trying to interject. She hated that this was happening and she hated that it was all her fault.

"Shut up" she said not wanting to hear anything she had to say, "I'm not done" she added. "I'll give the key your apartment back and ummm, I don't know, we'll have to figure out what we're gonna do about this place. I'll talk to the renters and see about having you taken off the lease and I'll let you know what they say. I guess I'll try to find a roommate or something". She couldn't believe this was happening to them. She couldn't believe that Olivia had lied to her. She couldn't believe that she'd cheated on her. She couldn't believe they were over. She cleared her throat and blinked back tears threatening to fall. "Is there anything that…you need or want to tell me?" she asked. "And Liv, I don't mean apologies or explanations. I don't want to hear any of that" she said adding restrictions. "So…is there anything you need or want to tell me?" she asked again. Olivia thought about everything she wanted to say to Rae and realized that all of it was apologies and explanations.

"Uh, no. There's….there's nothing" she said sadly.

"Ok, so then there's no reason for you to call me again" she said bluntly. "Bye, Olivia". She hung up the phone and put it back on the table. "Was that harsh?" she asked looking at Simone.

"A little bit" she answered honestly, "but not unwarranted" she added.

"Ok, so" she said wanting to move on, "I would like to forget about last night and all of my drunken-ness. Not that I remember much of it anyway" she said with a small laugh. "I'm really sorry that I called you to deal with me and my….mess". Simone waved her off.

"Don't be. What are friends for?" she asked.

"Will you be my date tonight?" Rae asked bluntly. Simone was caught off guard by the question. She opened her mouth to answer but nothing came out. "I mean, you don't have to be. I just…."

"No" she said finally finding her voice. "I want to. Yes, I will be your date tonight" she said accepting Rae's request. "But just as a friend, ok? I don't want to be your rebound" she said seriously.

"Of course" Rae said quickly. "Simone, I hope you know I would never use you like that. When I asked you, I didn't mean…"

"It's ok. I understand" she said. "It's your birthday celebration and you don't want to be dateless. I'm here for you". Rae smiled and nodded her head.

"Thank you" she said gratefully. "So why don't I shower and get changed and then we can go back to your place so that you can shower and get changed and then we can go shopping to find me an outfit for tonight and for my actual birthday" she suggested. Simone laughed and nodded her head.

"Yeah, ok" she agreed. Rae got up from the couch and went to the bathroom to shower. She washed, blow dried and brushed out her hair then went to the bedroom to get dressed. She put on black denim cut off shorts and a yellow halter top with yellow flip flops. She put her hair up in a bun and went to put in her contacts. She grabbed her tie-dyed backpack and threw in her wallet, chap stick, and a few extra hair ties then grabbed her favorite white sunglasses and went out to the living room. She grabbed her phone from the table and started looking around for her keys. Simone stared at her as she came out of the bathroom, taking in her toned legs, tanned skin, flat stomach, perky breasts; her entire body up to her beautiful face. She suddenly regretted a year ago in her apartment when she stopped Rae from kissing her and pushed her to get back together with Olivia. Maybe this was her chance, her second chance. Rae finally found her keys in the pocket of the pants she wore the day before.

"Ok" she said putting her backpack on her back. "I'm ready". Simone got up from the couch and they left the apartment and headed to her place. She showered and brushed her teeth and changed her clothes then she and Rae left her apartment and went to some thrift shops to find her something to wear for her show later that night. She found a white lace romper that she just had to have along with a pair of white, flat soled, studded ankle boots. She found a powder blue shirt that looked amazing with Simone red hair and blue eyes and insisted on getting it for her. "You have to wear this tonight" she said holding it in front of her. After some arguing, Rae finally got Simone to agree by reminding her that this was her birthday celebration so she should do what she wanted. They bought the clothes and then went to a few more places and found Rae a birthday outfit, Simone a nice pair of white pants and a pair of heels. They went to get a late lunch and talked more about Rae's situation with Olivia and what she planned to do going forward. She planned not to make any plans at all. She wanted to try to do what her mom had wanted for her all along and just be a kid. She didn't have to worry so much about Jimmy anymore, she wasn't dealing with Charles or his clients and business, and her mother was doing pretty well about leaving her out of her personal and business affairs so her responsibilities had gone down quite a bit. And, now that she wasn't with Olivia, she didn't have anyone to settle down with. She wasn't going to back off with school or work but she could stand to take the fun up a few notches. Now, approaching her twentieth birthday, it was the perfect time for her to do that.

They finished lunch and then went over to Rae's mom's house to talk to her. She told her that she Olivia had broken up and that she wanted her to stop paying the rent at her apartment. She explained that she'd talked to Liv about it and she was going to pay her back all the money she'd paid on her apartment. Soraya didn't understand what was going on continued asking why they'd broken up. Rae tried to avoid telling her but Soraya was demanding answers. She was furious when Rae finally told her that they'd broken up because Olivia had cheated on her. Rae didn't think she'd ever seen her mother so angry. It took some time but she finally got her mother to calm down. She assured her that she was fine but Soraya knew better. She wasn't prepared to see her daughter stuff down more emotions the way her father had unknowingly taught her. She tried to talk to her and get her to open up about how she was really feeling but Rae would hear nothing of it. She just kept insisting that she was ok and then demanded that they drop it. She asked her mother if she'd be there for the show and to celebrate her birthday and she said of course she would be there and that Jimmy would be there too. She thanked her mother and told her that she loved her for her concern. They hugged and kissed each other goodbye and then she and Simone left to go get ready for the show.


	14. Chapter 14: Happy Birthday to Araeyah

Chapter 14: Happy Birthday to Araeyah

Rae was in her room and Simone was using the guest room to get dressed. She stood in front of her bathroom mirror in her underwear staring at herself. She thought about everything that'd happened the night before and how things were about to change for her. She didn't know how much everyone knew about what was going with her and Olivia but she was sure that tonight, if they didn't know already, the cat would be let out of the bag. She didn't know how that would affect her friendships with everyone Olivia worked with. She hoped it wouldn't. She shook off all her thoughts and started to get ready. She put on black eyeliner and mascara and a light layer of blue eye shadow. She wasn't sure what she wanted to do to her hair yet so she went to her bedroom and pulled the romper she'd bought out the bag. She took the tags off and stepped into it, pulling it up to her waist. She went over to the dresser and grabbed a hair tie to put her hair back up.

"Simone!" she yelled through her open bedroom door. Simone came out of the guest room fully dressed except for her shoes and walked into Rae's bedroom. She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw Rae standing there, half dressed. She took her body in slowly, working hard to keep her breaths even and her mouth from hanging open like an idiot. Rae saw the way she was looking at her and contemplated what could happen between them now that she was single. She didn't want anything to happen that would negatively affect their friendship. She remembered her earlier decision to not make any plans and went on getting dressed. She pulled the romper the rest of the way up her body and turned around. "Could you button this for me?" she asked. Simone walked over and started to button up the lace one piece, starting at the small of Rae's back to the base of her neck. She couldn't help staring at her plump backside, covered by boy shorts that matched the color of her shirt. Once she was done, she took a step back and Rae turned around to face her. "You look great" she said smiling. "This color looks amazing on you" she said smoothing her shirt.

"Thanks" she said. Her cheeks got warm and her skin flushed a light shade of pink. The same nerves that she'd had the first time Rae came to her apartment came back to her. Her mouth went dry as her eyes raked over Rae's body in her power blue underwear, her tanned skin covered by white lace. She managed to tear her eyes away and look at her watch. "We should get going soon. It's almost seven thirty". She turned and walked out of the bedroom, needing to get away from Araeyah and collect herself. She wanted so badly to kiss her but she told herself she couldn't. Rae had just had a big breakup and she didn't want to take advantage of her in vulnerable moment. She slipped on her heels and grabbed her purse and went to wait for Rae by the door. Rae put on her boots, left her hair up and found a white head band to wear. She put on clear lip gloss and grabbed her backpack transferring her wallet, chap stick, and phone into her purse. She went to the bathroom and had one last look at herself in the mirror then flicked out the lights and went out to the living room. She grabbed her keys from the table and they left the apartment to head to the bar.

It was just a few minutes after eight when Rae and Simone arrived at the bar. All of her bandmates were already there and were thoroughly blown away when Rae walked in. She looked incredibly sexy and they all knew that no matter who else walked into the bar that night, all eyes would be on her. Colin was especially enthralled in Rae's appearance and wasn't shy about letting her know it. She playfully flirted with him but made sure to keep it friendly. She didn't want him to think that she was interested in hooking up with him. Even though she was single now and had history with him, her attraction to him had long since died out and what's more, he was a member of her band. Hooking up with him was just a plain bad idea. Maureen, Julia and Kensie were the first to show up followed shortly by Soraya and Jimmy who, like everyone else, thought Rae looked amazing. Rae pulled Maureen aside and told her about what'd happened between her and Olivia and Maureen was dumbfounded. She didn't know what to say so she settled for "I'm so sorry and I'm here if you need me". Kyle, Haley, Fin, John, Nick, Amanda, the Captain, Alex, Casey and Melinda all showed up together as if they'd car pooled. Everyone commented on how fantastic Rae looked while Amanda just stared at her. Rae couldn't tell if she was staring because she was undressing her with her eyes or if she was thinking about the call she'd gotten from her the night before. Amanda finally looked up and locked eyes with her and she knew then that she'd definitely been undressing her with her eyes. Matty came over to her at eight thirty and told her it was time for them to warm up. As she was turning to walk over and join the guys, she heard a familiar voice from behind her.

"Hey there hot stuff" she said over the noise. Rae got the biggest smile and turned around.

"Ashley!" she yelled in excitement. She ran over and threw her arms around her best friend and hugged her tight. "Oh my god, what are you doing here?" she asked once she pulled away.

"Like I would miss your birthday party" she said pulling her into another hug. Rae had texted Ashley about her show and how she was sad that she wouldn't be there to celebrate with her. She decided to come back from vacation with her family a week early. She was happy that she'd pulled off the surprise and that Rae was so happy to see her.

"Oh god. I have so much to tell you" Rae whispered in her ear. "But right now I have to go warm up" she said pulling back from their hug. "Scott" she said looking over Ashley's shoulder at her boyfriend, "I'm glad you could come".

"Wouldn't miss it" he said with a smile. Rae looked past Scott and saw Olivia walk into the bar. She saw a man walk in close behind and wondered if that was David. They walked over together and the man went over to the section Rae had reserved for everyone. Ashely and Scott joined them and Olivia walked up to Rae. She stood there quietly, hoping that Rae wouldn't tell her to leave.

"Is that him?" she asked. Olivia took a breath before answering.

"Yeah".

"You invited your boyfriend to my birthday party?"

"He's not my boyfriend" she said quickly. "And no, I didn't invite him. Someone else must've told him about it". Rae looked at Olivia and surprisingly she wasn't upset. She expected that every time she saw her, she wouldn't be able to control her anger. "Look, I can go if you don't want me here" she said sadly. She didn't want to go but she didn't want to be where she wasn't wanted. Rae thought about what she wanted. Did she want her to stay or go and take her boyfriend with her? Matty came over again and told her they really needed to do a quick warm up. She nodded and said she'd be right there. "I'll just go". Olivia took a step backwards and started to head for the door but Rae stopped her.

"No, just…stay, ok. It's fine. We're…both adults. We have the same friends. It's inevitable that we'll be in the same places sometimes. Just stay. I have to go" she said pointing towards the stage. She turned and went over to join the guys for their warm up. Olivia went over to the table and sat next to Alex. Jimmy was surprised to see that Rae had let her stay.

"I didn't think you were invited" Jimmy said, not knowing that everyone didn't know about the break up yet.

"What are you talking about?" Alex said confused, "Of course she's invited. It's her girlfriend's birthday". Jimmy looked at his mom and then looked at Simone and Maureen before looking around at the confused faces at their table. He realized that only a select few knew the situation and he didn't want to be the one to break it to them.

"When's the band supposed to go on?" Maureen asked, trying to change the subject. Simone said they should be starting soon and took a drink from her beer, trying to wash off the awkward vibe amongst the group. By now everyone was speculating about why Rae's brother would think Olivia wasn't invited to her birthday. Simone was wishing the show would hurry up and start so they could all pay attention to the band. It finally reached nine and the band took to the stage.

"Good evening, everybody" Matty said into the microphone, "thanks for coming out tonight. I'm Matty and this Rae" he said pointing to his co-equal, "And we're Wild Magnolia" he said getting cheers from the crowd. "Tonight's a special night because our very own Rae Caston is celebrating a birthday". The crowd cheered again and Rae couldn't contain her smile. "So before we get started, I thought we could sing happy birthday to the birthday girl. What do y'all think about that?" he asked. He received a loud uproar in support of the idea so he counted to three and they all sang Happy Birthday to Rae at the top of their lungs, ending it with cheers and whistles. Rae was smiling and laughing and happy until she looked out in the direction of all of her family and friends and saw Olivia there. Her face fell slightly but she quickly put her smile back on so no one would notice. Once they started to perform, Olivia was the furthest thing from her mind. She sang and danced and had a great time on stage. It was her night and nothing, not even her cheating ex was going to ruin it for her. After two encores, they finally took their bows and came down from the stage. Rae was bombarded with happy birthdays and offers to buy her drinks. She said thanks and no thanks and made her way over to the table she'd reserved for her guests where they all congratulated her on a great show. Soraya pulled out the cake she'd had Jimmy go out to the car to get once Rae went on stage. It was one of her favorites, Masghati Anar, a sweet pomegranate dessert. She cut the cake and gave her the first slice. Rae completely ignored Olivia being there and everyone noticed but nobody said anything. David came back to the table from wherever he'd sneaked off to, taking his seat next to Nick.

"You have to try this Magshati cake. It's delicious" he said putting a plate in front of him. Rae and Soroya both laughed at his mispronunciation.

"Nick, it's Masghati Anar" Rae said correcting him. Rae did her best to ignore the man sitting next to her ex-girlfriend's partner and enjoy her dessert until he decided to introduce himself.

"I don't think we've met. I'm David" he said extending hand. "Happy Birthday". Simone choked on her drink when she heard his name. Rae shook his hand and quickly pulled it back. She decided to be mature about the situation and not let him being there get to her.

"Yeah, I…I know who you are" she said. "I'm Olivia's girlfriend". He looked back and forth between her and Olivia and then put his fork down, thinking it'd be best if he made a quick exit. "I'm sorry. I mean I _was_ Olivia's girlfriend" she corrected herself. She turned to Simone, "Let's go make a playlist". She grabbed Simone's hand and pulled her from her chair over to the juke box, leaving a very awkward scene behind.

"Ok, what the hell is going on?" Ashley asked angrily. The question was obviously directed towards Olivia but she just sat there quietly, looking like a deer in headlights. Maureen leaned over and whispered in Ashley's ear, filling her in on some things she'd missed. Her eyes got wide as Maureen shared with her and her mouth went completely dry. She took a deep breath and then got down from her chair, "I'll be right back", she said before turning and heading over to talk to Rae. Fin leaned over to Olivia and whispered in her ear.

"What in the hell did you do?" he asked, not really needing her to tell him. He got the gist of what was going on from the vibe between her, Rae and Haden. He couldn't believe Olivia could be so stupid. Meanwhile, Ashley was over at the juke box arguing with Rae, mostly about how offended she was that she had to find out like this that Olivia had cheated on her and they weren't together anymore.

"I just found out yesterday Ashley" Rae said in her own defense. "I was gonna tell you as soon as you got back but you got back a week early and I had to warm up to go on stage" she explained.

"I cannot believe this. And that's him?" she asked pointing over her shoulder in no particular direction. Rae nodded her head. "She invited her boyfriend to your birthday?" she asked, her tone laced with disgust. Rae shrugged her shoulders.

"I don't know who invited him and I don't care" she said, "I've decided to take the high road. Nothing is going to get to me, not tonight". She turned around and added one more song to her playlist before hitting play and going over to the bar. Ashley and Simone followed her and Rae ordered four shots. She stood up and a bar stool, aided by Simone so she wouldn't fall, "Maureen!" she yelled across the bar, waving her friend over. Maureen excused herself and joined Ashley, Simone and Rae at the bar. They took their shots and then Rae ordered a round of beers for everyone in her party. Her mother looked like she didn't approve but she didn't voice any objections until Jimmy reached for one of the beers. She gave him a look that said "Don't even think about it" and he pulled his hand back. Rae laughed and gave him kiss on the check, "It's ok' she whispered in his ear, "I'll get you one later at the after party". She gave him a wink and then went over to the table her band was huddle around. They hid her as they had their usual shot of whiskey and toasted to the band and to Rae for her birthday. She was being discrete about her drinking out of respect for her law enforcement guests and the owner of the bar. She was having an awesome time even though she'd just gone through a huge break up. She ignored Olivia and Olivia ignored David though he seemed to be trying to get her attention. At midnight, Soraya and Cragen said their goodbyes and left. Jimmy decided to stay and hang out with is sister. She never ceased to amaze him. Nothing ever seemed to get her down.

Rae was dancing with Simone when she looked over and saw Olivia and David talking to each other. Olivia seemed to be brushing him off but he wasn't taking no for an answer. Nick tried to intervene and tell David to take a walk but he wasn't listening. Fin stepped in and said something to the both of them and they separated from each other. She smiled and continued to dance, thinking about how awesome Fin was and how lucky she was to have him as a friend. They took a break from dancing and sat at the bar together. Simone asked Rae how she was doing with Olivia and David being there and she said she was doing just fine. Simone didn't look convinced.

"Really. I'm fine" she assured her.

"If you say so" she said still unconvinced.

"I do say so". She really was ok. Of course she was hurt and it felt really different to be around Olivia and not be near her. But she wasn't angry anymore. It was surprising to her but her anger had passed already and she wasn't going to dwell on her hurt feelings. Pain was one thing she knew how to work through so she was working through it.

"So….Amanda?" Simone asked. Rae furrowed her eyebrows.

"What about her?" she asked, unsure of what Simone wanted to know.

"She's been staring at you since she got here. Are you gonna go for it…for her?" she asked. Rae took a breath and held it for a few seconds before letting it go.

"I honestly don't know. I said I wasn't gonna make any plans but I think I have one. I plan to be single for a while and just have fun" she said. The look on Simone's face was one of disappointment. She wasn't sure what answer she'd wanted to hear but she could tell that the she gave wasn't it. "What? Do you think I…you think I should go for Amanda?" she said trying to figure out Simone's feelings.

"No" she said quickly. "I mean if you want to you should" she said changing her answer.

"Simone, what is it?" Rae asked wanting her to come out and say whatever she was thinking.

"I don't know. I.…I just" she paused trying to think of the best way to express herself. "I was just hoping that you'd entertain the idea…of us".

"Well, it's not like I haven't thought about it" she said honestly. "I just don't want us to do anything that could mess up our friendship, you know?" Simone nodded her head.

"Yeah, I do. But we're both adults and I think if we talk about it and set some….ground rules that we'll be ok" she said. Rae wasn't sure whether she agreed with her. Sometimes when people tried the whole "friends with benefits" thing, feelings got in the way and things got messy. Something told her though, that the attraction between her and Simone was purely a physical one. There weren't any serious feelings there, at least not for her. But she couldn't say the same for Simone and she didn't want to start anything that would end with any hurt feelings. "What are you thinking?" Simone asked seeing that Rae's mind was at work.

"I'm just wondering if the "friends with benefits" thing can ever actually work" she answered honestly.

"Well, you'll never know if you don't try" she said. Rae smiled and thought about her and Simone together. She couldn't believe that Simone was serious about them trying at a no strings attached relationship.

"Kiss me" she said. Simone wasn't sure she'd heard Rae right. She sat there and waited for some sign that she'd said what she thought she said. "Kiss me" she said again. Simone leaned in slowly and brought their lips together. Rae parted her lips and Simone slipped her tongue into her mouth. This kiss was more authentic than the last one they'd shared. Rae was kissing her, really kissing her. She could tell that she was right there with her and not thinking about anyone else. Simone got down from her barstool and stepped into Rae, who parted her legs for Simone to stand between them. She put her hand on the back of her head and pulled her deeper into their kiss, caressing every inch of the inside of her mouth. They paid no attention to the fact that everyone was staring at them. Olivia sat uncomfortably watching them from across the bar. If it hadn't been clear to everyone before that she and Rae weren't together anymore, it was definitely clear now. Finally, their kiss ended and they both thought about how they felt. The physical chemistry was definitely there but they both honestly felt that was all there would ever be between them. They both started to laugh at the same time. "Maybe this could work" Rae said. Simone nodded her head in agreement. They finally made their way back over to the area sectioned off for Rae and her guests and she order a round of shots and beers for everyone. Sandy, one of the waitresses, came over and told Rae that Frankie, the owner of the bar, wanted to talk to her. She went over to the bar and waited for him to come over.

"What's up, Frankie?" she said when he finally approached.

"Are you trying to get me shut down?" he asked.

"What are you talking about?" she asked confused.

"I'm talking about you turning my bar into a courtroom with all these cops and lawyers in here and you're drinking like a fish. Not to mention your eighteen year old brother" he said giving her a stern look.

"Jimmy's not drinking and they haven't seen me take one sip of alcohol. You're not gonna get shut down" she assured him. "Come on, you know I wouldn't do that to you. I love this bar" she said, giving him a sweet smile. He held his stern glare, letting her know he wasn't falling for it. "Ok, fine. This is the last round and then we're moving it to my place" she said. "You're more than welcome join us" she said in a flirty tone.

"Alright, last round and you're out of here" he said. She smiled and leaned over the counter, kissing him on the cheek then went back over to her tables. Their drinks came from the bar and Rae stood on a chair as Matty gave yet another toast to the birthday girl. This time he was rudely interrupted by the uninvited guest that Rae had so graciously allowed to stay and partake in the festivities.

"You know, you shouldn't be drinking" David said. "You're underage". Everyone gave him a look that said shut the hell up and Matty continued his toast, ignoring the guy's remark. Olivia had been ignoring him all night and Rae sensed that he was feeling vindictive; maybe even a little jealous because Olivia didn't want to talk to him because of her. She knew that wouldn't be the last of him sharing his thoughts on the matter. "I could make one phone call and have this bar shut down right now and it'd be your fault" he said pointing to Rae.

"Well, you could try" she said challenging him. The fact that he felt threatened enough to threaten her told her that she'd already won this battle. She had no doubt in her mind that she'd win the war too. She looked him in the eyes and took her shot in front of everyone, no longer caring about her friends being cops and lawyers. She put her empty glass down on the table and reached over and picked up the shot that sitting in front of him. She held his gaze and drank it down, showing him she wasn't intimidated. She'd done a good job of keeping it kosher with him all night but now she needed to make a point.

"Off the chair Rae" Frankie yelled from behind the bar. She laughed and turned to put her hands on Colin's shoulders. He put his hands on her hips and helped her down from the chair. David just stood there with absolutely nothing to say. Rae's boldness told him that she had little to worry about, no matter how many phone calls he made. He didn't know how or why, but this girl had to have some pull to be that audacious. Rae walked up behind Amanda and put her hands on her hips.

"Come dance with me" she whispered in her ear. She gripped onto the fabric of her shirt and tried to pull her away from the table but Amanda resisted. "Come on" she encouraged her, "Come dance with me". Amanda turned around to face her and tried to push Rae's hands away.

"I don't…think that's a good idea" she said.

"Why not?" Rae asked. Amanda gave her a knowing look and Rae rolled her eyes. "Oh, please, you definitely don't have to worry about that anymore" she said knowing that Amanda didn't want to dance with her because of Olivia.

"I still have to work with her" she said.

"So do Fin and John and Nick but they're not gonna blow me off because Olivia and I aren't together anymore". One way or another she was going to get Amanda to dance with her.

"Araeyah" she said starting to argue with her more.

"Amanda" Rae said mocking her, "Come dance with me". She walked backwards towards open space in the middle of the bar, pulling Amanda with her. Amanda tried to get away but Ashley blocked her way.

"Un un" she said shaking her head, "Birthday girl wants a dance; birthday girl gets a dance". She turned her around and pushed her into Rae. After a few minutes of awkwardness, she finally started to loosen up and enjoy dancing with Rae. Soon, Scott, Simone, Maureen, Kyle, Julia, Haley and Kensie had joined them and they turned the bar into a dance club. Rae caught Frankie's eye and he gave her a look that said "you're supposed to be out of here" but she blew him a kiss and continued dancing. Olivia sat there watching Rae dance with Amanda and couldn't help the tears that stung her eyes. She seemed happy without her. Or maybe that's just what Rae wanted her to think. Alex and Casey came over to talk to her but she didn't want to take anything attention away from Araeyah. That and she really didn't want their judgments seeing as how all of this was her fault. She just sat there and drank her beer and tried not to wallow in her own sorrows. Rae finally announced that she was leaving the bar and going home and that they were all welcome to join her. Everyone but John, who said it was way past his bedtime, said they would be there. Olivia wasn't sure if she was invited but she figured she'd just show up and see what happened. Rae hadn't minded her being at the bar so maybe she wouldn't object to her going to the apartment. She went to settle the tab only to find out her mother had taken care of it. She gave everyone the address and they left the bar to go over to her place.


	15. Chapter 15: I Won't Stop Trying

Chapter 15: I Won't Stop Trying

Rae stopped at the liquor store on the way home and got more than enough beer and took some requests for alcohol. When she tried to pay for it, Simone stepped in and said there was no way she was paying anything on her own birthday. She relented and let her pay and they went to Rae's apartment to find everyone waiting outside the building. She led them inside to the elevator and up to her floor. She unlocked the door to her apartment and they filed in, giving Rae compliments on what a beautiful place it was. Jimmy hooked his phone up to the tv and put music on and Rae set out the alcohol and took out some glasses. She took the bottle of wine she hadn't finished the night before deciding that she'd drink that for the rest of the night. The doorbell rang and she went over and opened the door to find Olivia standing there. She stepped to the side and let her in then saw David stepping off the elevator. She thought about what the mature thing to do was in this instance. She decided to just let him. She'd let Olivia in so what the hell, why not? She walked over to Olivia, took her by the hand and led her off to the side to talk to her away from everyone.

"Did you invite him here?" she asked. Olivia shook her head.

"No, of course not" she answered quickly.

"Has he ever been here before?"

"No, never".

"How does he have the address?" she asked folding her arms over her chest. "I didn't give it to him and I don't think anyone else would've given it to him".

"I don't know Rae. Maybe he overheard you when you gave it to everyone else. I didn't give it to him" she assured her. It really bugged Rae that she couldn't tell if Olivia was lying or not. Or maybe she could tell but didn't trust herself to be right anymore.

"Did you invite him to the bar?" she asked for the second time.

"No, babe" she said.

"Stop" Rae said holding her hand up, "You have to stop calling me that".

"I didn't invite him" she said simply. "I wouldn't do that". She stepped closer to her and Rae didn't move. Olivia brought her hand up to touch her face and she didn't push her hand away. She leaned in and kissed her lightly on the lips. Rae kissed her back. Everyone tried not to watch them but couldn't help sneaking glances in their direction. Rae pulled back from their kiss and tried to move away from Olivia but she wouldn't let her. She held her hands and looked into her eyes. "Tell me you still love me" she whispered.

"I do" she said softly. "I still love you". Olivia couldn't help the small smile that crossed her lips when she heard those words pass Rae's. "But you hurt me" she added causing Olivia's smile to fade. "I know I hurt you too with…the flirting with Amanda and not being able to…" she paused not wanting to bring up every problem in their relationship. "We just…we haven't been connecting for a while now and I think that this, a separation, would be good us. At least it would be good for me. Maybe some time apart will help us to remember why we fell in love in the first place. I don't know what'll happen between us but I…I need some time". Olivia opened her mouth to speak but Rae already knew what she was going to ask. "I don't know how much time" she said answering her question before she'd even asked. "But I don't want to wait for me, ok?" She was prepared for Olivia to argue with her.

"Well, I will wait for you. I don't want to see anyone else" she said seriously.

"Well, I want you to. I mean, David's interested in you. He…kinda seems like a jack ass if you ask me but, you know, you didn't. I just think that maybe you should…try…that" she said not really sure what she was saying. "Look, all I'm saying is that I need some time and I plan to…wing it. So I don't want you to feel like you can't see other people so that you won't upset me".

"I don't want to see other people" Olivia said again.

"Well I do" she said bluntly. "And I'm going to". Olivia let go of her hands and looked down at the floor. She didn't want her to see the tears forming in her eyes. Rae put her hand under Olivia's chin and lifted her head to look at her. "It's not forever". She kissed her again and when she went to pull away Olivia didn't want to let her go. Rae practically had to pry Olivia's hands off of her. She went back over to join her friends, where Ashley had her bottle of wine waiting for her. Olivia pulled herself together and rejoined everyone. They'd pulled chairs from around the dining room table and everyone was sitting down talking and laughing or up dancing to the music filling the apartment. She sat next to Alex and tried to slip into this new normal. She wondered how long it would take before it didn't feel so foreign.

The night went on and everyone seemed to be having a good time. David was still trying to talk to Olivia and Olivia was still ignoring him. She was thinking about what Rae said about them seeing other people for a while and it just didn't sit right with her. What if Rae started dating someone else and then forgot all about her? She didn't know what she'd do. She looked up from the board game she was watching Fin, Alex and Melinda play to see Araeyah standing in the kitchen talking to Amanda. Rae had Amanda backed against the island set in the center of the kitchen. Her bottle of wine was nearly gone and Amanda was on her fifth beer of the night. They were enjoying talking to each other same as always. Rae was flirting heavily with her but Amanda, despite her attempt to kiss her earlier that week, was hesitant to reciprocate. Even though Rae and Olivia weren't together anymore she didn't want Olivia pissed off at her for going after her girlfriend for a second time. They continued talking and Rae assured Amanda that she wouldn't have to worry about Olivia being upset with her. She made Amanda promise that she'd keep thinking about it before they moved on to talking about something else.

At close to three in the morning, her friends decided to call it a night. They trickled out the door with good byes and happy birthdays onto the elevator to go home. Rae walked Olivia to the elevator and talked to her more about them seeing other people. She wasn't surprised when she got upset about her talking about seeing Amanda. She told her she had to accept that they were taking a break from each other and that she wanted to see other people. Olivia made it very clear that just because she had to accept Rae's decision didn't mean she had to like it. She didn't want to think about Rae with anyone else, especially Rollins. Rae could see that she wasn't going to be on good terms with Olivia about this so she said they should just drop it but first she made Liv promise that she wouldn't give Amanda a hard time at work. She agreed then reluctantly left the apartment that, just a day earlier, had been her home. Rae went back inside to see Amanda and Simone cleaning up. She tried to get them to stop but they insisted on helping. Once everything was cleaned up and put away, Rae walked Amanda to the elevator.

"Listen, I just want to apologize if I…made you uncomfortable earlier" Rae said sweetly. "I know you and Olivia still have to work together and you don't want things to be weird. I understand that".

"Well, I just, I got off to a bad start with her and I didn't want to make it any worse".

"But…" Rae said sensing there was more she wanted to say.

"But I couldn't help how I felt about you" she admitted. "And Liv's not stupid, you know? She saw it and she wasn't shy about letting me know that".

"Well, Liv and I aren't together anymore and I made her promise that she wouldn't give you a hard time at work. So you don't have to try so hard not to talk to me".

"I wasn't trying not to talk to you" Amanda said back with a smile.

"Oh, right. I'm sorry. You were limiting your contact with me" Rae said trying to mock Amanda's accent. Amanda laughed at her attempt. "You don't have to do that anymore. You didn't really have to do it before" she added. "And if you, you know, wanna lean in again" she said referring to Amanda trying to kiss her, "I won't stop you this time. Hell, I might even meet you halfway" she said in a low sexy tone that made Amanda weak in the knees. She cleared her throat and took a breath.

"It's not that I don't want to. I do" Amanda said.

"Oh wow" she said, "I hear a rejection coming on".

"No, it's not…I'm not rejecting you" Amanda said quickly. "I just…when I tried to kiss you before…..you were being so sweet and caring. I haven't had a lot of people in my life that are genuinely concerned about me. I just got caught up in the moment".

"I thought this wasn't a rejection?" Rae asked.

"It's not" she said with a laugh. "I want us to go slower is all, you know? Do this right?" Rae nodded her head.

"Ok" she said in agreement. "And how would we do this right?" she asked.

"Go on a date" she suggested.

"Are you asking me?" Rae asked. Amanda nodded her head. "Well then ask me".

"Araeyah" she said getting a laugh from her, "What? Why are you laughing?" Amanda asked. Rae tried to stifle her laughing.

"I'm sorry. It's not you" she said still trying to stop laughing. When she finally got her laughter under control she told her to go on.

"Will you go on a date with me?" Rae smiled and nodded her head.

"Yes, I would love to go on a date with you". Amanda hit the button for the elevator and said she would call her later to talk about when they'd go out and where. When the elevator got to her floor, Rae kissed Amanda on the cheek and told her goodnight. She waited until the elevator doors closed to turn and head back into her apartment. She went into her bedroom and saw Simone there in her underwear, looking through her drawers for something to sleep in. Rae walked up behind her and pushed the drawer closed. Simone turned around with a confused look on her face. "You're not gonna be needing any clothes" she said seductively. Simone smiled and walked Rae backwards towards the bed. She was more than ready to try out their special arrangement.

Simon was woken up the next morning by the door bell ringing. She got up and pulled on a big sweat shirt from Rae's drawer and went to answer the door. She looked through the peephole and saw Olivia standing there with a tray holding two coffees. She took a deep breath and unlocked then opened the door. Olivia was also holding a bag with what Simone assumed was breakfast for Araeyah. She could tell by the look on her face that she knew from her appearance that she'd stayed the night and most likely hadn't slept in the guest room. Simone cleared her throat before speaking.

"Good morning" she said. Olivia continued to stare at her. She couldn't believe that Rae was already sleeping with someone else. Then again, after seeing the two of them at the bar the night before she shouldn't have been surprised.

"Morning" she said back. "Ummm, is Rae up?" she asked. She wasn't going to let the fact that Simone was there keep her from doing what she'd come there to do. Simone shook her head from side to side.

"No, she's still sleeping" she said. Simone stood there, leaving Olivia standing in the hallway.

"Well, can I come in?" she asked.

"Ummm, I…I don't know if Rae wants…."

"Why don't you go ask her" she said not letting her finish her statement. Simone nodded and then walked back to the bedroom. She shook Rae awake and told her that Olivia was there and she wanted to know if she could come in. She told her she had no problem sending her away but Rae said it was fine to let her in. She got up and put on shorts and tank top before crawling back in bed and getting back under the covers. Olivia walked into the bedroom and sat the coffee tray on the night stand next to Rae and the bag with their breakfast in it on the bed. She took one of the coffees from the tray and held it out to her.

"This one's yours" she said. Rae took the coffee and moved over on the bed.

"You can sit" she said before sipping the hot coffee. Olivia sat down and took two containers out of the bag. She checked one and set it to the side then checked the other and held it out to Araeyah.

"Strawberry pancakes, just the way you like" she said nicely. Rae set her coffee down on the table and took the box from her. Olivia handed her a plastic fork and small containers of syrup.

"You didn't have to bring me breakfast".

"I know" she said simply. "I wanted to. I thought you might need something to help with your hangover".

"I…don't have a hangover" Rae said with a smirk.

"Ok. I just wanted an excuse to come over and see you" she admitted. They started to eat her breakfast and drink their coffee in silence. Rae never thought things could be so awkward between them. It was even more awkward than the couple days they didn't speak after the first time Rae couldn't have an orgasm. Once they finished eating, Olivia bagged all the trash and set it on the floor next to her feet to take to the trash later. "Araeyah, I'm really sorry…about David showing up at your birthday party and then here. I promise I di…."

"Its fine" she said shrugging her shoulders. "It happened. It's over. No need to keep apologizing". Olivia nodded and took a breath before speaking her next thought aloud.

"So….you and Simone" she said a little jealousy evident in her voice. "Are you…"

"We're still just friends" she said not letting her finish her question.

"But you had sex with her?" she asked and then immediately regretted it. "I'm sorry. I know it's none of my business".

"Yes I did have sex with her" she answered honestly. "But no, it really is none of your business" she added.

"I wanna make it to you" Olivia said her voice breaking slightly. "I hurt you and I...I wanna make it up to you". Araeyah reached out and took her hand.

"You will" she said softly. "Just….don't stop trying".

"I won't" Olivia said confidently. "I won't stop trying".


End file.
